AlkalikeH

Finished it. Around this hour. A week ago. That was my last one.

I was reluctant on posting anything about this as i do not really believe in counting days or putting pressure
on the days of sobriety, since i can only believe they can add pressure and then a heavy amount of guilt on a slip.

That is why i just want to thank everyone here at SR. You are awesome!
I could not have done it without you girls and boys.

I can be a sentimental **** sometimes... what the hell: :ghug

Best of success to all of you and have a hard living sober day!

Astro

Well done on your first week Alka, keep on keepin' on and doing the deal, it only gets better. One day at a time of course

Fubarcdn

I think that the first week is the hardest so congratulations.
When you first came here I knew you would be one of the successful ones but always keep in mind whether you have 1 week or 1 year that you have only just begun.

AlkalikeH

Thanks Astro, nice meeting you. Please call me H.

it is a funny thing. When i found SR i was in a horrible state of mind. I was just
around sober and submerged in absolute madness and withdrawal. So i was to
pick a nickname and it was supposed to be "AlkalineH." but i screwed the N for
a K. So now it reads sort of like "Alcohol Likes H." which is pretty, scary subconscious message.

It is an affair on both ends, that had to end.

I am taking it as it comes, rolling with the punches that comes with it.

Keep up the good fight!

AlkalikeH

Hey Fubar! Thank you and thanks for the blind faith!

You have been awesome in all your posts and the threads i have been seen.
I thank you for sticking around!

Exactly, this is just starting, i do feel sometimes like s**t on a old rotten
shoe, buried deep down a garbage landfill - but with the sober life i also
feel that someone pushed the PLAY button and things are beginning to happen.

:ghug3

Aysha

Its good to get even a day sober in.
And a whole week is a big deal.
I dont count days either. For the same reasons you said. Too much pressure.
Today is all that matters.
Great job. Keep doing the dam thing.

AlkalikeH

Hi Chiynita! (is that a typo for the spanish word "chinita"?)

Thanks for posting and thanks for the kind words.
I have read about your struggles.
You sound like a lovely person that deserves all the love and
support in the world. Just like anyone around here.
I hope you keep reaching out.

All i can do is send you some of my strength and love.
There is a whole different life in store for you, i do believe that.
We just need to work it out, be patient, be charitable, have hope.

Indeed, what counts is that we are sober today.
Heck, Monday was everywhere yesterday. I had to go to a meeting
and there was alcohol involved in it. And it was not about not drinking
or not, it was the pressure that is in my life job-wise. So i could easily
just pour myself one and f**k things up and forget about it.
Since it was on a three story house, i excused myself. Went to the
rooftop and just stared at the tall, lit buildings and the night.
Got a glimpse out there and saw million of lives and million of opportunities.
I also saw some raw misery in it, because we cannot carry without it.
But i thought on how much worst it would all seem if i were drunk, i would
prolly think about jumping rather staying there, smoking a small cheap cigar
and just stepping out a bit from my life and fall a bit in love with it.

So thanks again! :ghug3

Aysha

You would be right.. mixed asian girl in spanish..LOL

Thx for the support. I love looking at landscapes like that. Especially at night. I am sucker for the beach at night.

In the treatment place I am goin looks over a valley and a river and at night it is all lit up. I will sit at the window at night and just look out over the valley and think of all those people out there.

Good luck.

least

Congrats on your first sober week! THe first week can be very rough going, but now that's behind you and you can just continue to stay sober one day at a time.

:ghug3

Hevyn

This is wonderful, H. You've added alot to the place. I was like you when I first got here, but for me it took 3 mos. for it all to penetrate my alcoholic fog. You're doin' it right - however you're doin' it. Sending love.

mamabin

I'm thinking the very same thing about counting days. It kept me going for the first couple weeks, but I've seen too many people here beat themselves up over starting at day one, as if all those sober days meant nothing. So I'm not counting anymore. I remember the date that I became serious enough to get help, and I'm leaving it at that. And I'm getting through today.

nickishine

You really had me going there with your thread starter!!!

Congrats on one week! That's huge for us alkies/addicts, huh?! ONE DAY is huge for us! Glad to be seeing thru the fog today and be here to lend support and love to ya!

Keep hangin' in....It gets better!

AlkalikeH

Hi Least! Thanks!

I have a bunch of "first weeks" and this indeed was harsh. The last one i had was a breeze and thought i was under control, then again at day 9 i was back-to-back with the beer bottles by the ton. And the last one next to the last was a nightmare. This particular week, was hellish.

That is why, without myself and SR, i would not be around here posting.
I am extremely thankful to have found you all, and i assume you all feel the same.

Once again, thanks! and thanks for always been there on the newbie threads, offering early advice - it is so conforting to have an open arms welcome when wounded. we all know that.

AlkalikeH

Thanks Hevyn! Hopefully i will become as much as an asset such as yourself around here. Would love to add as much as i can, always knowing that i hardly know things, that i am also weak, that i know pain, i know failure and i also know that all that can be endured through sobriety.

If you ask me right now, on how i am doing it (because depends on the minute that i am trapped that i need an out, you know, different traps demand different ways to escape) is all about, of course, thinking about doing this for myself and not for anyone else AND through bribes: yeah, right now i just go "man, if you start drinking again we are going to miss Watchmen!" or "we won´t have any money for that Turgenev book you have always wanted!" or "man, we gotta be alive to see SAW VI on Halloween!". I know is utterly stupid, and there are priorities such as work and bills (most of mankind has a late gas bill or something that is due) but if can only think on bribes that are already stressful and not in enjoyable bribes i would go switch to the classic "F**CK EVERYTHING" mode and just hit the bottle and be in an even worst position to the one that i am in right now.

And then again, that is if you ask me right now. I would like to ask you the same thing - or in that case to anyone.

Thanks again, sending the strength and love ten folds Hevyn <3!!

AlkalikeH

Well, yeah, it is pretty basic. A kid keeps coming back to their parents with straight A´s... for let´s say a couple of periods. Then something happens with Math and the kid gets a C. Goes back to their parents and they give him enough sh*t to last him a lifetime. The kid will bend or break. I don´t see that happening here for example, but i have seen it happening in other circles and it is grueling. The shame, the guilty, the sensation of failure that it generates, in my case, does not really help me to go straight back to the road: it sends me back to the waitresses that know me by my name, and the endless pints and madness.

I tried counting and it was even worst. In fact, i once did count like if i was in prison. Absolutely insane! from the start i was convinced as if this was a confinement, something bad, that being sober was the same as doing time. Of course it worked as well as playing pool with a garden house.

I will try to remember the date, otherwise, f*ck me. Same pressure as when dating and you need to remember when the hell is the anniversary. when we first kissed? when you got sick and i hugged you? when we got in the sack?

Forget it, we love each other, today.

flutter

Congrats, H. I don't count either, but I also believe in solid sober time. My counselor actually told me it was counterproductive to count days, as it's a constant reminder of how far away my last drink was, and has nothing to do with how close that next drink actually COULD be. I haven't had a drink since 12/18, however many days that is. Way to go on a week! THat's the hardest part for a lot of people! As for time.. I just don't drink anymore, ever.

AlkalikeH

Sorry Nicki! I have this "cry wolf syndrome" that i can get round it!

It is pretty huge - i have plans to make it monumental!

Best i did was this last January, 21 days, for the wrong reasons.

Right now, even one day sober for the right ones is worth a lifetime.

Thanks thanks thanks! Much love and support your way too!

shorty51

Well done on one week H. Keep on going! im just a little behind you!