robc

I agree that this forum is for support, but also believe in being honest. Sometimes people (me) need a kick in the ass to get motivated. I have nothing against Katie and wish her the best. I was just being honest and expressing my frustration. I don't believe that coddling is the only way to support someone. Support can be given in many ways and sometimes being brutally honest is being extremely supportive. It is easy to tell someone what they want to hear versus being honest as you see the situation. I don't think I have control of anything or that I am superior or that I am so me sort of expert. I do feel that I have the right to give my opinion and I welcome other's opinions as well. I need support as well and will welcome it in any form that it is given, whether it be coddling or brutal honesty.

FizzyWater

Not disagreeing with Nicki's reaction to this post, think it is a bit harsh and I wish you all the best Katie.

What I did notice ( and found strange I must admit ) is that this is HMBHGW's first post though.

Don't know what made you post in this thread as your first post but welcome and if your still reading this and feel you need help yourself please post again HM.

Don't think that all the reactions in this thread are typical of SR.

I've posted regularly when I've needed to over the last 9 months or so with no negative reaction.

robc

Katie, I have given some thought to what you said and also to why I made the comments that I made. I can totally relate to the money issue and totally agree you need to look after your dogs. I think the reason I was so blunt was because you said that you had found a place and already arranged to go there. I read two days of posts about how much you wanted to get to your prearranged rehab and you were just waiting for your friend to get there so that he could drive you. Then, I read that your friend has been there several days and you are trying to find a rehab place. That did not make sense to me and that is why I expressed myself the way I did. Did something change? Is there a reason you have not gone to the rehab that you already arranged to go to? Is there a reason your friend can't drive you to the place that he came all the way out to drive you to? I guess I just don't understand your situation. It just sounds to me like you are making excuses not to go. That's cool with me, but don't spend two days writing threads saying how badly you want to go to rehab and how hard it is waiting for you ride. Just thought I would explain my original post of frustration. Good luck and please keep us posted of your progress. I look forward to hearing good things.

jimhere

First off, amends are in order. I shot from the hip this morning in a post about Katie being a troll. I have been informed that I was wrong. Wrong in more ways than one. Amends are in order to you Katie. I don't know how I've harmed you, but if you wish, feel free to let me know publicly and I'll see what I can do to make it right. The same goes for anyone else who feels that I harmed them by my brash action.

All the being said, alcoholism is harsh.

On my mother's side of the family, we've been dying of alcoholism for generations. My grandfather drank himself to death before I was born. One uncle was a decorated tailgunner over Europe in WWII. I never met him. He drowned in his own blood from esophogeal hemmoraging. He was only twenty-three years old. Another uncle was a merchant seaman. The last we heard of him, he was in the Bay Area in the mid 70's. Still another uncle is in the state hospital in Vinita, Oklahoma, his brain mush and his mind gone, a classic wet brain. I have one aunt who is seventeen years sober and my mother never drank, because she saw what alcoholism had done to her family. Sadly, she had to watch it happen to me as well.

One last uncle. He had tried to get sober for years. He lived in Germany for about twenty years and he used to call from the other side of the planet, drunk out of his mind, sobbing and blubbering. Finally his wife divorced him and he came back to the states. He ran through one family member after another. My mom and my aunt would not have anything to do with him. His kids wanted nothing to do with him.

About six years ago, he was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He was living with some woman he met in The Alano Club, using her like we do. One morning, about sixty days away from his last drink, he got up one morning and couldn't see going on one more minute the way he was. He went out in the backyard, put the barrel of a 9mm Glock in his mouth and blew his brains out through the top of his head. He made the supreme sacrifice and now he doesn't have to drink anymore.

So, while I sincerely attempt to make amends for my posting before thinking, I will not apologize for the stance I take. This is not a game. Alcoholics die ugly deaths. But first they live an ugly life, affecting everyone who cares for them.
Peace,
Jim

LosingmyMisery

Speaking for myself, the frustration for me is reading all the threads filled with despair and desperation, but not taking action with the options that are available. We offer support and experience and then it is soon forgotten. I know the burden of action falls on you, Katie. We can only offer our experience and the rest is up to you.

You seem to have a hard time staying on focus. You mention your friend and how concerned he is. He was supposed to help you get into rehab and instead he contributes to you getting drunk. How is that showing concern? I don't care how many homes he has, he has a problem and he is contributing to yours. I am not impressed with how free he is fiscally, the man has issues and if he doesn't address them, he may lose everything like many of us alcoholics do. Having stuff means nothing, sobriety means life.

You are correct that you are on the crux of life and death, but again, you lack focus. In grand alcoholic fashion an attempt to get sober has turned into one last hurrah. And literally, it may be your last, which is something we never can control and can or will result in your death.

I don't see comments as being condescending. I see others trying to help you help yourself. If you don't, death may be eminent. Only an active alcohol can perceive that as condescending. It doesn't take days of drinking to figure out finances and pet care. Let's get serious, these are poor excuses.

Alcoholics may not be stupid, but while drinking, we do really stupid stuff. The drinking muddles are thought process and rationale is being thrown out the window. This is no time to be innovative. Being innovative is not what you need right now. You need help. Focus on sobriety, but quit setting limitations on what you will or will not do. Your options are narrowing and so is your time. As far as I see it, you can't afford NOT to go to treatment. Now, all you have to do is get there. This should be relatively simple. No more pondering over cocktails, just do it.

If I may suggest anything, go back and read your posts. Remember the fear, the pain and the desperation. Remember why you came here and what you want to achieve. If you don't like what you hear, remind yourself of some of the choices you have made lately and how they have sabotaged your goal. I know, we don't always make the right choices, especially while drinking, but you hold the key. It is up to you how your life turns out. You don't have to live your life this way. There is a solution, all you have to do is quit fighting it and grasp hold of it. I wish you the best....

Katie09

Thank you, and it makes me happy if my experience can make you feel grateful. The decision is done. After so much research and waffling (you know, this guy was in the DOD for 34 years and has to mull over every detail - to the point he drives me crazy). Nonetheless, finances do have to be considered. I'm not a rich person and this must be considered. So...I am Florida bound. One thing unique about this place is a total lack of anything 12 step related. He knows I'll bolt at the first mention of this. The idea is to get REAL help for ME, given my quirks and life history. They deal in trauma and a bunch of other stuff. This place might even be mentioned on the SR website.

So even though I get very frustated at times, there are some people on this site with the HUGEST hearts I will ever see in my lifetime. My friend has told me he is going to see me squared away NO MATTER WHAT.

So, I've already checked the airlines and Petsmart Hotel. I must call early in the a.m. to ensure my arrival and departure times will work with the schedule. Once that is done, I will deal with the details of this house. Just having him here for five days has done a world of good. Truth is, if I could hold him hostage to see me get on the plane, I would. But he has other responsibilities and so do I. So, I am going to do my damn best to step up to the plate and do what must be done.

One other point and this is one of the best truisms to ever take away from AA, take what you need and leave the rest. So, I will only take loving and positive things said on this forum to HELP ME TO SAVE MY LIFE. The rest of it...forget it. And also, some of this stuff on this thread I have found to be hurtful, that I may have to revisit and actually put people on ignore, which has never been my style. I would, however, and like the old adage goes, if you can't say anything nice, there is always the ignore button and the option to not even read my threads. Duh!

Jules62

I hope you actually do get the help you need.If you're for real.

That said-the whole 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'? adage is from a Disney movie-Bambi.And frankly? A philosophy geared at 5 year olds?Is something I think I'm a bit over by now....It's unrealistic and very co-dependant.

Part of sobriety is being a 'grown up' and being able to take things on the chin.Not everyone is going to like you, agree with you, or give you hugs when you deserve something else.That's life.

Just a thought.

Lenina

Katie,

Well done! Continue to follow through and go!

As you can see a lot of people reached out to you. Each of us has our own style and I'll bet each of us saw a little bit of our disease. I suspect that's why there was such a strong response.

Please take good care of yourself and do keep us posted on your recovery. It doesn't matter how you get sober, it just matters that you stay sober! You can do this.

Love,

Lenina

yeahgr8

Good luck Katie, I am pleased that you are doing this and wish you all the best with your decision! It's easy to be judgemental and I am really struggling not to be in sobriety, but still find myself lacking a lot of the time. I would say that all people that posted want you to get better, it's true to also say until you are ready to quit drinking and get help, you won't! Only you can say if this is the time for you, however there is no doubt in my mind that 30 days in a controlled enviroment with professionals helping you to change your thought process and how to implement new life skills will do you the world of good, I don't think anyone would disagree with that...

I'm sure you will post before going again, just wanted to say best of luck again for when you get into rehab!

Katie09

You're right, in fact 80% of the people you encounter in life are not going to like you. You know that? It's ok. My dad always used to tell me I had to get a tougher skin - this coming from a Norwegian Swedish Stoic. So I do get it. However, at a certain point in life one cannot afford the negativity. I went to bed earlier today and told my friend, you are looking at one sick girl. And my friend sat by me at my bedside. That's what I needed. What I don't need is anyone questioning my sincerity to do this deal. That is all.

And one thing I've learned about life? You come into this world needing your diapers changed. Then you end up like my 93 year old dad needing his diapers changed. It's a circle of life. But don't get me started on this stuff because I am digressing too much. What people do need to have for others is to dispense with this tough love stuff and simply CARE.

Katie09

Thank you. I am starting to see that maybe I am too much of a handful for this forum. I do NOT want to cause undue stress. I AM going to FL and I am going to get the help I need. My problem is I spend a lot of time on the Net and am not sleeping.

At any rate, I am going to do my very best to get a grip, stay away from here. I am afraid I am a real case, although my friend swears I am so functional, yet I am not. See, I still look ok on the outside, but I am so NOT ok on the inside.

So...I'll give you all a breather and, co-dependent that I am, it's not about your post. I'm just so sick of me and I'm sure y'all may be at that point too. I'll come back when I am healthier. Thanks all, God Bless, and outta here! :ghug2

NewBeginning010

I agree with this ;-)

Katie, please remember that a lot of these posts are because people care & they know the pain we do to ourselves when we are drinking. I know some of them are hard/edgy but I think you can get something out of each one if read the right way.

Best of luck on your recovery, we are all here with you :ghug2

Aysha

We have our share of handfuls here. Me being one of them.
Good Luck Katie. Wish I was going to treatment in FL.

Dee74

Everybody cares - but I figure care and respect goes two ways.

If you hum and hah, change your story, keep throwing up obstacles and it seems the most you end up actually accomplishing is getting drunk, ppl here will try to hold you to account and remind you of what you said and what you need to do to save your life.

Personally, I love that. That's not tough love - that's friends - people who days ago were complete strangers - trying to look out for you.

We know it's hard to stop. Everyone of us has been there. Thats why we look out for you.

But if all you do then is continue to hum and hah, change your story, put up obstacles and get drunk, people will naturally assume you're just not listening....and fallout inevitably ensues.

We grow up in dirty diapers, and some of us end up back in them sure - but there's this large expanse in the middle called adulthood where the buck stops with us.

We make our present, which shapes our future - ultimately no-one else is responsible for what we make of it.

I'm pleased you're starting to make your present and going to FL - I hope it works out for you.

D

firestorm090

Hi Katie,

I'm relatively new to this group, however I'm not new to living my life as a drunk. I did it for far too long and lost alot of life by continuing to do it when I knew down deep inside how destructive the lifestyle was.

As it has been demonstrated throughout the course of this thread, people give up on us, when they have exhausted whatever input they had which they considered would be helpful to us. The bottom line is that we cannot give up on ourselves. If you are sincere in your desire to change you life, then it is of utmost importance to connect with people who can show you how to change and support you in your efforts to do that. The only life that you should be concerned with today is your own. Others here have found ways that work for them in their efforts to change their lives and that ultimately is the responsibility you now face. One thing is for sure, doing the same thing only yields the same results. If you plan to go to treatment, then so be it and make the first step through the door. You can't get the help you seek by watching from outside. You have to go in, hear what they suggest and see if you can apply their knowledge to help you change your life. In the end, the choice is yours, not your friend from so cal, not your relatives, and not the people here in this group. The final choice is yours and yours alone. I can assure you, as you already know, that alcohol will still have the devastating effects next year as it has today. The only difference is whether or not we choose to drink it. Sometimes we need alot of help to make the right choice.

I sincerely hope that you will consider that which has been said that may help you make a difference in your own life. The severity of your decision will be determined by the decision you make. You can either become a more severe alcoholic, or you may be able to arrest your affliction by listening to others and applying what they have learned to your own life, by which you may severely alter the final outcome of your days that remain.

The only real good advice comes from your heart. Listen closely, then you may hear the fears that are stopping you from reaching out to a new way of life. Under all of those fears, there is still a person crying out for help. Sometimes we have to say ok, I'll take the help today, for it is so freely given.

jimhere

We'll see.

Aysha

I have heard "I will believe it when I see it" So many times.
And even though I may deserve it sometimes. It hurts to hear that some people just give up so easily.
I am the type that will "show you then"
Some may take it as why bother.
All that matters is that someone keeps trying. Hell I been trying for years. Talkin out my ass alot of times.
I am not making excuses for anyone by any means.
But there has been some progress in the new post. Can we keep assumptions and BS to ourselves until given a reason again to doubt?
I may be supporting a lost cause. I dont know. But I dont believe anyone is truly ever a lost cause.
If that was the case. I would have long since been gone.
I dont know..Maybe I am foolin myself in believing. Hopefully not.

Freedom1990

He's so concerned he's drinking with you.

In my case, my intelligence was not an asset when I was actively drinking.

I was almost too smart to stay sober.

James13

You aren't causing anything. I've had to learn that I do not make anyone feel a certain way. They will react or feel as they will. It's not really about me.

But I hope you get into a better sleep pattern. Take care of you!

We've seen all kinds of things here. Not really sure what sets your situation apart from those.

We care about you. One thing I have noticed is that my "friends" who are still using regularly don't want to hang out since I am sober. Some tell me I have no problem. It's time for me to look at the reality, whether I like it or not: If they aren't going to support me through my positive change, they probably aren't friends to begin with. This is the reality.

Good luck to you, and please take care of yourself. We are here whenever you need us!

Much love.

jimhere

It hurts to watch someone die. And I sure as hell am not going to co-sign ******** and help someone die. That hurts worse and sucks the life out of you. It ain't about giving up on someone, but comes a time when you have to, quote an old verse, let the dead bury the dead and shake the dust from your shoes and move on. It 's like if you don't care, I can't care. In other words if you don't even care enough about your own life to participate in it, I don't have the energy to care for you. But if you show me one little bit that you do care, I can't help but care.

Most of you don't seem to understand that to get emotionally entangled in an alcoholic's drama makes you useless to that person. You have to rise above the problem. Notice I said rise above the problem, not the alcoholic.

About the "we'll see" statement.

I bounced in and out AA meetings, de-toxes, nut wards, and treatment centers for ten years. Every time I came dragging my ass back, they would ask me "Are you done yet? Are you tired?" I would always say "Well...." And they would say "That's what we thought."

They knew where I was at. I had reservations. I put conditions on sobriety. You know what that looks like, I'm sure. For me it was "If I have a job." If my wife lets me come back home." If I get my driver's license back," "If I get the right sponsor, or the right information," yada yada yada. I had plans and ideas of how it was supposed to be. I had stuff left to lose.

After about ten years of that I was tired. I ran out of options. I ran out of people, money, time, whiskey, good ideas, and places to go. I came dragging back. They asked "Are you done yet?" My only answer was "I don't know, but I sure as hell hope so." My first sponsor asked me if I was ready to give up liquor for good and for all and if I was willing to go to any extreme to do so. I said I was. He said "We'll see." And I was. I didn't care what I had to do or where I had to go. I would've become a holy roller if that is what it took.

Based on my personal experience and from working with a lot of alcoholics, from what I've read of Katie's posts, all I can say is we'll see.

Hopefully she will make a liar out of me. But we'll see.
Jim