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Old 03-03-2009, 12:29 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver
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My boss is being a nightmare...

I've got 2 months sobriety (yay!!) but wanted to ask if anyone else has had troubles at work, and how they go about announcing if at all, their sobriety. It can be a tricky situation as I think the word "alcoholic" could stay with you (and your unspoken CV) alot longer than one thinks.

I've told my boss I've quit drinking for 6-12 months to "clean out" and he has been the most difficult person in my life so far, for handling the news. He's a big drinker but doesn't seem to have the same problems as me (ie. he can handle his drink, I think). Every Monday he asks me if I drank on the weekend; I say no and he guffaws and shakes his head. I was at drinks (drinking water) on Friday and he asked me a rhetorical question about if Dom Perignon was in front of me what would I do? Then he guffaws again, like I've got 2 heads! We are starting not to chat as much or get along so well.

Of course I don't want to tell him I've got problems drinking (or stopping, rather) - he's my boss!! I've even told him that the most difficult part so far has been other people and then I mentioned he's been the worst. He stopped for a while after that but he's started up again.

Aside from this, he is hands down one of the nicest people I know, so I don't quite know how to handle this. Any suggestions?
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Were you guys drinking buddies before?... it feels like it might be based on his response. That or he also feels like he drinks too much & your recovery is uncomfortable.

If it is none if the above & he still mocks you then he is an ass so don't even give it a second thought, hehe.

During my last big drunk I managed to embarrass myself at a big company event & clean out the bar with my companies biggest client... unfortunately the owner didnt drink like his friends & I did... pretty embarrassing.

I really like my manager but I feel that my drinking, effects of drinking & second chances are running out. I know he knows if you know what I mean ;-)

Wish you the best :ghug2
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Old 03-03-2009, 02:05 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Nap. Good to see another aussie here!

congrats on staying off the alcohol.
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Old 03-03-2009, 04:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You're making him look at his own issues, so he's trying to make you think you're crazy. Remember, drunks don't have friends. They just have hostiges. And he wants you back in the fold.
I told people I wasn't drinking because I was on a diet. No one EVER said a word to me. That's apparently much easier for people to handle than the fact I have a drinking problem.
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Old 03-03-2009, 04:50 AM   #5 (permalink)

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there is a bool that may help. it is Boundries.

Boundaries Participant's GuideRevised: When To Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
your boss needs to respect your wishes.
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Old 03-03-2009, 05:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I have never and would never tell anyone I worked with, that I was an alcoholic.

It's just too personal for me to discuss something like that at work.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 03-03-2009, 04:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Next time he mentions booze say, "Ya know if you need to talk to someone about your problem, you can always come to me. Just between you, me, and a lamppost."

That will shut him up good.
"A flute is not a flute unless it has holes."
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Old 03-03-2009, 04:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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It definitely changed the way my co-workers looked at me at my last job site. And my boss took the liberty to tell everyone I was taking my leave to go to treatment....not for personal reasons. The b*****. Then when she left it was hush hush, and towards the end we all started to think some of the reasons she had mentioned just didn't seem to add up and were a bit over the top.

All in all, avoid sharing this stuff with people at all costs. I made the mistake of sharing too much about my personal life with my co-workers and it led to more awkward situations in the long run. And getting **** wasted when going out with my boss and coworkers and making an ass out of myself and doing stupid stuff, then directly affected how I was looked at at work as well. (something I always avoided, but it was bound to happen) I now keep my co-workers at arms length.....right now it is better for me to be that way. Others may differ.

To job is everything. My income, health insurance, entertainment.....without it, life would be quite difficult. I noticed the last job sites situation getting sour and got the hell out of there....but stayed with the company
"Never give up. You will never know how many people are really there that care and are pulling for you to come out of this on top." -MagicMan08

I am a good guy who just wants to live a sober, happy, stress free life.
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Old 03-03-2009, 05:20 PM   #9 (permalink)
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51anna is right. I would NEVER tell anyone I work with. I also learned to NEVER drink with coworkers. I never even go out with them. I try to stay at a comfortable distance and stay professional at all times. I have never had any luck getting too "chummy" with coworkers. It always comes back and bites you in the A**.
"A flute is not a flute unless it has holes."
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