Newly 21 --Hopeless & Desperate. Please help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Kearney, NE
Posts: 3
Newly 21 --Hopeless & Desperate. Please help.
Wow...well...where do I even start? I really don't know why I googled to find a site like this..I guess mainly because no one (except my mom, thank God), FULLY understands what I have gone through in the last 5 years. I will start by saying I am a 21 year old female. I am a bright student, a loyal friend, and I have a very outgoing personallity. Why I have chosen to make alcohol a part of my life? I'm not really quite sure. Maybe it's because of the fact that where I am from, it is almost socially unacceptable to be a sober person? I really don't know. I could probably write a book here right now but I will just introduce myself by saying this. I just turned 21, started drinking when I was 16...I am not an alcoholic, in fact, I know PLENTY of people my age who drink way way more often than I do; however, I am an alcohol abuser. No one seems to understand me. All I ever get is..."you just have to know your limits"..I want to say, yeah ya idiot i realize that, it's sticking to them that I cannot do. Over the last 5 years of my life, I can honestly say about 95 percent of my problems/hardships have been a result of alcohol. I do not crave alcohol but I cannot stick to my limits. It is a constant problem. It causes me SO MUCH stress, anxiety, depression, etc. I do many things I regret and am SO hard on myself for them. I am tired of having bad things in my life happen when they could be avoided. My grandpa was a severe alcoholic and my 24 year old sister has had her struggles as well, and now has been sober for over a year (I am so proud of her). Basically, I am just here to find some support and understanding. I KNOW there are other people out there LIKE ME. WHAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND IS....WITH AN ALCOHOL ABUSER, IT IS ALL or NOTHING. I cannot even begin to tell you the details of what I have been through over the years because of alcohol and alcohol only. I blame it 100 percent. I am tired of it and I cannot do it anymore. Each and every incident keeps getting worse and worse and if I don't do something about it NOW, I can't even imagine what will happen to me in the future. I am from a small town in Nebraska and if you DONT drink, you are a crazy person. I am moving to Las Vegas in 2 months. I have came to a conclusion. Either a) I commit to not drinking ONCE and FOR ALL (which will be EXTREMELY hard but at the same time, I will be able to find a lot more support there than where I am from)....or b) I move there and get myself into a very bad situation. I know I sound harsh but after everything that has happened to me, I am at the point where I feel like for me, continuing to drink will be life-threatening. I am babbling now but I just wanted to come in here and give you all a little background about where I am at. Basically, a BEGINNER. I am the biggest lightweight ever..my whole family is extremely sensitive to alcohol and when I googled the 10 signs that you are an alcohol abuser, I fit about 9 of them. Please give me some support/suggestions/anything.....
I feel hopeless. like an alien. why am I so different than other people my age? Why can't I handle it? Why can't I stick to my limits??? What is wrong with me
:wtf2
I feel hopeless. like an alien. why am I so different than other people my age? Why can't I handle it? Why can't I stick to my limits??? What is wrong with me
:wtf2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Kearney, NE
Posts: 3
I want to add that I do not drink excessively....mainly just on the weekends, and not even every weekend. It doesn't get in the way of my grades, work, etc...or RARELY anyway. it's just...I have struggled so much with the decisions that I make when I do drink. I have a really really hard time not getting drunk and a HUGE personallity flaw of mine is that I am way too trusting of people. Over the years, I have gotten in physical fights, hurt myself (on accident) MANY MANY times *in fact, i have a giant bruise on my arm from last weekend, don't know where it came from*......I get extreme anxiety/stress from it. I am a person who holds myself to very high standards and I am tired of letting myself (and my mom ...who realizes the problem I have) down....OVER.... and OVER......and OVER...............
Once you think you really truly have a handle on it, it comes back to bite you again. It is a never-ending vicious cycle and I am tired of trying all these stupid strategies. NOTHING...and i mean absolutely NOTHING works for me. It is ALL...or NOTHING.
Once you think you really truly have a handle on it, it comes back to bite you again. It is a never-ending vicious cycle and I am tired of trying all these stupid strategies. NOTHING...and i mean absolutely NOTHING works for me. It is ALL...or NOTHING.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Wekcome to SR. 
Quote
All I ever get is..."you just have to know your limits"..I want to say, yeah ya idiot i realize that, it's sticking to them that I cannot do. Over the last 5 years of my life, I can honestly say about 95 percent of my problems/hardships have been a result of alcohol. I do not crave alcohol but I cannot stick to my limits.
This describes me exactly. Unfortunately it took me 40 years to give it up. I also started around 16, maybe a bit earlier.
There are several binge drinkers here that are like you and me.
There is plenty of support at this forum to help us along the way.
You can give it up now if you want to.
Quote
All I ever get is..."you just have to know your limits"..I want to say, yeah ya idiot i realize that, it's sticking to them that I cannot do. Over the last 5 years of my life, I can honestly say about 95 percent of my problems/hardships have been a result of alcohol. I do not crave alcohol but I cannot stick to my limits.
This describes me exactly. Unfortunately it took me 40 years to give it up. I also started around 16, maybe a bit earlier.
There are several binge drinkers here that are like you and me.
There is plenty of support at this forum to help us along the way.
You can give it up now if you want to.
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
hey welcome to SR!
i can totally relate to your story - i'm a freshman at a really big party school and it's really frowned upon NOT to be wasted all the time! Honestly, you mentioned someone telling you to "know your limits" but it honestly sounds like you do: you have a hard time avoiding getting dangerously intoxicated. Probably your limit is nothing.
Also, just because you aren't an "alcoholic" yet does not mean that the behavior you've adapted will not progress into something even worse in the near future. You are really smart to be interested in help -or even just to be checking out the options!
Feel free to private message me any time on here if you need someone to chat with!
Take care and be safe,
Rachel
i can totally relate to your story - i'm a freshman at a really big party school and it's really frowned upon NOT to be wasted all the time! Honestly, you mentioned someone telling you to "know your limits" but it honestly sounds like you do: you have a hard time avoiding getting dangerously intoxicated. Probably your limit is nothing.
Also, just because you aren't an "alcoholic" yet does not mean that the behavior you've adapted will not progress into something even worse in the near future. You are really smart to be interested in help -or even just to be checking out the options!
Feel free to private message me any time on here if you need someone to chat with!
Take care and be safe,
Rachel
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Kearney, NE
Posts: 3
THANK YOU! It makes me feel so good to know that there is SOMEONE..ANYONE...out there who struggles with it the way that I do. I was excited to find websites online that said that there is a difference between being an alcohol abuser and alcohol dependent. I am definitely an alcohol abuser and I feel like if I don't quit NOW or SOON...it is going to have life-life affects. I am scared. I really am. At my age, there is so much pressure to drink. I am at such a loss. I have been through this over and over and over again, trying to "find a way" that "works for me" to control how drunk I get. It is as simple as this, there is no magic strategy. Whenever I feel like...Okay..I got this, I have been doing SO good for such a long time....it's like BAM! Something happens again. I have spent so many days bawling my eyes out, hungover, with chest pains from extreme anxiety...i am so sick of it I could scream. Here's the problem tho...yes, there are people my age out there...but they are NOT like me! I like to be a little crazy, have fun, I am spiritual but not religious. I feel like ANYONE my age who doesn't drink....is a huge super-religious stick in the mud. Sorry, but that's the way it is. I am a good person I really am! I just have been ruined my alcohol!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
Welcome!
It's great you realize you have a problem at such an early age!
Alcoholism is progressive and you are right to be concerned about your future.
You'll love the SR message board. I'm sure you'll find lots of support and guidance.
It's great you realize you have a problem at such an early age!
Alcoholism is progressive and you are right to be concerned about your future.
You'll love the SR message board. I'm sure you'll find lots of support and guidance.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Welcome.
This is your decision how you label yourself. I have friends who never drink who are not alcoholics. They don't drink because they have alcoholism running rampant in their family and don't want to chance it. Sounds reasonable to me. Some of my friends are religious and some are not. I worried so much about how I would deal with my not drinking and how others would see that and honestly, no one really cared when I said, "no thank you, I don't drink."
Something was suggested to a friend of mine who was not sure she was an alcoholic (I don't know how she labels herself now) and she decided to give up drinking for a year. If her life got better she was just going to continue not to drink. I believe she is still sober. Alcohol is not my drug of choice but I have abused it. I just gave it up along with the pills and haven't looked back.
I can't tell you what to do (not that anyone wants to be told what to do) but I hope that sharing what I know to be true (my BIL calls it a testimony in his church LOL) you get something out of my post that you can use.
Keep posting, this is an amazing place.
This is your decision how you label yourself. I have friends who never drink who are not alcoholics. They don't drink because they have alcoholism running rampant in their family and don't want to chance it. Sounds reasonable to me. Some of my friends are religious and some are not. I worried so much about how I would deal with my not drinking and how others would see that and honestly, no one really cared when I said, "no thank you, I don't drink."
Something was suggested to a friend of mine who was not sure she was an alcoholic (I don't know how she labels herself now) and she decided to give up drinking for a year. If her life got better she was just going to continue not to drink. I believe she is still sober. Alcohol is not my drug of choice but I have abused it. I just gave it up along with the pills and haven't looked back.
I can't tell you what to do (not that anyone wants to be told what to do) but I hope that sharing what I know to be true (my BIL calls it a testimony in his church LOL) you get something out of my post that you can use.
Keep posting, this is an amazing place.
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Welcome to SR!
You will find alot of support here, and alot of people who will relate to you. Even though alcohol wasn't my drug of choice, I have met many people in your situation who turned things around. Alcoholism is rampant in my family too, so alot of us in the family have dealt with things the same way over the years.
Peace!
You will find alot of support here, and alot of people who will relate to you. Even though alcohol wasn't my drug of choice, I have met many people in your situation who turned things around. Alcoholism is rampant in my family too, so alot of us in the family have dealt with things the same way over the years.
Peace!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Lebanon, TN.
Posts: 15
Your not alone thinking about all the peer pressure at your age. There is still a lot of peer pressure at my age too! You maybe should take up something new like dancing, working out or ice skating. There is lots of cool stuff to do that doesn't involve alcohol. Hang in there! It does get better and you are not alone.
E.
E.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,500
Hi and Welcome,
It doesn't matter how often you drink, or how much - if alcohol is causing you problems in your life, then it's a big problem. Alcoholics cannot control their drinking no matter how much they try. I spent more than a year, determined to control my drinking, and failing every time. And, all I did was obsess about drinking. Stopping drinking was a relief.
There are lots of wonderful people in the world who are your age, and who don't drink. You'll find that if you stop drinking, your social groups will change and you'll realize that there are plenty of people around who don't drink. I hope you keep posting.
It doesn't matter how often you drink, or how much - if alcohol is causing you problems in your life, then it's a big problem. Alcoholics cannot control their drinking no matter how much they try. I spent more than a year, determined to control my drinking, and failing every time. And, all I did was obsess about drinking. Stopping drinking was a relief.
There are lots of wonderful people in the world who are your age, and who don't drink. You'll find that if you stop drinking, your social groups will change and you'll realize that there are plenty of people around who don't drink. I hope you keep posting.
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