My First Post
 

Hello to everyone. I have been reading some some of your posts. It is odd how there is a feeling of recognition in almost every story.

I have been engaged to a man ( off and on) for about a year. We have postponed our wedding date several times because of his alcoholic tirades. I have kicked him out of my house several times for things that have happened when he was drinking. Somehow I have let him convince me that things will be better if I gave him another chance.

It has been much like insanity. The things he says and does that seem completely crazy to me. I have been devoted to this guy. One reason is that he is an amazing man when he is sober. Kind, loving, considerate and romantic. Everything I have always wanted in a man.

Unfortunately, this man disapears and in his place there is an angry, nasty person who makes me feel as though I never do enough, never give him enough. One who goes into rages and follows me around screaming until I leave my own house just to get some peace.

Right after last time I made him move out, he got a DUI, went to jail. His mom bailed him out before he even had a chance to sober up. Now he has no driver license, lost his job and went to stay with his mom, supposedly to do rehab there.

He talks to me every day and says he has been staying sober for the past month. I believed it until Saturday when he called and started ranting at me about all kinds of stuff. He still insists that he had nothing to drink- but I know him well enough to know that is not true.

I am exhausted, have no social life anymore, and few friends that have kept in touch. (none of them liked him).

He always tells me I am the responsible one. I don't want to be responsible for everything. I own my business, plus I am a full-time student and raising my teenage son. Just don't have time to take care of all his issues and don't want to either.

I think his mom and ex-wife have always rescued him from whatever problems he has created for himself.
He tells me all the time how much he loves me and that he will do anything to me with me.

Sometimes I feel like he just wants to drag me down, make me feel as bad as he does. He is good at it too. I have known for awhile that I should walk away and have been almost free, then he talks to me and I fall right back into it. I know this is bad for me, I feel so depressed at times.
I just can't seem to find the strength to end it. That little glimmer of hope keeps tempting me.
:praying

Welcome, you are not alone.

it IS insanity, living with an active alcoholic. i understand, being the mom of one.

welcome!

have you thought about or are you going alanon meetings?

keep posting! hugs, k

have you thought about or are you going alanon meetings?

keep posting! hugs, k[/QUOTE]

Thanks

I guess this would be my first step in that direction. It is about time, this is certainly not the first alcoholic in my life.

Hi Miyah and welcome to SR.

I'm sorry to hear of the pain and struggles in your life because of this man. What are you doing for YOU today?

I strongly encourage you to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum here on SR. You'll get wonderful support and encouragement from people who have been right where you are now.

Please feel free to keep reading (especially check out the "Sticky" threads at the top of each forum) and post as much as you feel comfortable with. You most certainly are NOT alone.

I wish you well,
TSH

p.s. A mod might want to move this to another forum so that it gets seen by more people.

welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Welcome.....:wave:

Let's see...he is unsable emotionally...lies...rages at you
has no drivers license ... homeless and is jobless.
What would you tell your best firend is she was involved with him?

You might want to read..."Co Dependent No More" by M. Beattie
Toby Rice Drews books are also excellent.

:hug: Best wishes to you and your son

Welcome! I too suggest the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum, also AlAnon. You need support to get away from this guy. He sounds like bad news to me. Be good to yourself, even if it means getting free of him. Don't let him drag you down to his level.

:ghug3

Holy moly, why on earth are you with him? I think you need help, any chance you can go to a counselor and try and understand why you are putting yourself in this position, there must be a reason? Wishing the best for you!

Thank You!!
 

Thank you all for your kind words. I can't tell you how it's made me feel reading the same story from so many others. I was feeling so alone in this. It has only occured to me now that I am as addicted to him as he is to alcohol .
Certainly none of my friends understand why I am with him. I don't even really. Though at this moment he is nearly 600 miles away, he has grip on me- through texting and calls and email. And of course I answer them.
In fact just got a email that says he wants to marry me and live happily ever after. What the heck??
Yes, I can see that I do need help. And I am definately going to find it. I am feeling pretty stupid now. I keep wondering how I got into this and how I let it go on for so long. In other areas of my life I have been successful, I am an A student, have had my own business for 9 years, own my home, but when it comes to men, I make the dumbest choices.

My dad was an alcoholic, and I have been married to one who got sober when I divorced him.

So again, thanks and I will visit here often. And today I will find some help.

Good Point!
 

[QUOTE=CarolD;2136054]Welcome.....:wave:

Let's see...he is unsable emotionally...lies...rages at you
has no drivers license ... homeless and is jobless.
What would you tell your best firend is she was involved with him?

:c029:

I would tell my friend to run for her life!!!