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saw someone i know at AA

Old 03-07-2009, 03:28 PM
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saw someone i know at AA

Hi to all you wonderful people on SR, tomorrow i am four weeks sober, i cannot believe it, have to keep pinching myself to make sure its not a dream. starting to realize that this sobriety lark is really not so bad, however tonight i went to an AA meeting and i saw a girl that i know from work. she is not an alcoholic, she just went to support her boyfriend whom is in the fellowship. i dont know why but this made me feel uncomfortable. and to be truthful a little ashamed, i dont know why i felt like this as AA is keeping me sober, so i shouldnt feel ashamed. does this mean i am in denial? im confused x
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:06 PM
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Fear of meeting someone you know at an AA meeting is a common thing. Do you know the boyfriend well? Does she understand and respect the concept of anonymity?

Even if she "outs" you, just stay sober.
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:11 PM
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I know exactly what you mean. My homegroup has 3 of our clients!!! omg, I thought I was going to die! My business is "financially sensitive" related and I felt like such a fraud. But I realized these people too are professionals, neighbors, longtime residents (I work, live, go to AA all within 2 blocks of each other). Anonymous is key. I sense that even the support people know that. They are the compassionate support people; otherwise they wouldn't be there.
As I understand it, shame will be replaced by the promises. Awesome on the 4 weeks!!!!
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:24 PM
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I know how that feels. I too saw someone I worked with at one of the first meetings I ever went to. I didnt even want to look at her. But she was there for the same reason as me. And we always talked and took breaks together at work. I see her now and she always asks how I am and everything.
I know the shame. But I try to think of how shameful it feels all those times I was high and saw people I knew.
Just hang in there. Your doing a good thing. Nothing to be ashamed of.
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:32 PM
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Hmm..
She must have a soft heart for AA members
as she was there to support a loved one.

When you see her at work...a wave and a smile
are all that's necessary. Perhaps she will open
up a conversation ...perhaps not.

She may also be embarrassed her BF is in AA
who knows?

At my 2nd AA meeting I knew 6 members
3 were customers...3 ex-lovers...
I never heard a comment outside the rooms
from any of the 6 They all said "Welcome:..


Glad to know you are continueing to move forward
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Old 03-07-2009, 04:53 PM
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I feel a lot of shame also. Shame for my actions while drinking. But I have to remind myself that was yesterday and this is today. Hold your head up and stay sober. You can do this. Congrats on your sober month!

:ghug3
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Old 03-07-2009, 05:10 PM
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I have had to get past this, and I know what you are talking about as far as embarrassment.

It's about the illusion of perfection for me. I know that I spent my whole life chasing and expecting perfection. Of course, I was harder on myself than anyone regarding this. I still have to be mindful of how I see self-image and how it affects my thoughts.

I became really good at covering up the realities in my life that I didn't think were good enough. Thus, I didn't accept reality.

What I'm saying is that you are who you are. Love who you are, and you don't ever have to apologize for making your life better by growing as a person along this new path you have taken.

Peace
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Old 03-07-2009, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by ladyangelcake View Post
Hi to all you wonderful people on SR, tomorrow i am four weeks sober, i cannot believe it, have to keep pinching myself to make sure its not a dream. starting to realize that this sobriety lark is really not so bad, however tonight i went to an AA meeting and i saw a girl that i know from work. she is not an alcoholic, she just went to support her boyfriend whom is in the fellowship. i dont know why but this made me feel uncomfortable. and to be truthful a little ashamed, i dont know why i felt like this as AA is keeping me sober, so i shouldnt feel ashamed. does this mean i am in denial? im confused x
welcome!!!

The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind-author unknown
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Old 03-07-2009, 05:53 PM
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You can choose to go to closed meetings. That means alkies only. Then how can they judge you if everyone there is for the same thing. I dont like it when there are a lot of 'normal people' there for 'support' for the 'other person'. So I just dont feel comfy sharing and dont.

I like small closed discussion groups. Speaker meetings are good too..long as i am not the speaker!!! A large mixed crowd of normies and alkies just doest do it for me. most meetings that are open, there only seems to b a couple of nonalkies anyways..and it doesnt bother me if i see someone who identifies as a alkie that i know...
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Old 03-07-2009, 07:05 PM
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It happens sometimes........all of a sudden we get ashamed...ironic really now we are doing something about our drinking.
When i was drinking i didnt really give a rat ass who knew...

Try not to worry about something that aint happened yet...im sure this person will respect your personal anonynimity....
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Old 03-07-2009, 08:23 PM
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I live in a fairly small town and have been attending meetings for 14 months. In this time, I have met perhaps 6 people in meetings that know me from outside of the program (2 of them are not AA members).

Pride.

I don't want people to know that I am an AA member. It means that I am an admitted alcoholic.

The first time it happened (my first meeting) I was horrified. I actually lost sleep over it. The last time it happened (a couple of weeks ago) it still bugged me but "oh, well".

I think that as I grow spiritually, I am developing a greater perspective of what is important in life. While I am not the centre of the universe, I am loved by many people (my children, family, and friends). I have to be strong for them and for others. My sobriety is important. People knowing that I am an alcoholic and that I attend AA - not so important.

Still a work in progress but growing in acceptance.

BTW, 14 months in and I have yet to have anyone comment negatively about my AA meeting attendance. In fact, the people I told reacted positively: "You have a problem, you are getting help, good for you!" Not a big deal at all.


(no, you're not in denial)
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