I am sad and mad and tired *warning: sex talk*
 

I am so sad today.

I think that my feelings about my friend have caught up with me. I just feel like a piece of s**t.

I am so tired of everyone expecting me to be strong and perform in every area of my life.

How am I supposed to work a full-time job, perform, take improv classes, maintain my relationship and morn my friend. And I have no outlet to relieve the constant pressure.

Everyone thinks of me as really strong without knowing it's my not feeling my emotions because I have to make the next thing.

And I can't even talk to my partner about this because she's the same flippin' way as I am (Pot.Kettle.Black) and I have to yell at her to get her to listen to me for anything serious. Also she's pissed because we are not having sex as often as she'd like. So I'm supposed to do everything above and then come home after a 14 hour day and just get to it? And then I hear "I was married and I'm not going to be in another sexless relationship" It feels like she's threatening to leave me because I'm not putting out.

She wants me to make money at my job so I can buy her everything, and also perform comedy, and, and, and, and, oh, and, don't forget to please me. Oh and don't drink. Oh and don't do anything to relieve the pressure.

This is the dialog in my head coming form my SO: Why don't you work out? I'll make you feel better. Oh no, let's go to bed at midnight, because I don't have to get up early, but you get up at 6:30 to work-out, work a full 8-5 day, then have shows/classes/goals/spend time with me at night and then go to bed at midnight (or later) again. Oh and don't have any time on the weekends because that's when your classes are. Oh, but I'm mad because you don't spend enough time with me, but you need to achieve! Oh you have a couple of hours? Oh yes, let's do something. You sit there for an hour while I finish this thing that I'm doing. Oh and then you pay for whatever we're doing otherwise we can't do it. Because I own my own business and can't afford whateveritis right now even though you are supporting yourself so you can eventually do comedy full time but why should I respect your dreams when Mom and Dad paid for me to start my business, now let's go to dinner or I'll complain because we don't do anything anymore.

Oh and you can't talk about your friend that killed herself because I'm uncomfortable.

I'm really in a bad place today.

I'm glad you got all of that out in the open, it seems as if you are under WAY too much pressure right now.
Have you tried talking to your wife about the way you feel, and how exhausted you are?

You are very strong to be going through all of this without drinking... Give yourself a pat on the back.

It sounds as if your wife needs to face reality and not expect you to be a robot for her desires.

Wow...Thats a whole lot ringin in your head.
Thats why I stay single.

I agree with TM..You have done good with all that. And all that mess in your ear. I would hurt someone. LOL

MAybe its time to voice your thoughts. Or maybe a big STFU wouldnt hurt. J/K

Keep the focus on you and honestly...Maybe a good talking to with your partner is in order.

I hope you find a meduin soon. Hang in there.

That's what I tell mine. Maybe you can tell her to cut you some slack on nights where you have to get up early the next day and you can promise to..uhmm...put out on certain nights. I don't think women understand how much pressure they can put on us to perform. Personally, at 36 I have trouble sometimes getting in the mood. Especially when things get busy in life. I need to be seduced. Maybe if she made herself up and wore something sleezy and flirted a little first it would help?

I guess thats why they say you shouldnt be involved in relationships in early recover (where i'm at)....you have to be selfish and look out for numero uno at this point....dont let her drag you down...is she in recover as well?

about your friend who is no longer with you...is there someone else besides your partner that you can vent to?....got to get that sht off your chest

Thanks everyone.

To clear something up..I'm a woman as well. So that changes the dynamic. I would like to be seduced too, but it seems coming home to pajama bottoms and a video game is about as hot as it gets in our house. It doesn't help that I used to only have sex when I was drunk.

I wrote to a counselor today to get an appointment. I have to much **** floating around my head not to talk about it with someone where I can be blunt and don't have to frame everything with their feelings in mind. There are just so many questions with M's death and the meaning of it all and blah blah blah.

I hope they can see me soon.

Thanks Everyone

SFM

Thanks, Mr.!

We've been together over 2 years and she's not an alcoholic. And overachiever sure, but not an alcoholic.

We're spending time together tonight, and I'll talk to her (maybe, lol)

SoberforMe,

I think that, first of all, you need to give yourself some credit. Here you are - sober. Waking up sober. Going to bed sober. Regardless of all the other noise in your head, I hope you can let that thought surface and recognize it for the achievement that it is.

In terms of the rest of the stress and anxiety in your life, I wonder if at least part of the tension has to do with what you expect from yourself rather than what others may or may not be expecting from you?

Like, why are you carrying the financial burden in your relationship? Why are you responsible for making sex work in your relationship? Why are you taking on a full-time job, school, and performing all that the same time? Why are you holding in your sorrow over your friend's death? And why, for heaven's sake, do you not go to bed when you are tired?

It's almost like you are scanning the world for directions about where to walk and how to step and what to say next and when to breathe. Who says everyone else gets to be the boss of you? What do you want?

Well, I hope that doesn't feel harsh. I hope you can find some time to take some time for yourself and relax and begin to process your friend's death. And I hope you give yourself some credit for your sobriety. You deserve it.

Wow that's heavy ! When I get that way I have to remember that sobriety is my priority. I picture a wheel and the axle is my sobriety and the Spokes are every thing else. When the spokes start to collapse the axle is in trouble!Good luck.

sounds like you got with a regular jewish american princess. We got a lot of them down here in boca.

I dont have much in terms of advice other than maybe giving her the boot and find somebody who understands // appreciates you. She has no right to demand 100% of your down-time to do only things she feels are fun and interesting. thats not a relationship

hahhahhaa

She's from Florida! Ft Lauderdale. LOL

No she's great! The view is screwed-up from here due to my mood, but we really have a great time together most of the time. She's inspired me to be more than I ever thought possible (including sober). So I don't want to give the wrong impression.

I agree mle-sober, I do take on everything and think it's my responsibility. I'm doing all of this right now because I love comedy and want to make it my job, but it's like building a new business, you have to build it. So I perform and go to improv classes. You're right, the pressure does come from my head and I add it to the outside pressure that I feel.

Most of this is the pressure from M killing herself. I did this after my Mom died, the MUST LIVE LIFE NOW feeling. As if I have to cram all of my living into one day, or a week, or it's all going to go away. One of the many reasons I drank, it shut that voice up and I could be in the moment (even if that moment was cloudy)

Sex is a 2 way street. It's about both parties wanting to be there. I did it without wanting to way too many times. It made me feel used. I won't ever do it again. If I'm not in the mood and my husband is, maybe he should try to do something to get me in the mood, and if not, it ain't happening. If he doesn't take me for what I am, that's his choice not mine.

Sorry, this part hits too close to home.

...and I knew you were a girl. Just sayin'

I hope things get better for you.

Sex is sex regardless of gender. (really and truly)

No thank you for that. I feel the same way, but I don't want to lose her because I'm not having sex with her. But at the same time, I really don't' want to right now. My brain does but my body is like 'no no no'

Thats understandable. But it doesnt sound like its making you very happy.
You are suppose to enjoy what you do in life. Maybe slow down some. Take it easy. Be easy on yourself and grieve a little?
Its ok to be weak sometimes. You are goin to be so focused on cramming everything you can into one day that you arent even going to benefit the good from it.
And the last paragraph in your OP..LOL I have to say ..I seriously heard a voice naggin in my head as I was reading that. OMG..I have been there so many times. I could never have had the patience to type it all out like that tho.
Ex D called that one. LOL...I am from WPB and I wouldnt have picked up on that. LOL
And yes..Mle is dead on. Look at what you are doing thats good. And to me ..it looks like alot.

haha thats almost to funny, lauderdale is less than 20 minutes from where I live.


Hopefully when you speak to her and express how your feeling and stuff she listens and eases up a bit. Congrats on your recovery though!! its not easy especially with all the other stuff you have going on at the moment as well. Cherish it.

I hear you SoberforME. I used to have sex a lot more often.....because I drank a lot! Ever since I quit drinking, and it's been a month, my sex drive is GONE! My girlfriend keeps saying the same things...I'm just hoping once I get my sh!t together, the desire for intimacy will return. Luckily for me, my partner is understanding. I hope once you speak to yours, she will understand.

FLL. Silicone Valley.

:laughing:

lol i remember one time me and my buddy went to the boca town center (local mall in boca ra.ton) and sat down at the food court counting which women were "physically enhanced" and which werent. it was roughly 1 in 3 lol

Soaber, I have to be the comical one here.........buy her a viberator and say it is in exchange for one night of uninterupted sleep......sweetie you just need to give YOU a break, from it all, pressure is pressure tell her just how you did us, and if she doesnt understand then tell her look I care for you and all but this is too much pressure......good luck..........


Hugs,
Pamm