Katie09

My friend's flight gets here in 3 hours. I can't even pick him up at the airport. This past week has been horrible. But you've all been here for me and without you I don't know what I would have done. I've thought of going to the hospital several times, but have been doing what I can to just keep it together. I feel like I am just at the breaking point, but it will be ok, right?

I haven't taken a shower since last Saturday. There is dog pooh everywhere (but it's little dog pooh, as if that makes it any better, right?) I KNOW I should just take a shower and pick up the pooh before he gets here, but part of me really doesn't care. I am wiped out. What I really need is a bottle of wine at this point. It's a mile to the store, and I don't even trust myself to drive that mile. And God, how embarrassing would it be to actually have to call a cab to go get some as I am such a freak about driving. And it's only 9:46 in the morning and most normal people don't think about going to get wine at this time. They are usually drinking coffee. This thing has absolutely, positively kicked my ass and I am so freaking alone here. That's what five years of drinking sitting in your house will do. The last time I was in a "tough spot," as I call it, I had to call the crisis line. They came out here and watched me drink a bottle of wine in my pajamas. Then they took me to the ER and sat with me until I was admitted. I spent eight hours in that room feeling like such a loser - while people with REAL emergencies were there. The only saving grace was it WAS New Years Day, so somehow it was more justifiable in my mind. Then they took me by ambulance to the detox place, while I paced the floor trying not to scream out for a valium.

Anyway, know I am a mess and I am trying to take some deep breaths until he gets here. I am so grateful he is willing to do this for me. And I am so grateful to all of you who continue to support me.

This a.m. I thought...am I really that bad? Do I really need rehab or am I just a wuss who needs a kick in the butt? I mean, I am online, so I can't be that bad. And I am contemplating even hitting the send button, but I really have very little pride at this point and just need to talk to someone. At any rate, I will go there to rehab, as I think I must be really that bad. Thank you SR for being here!

stone

Go to rehab Katie. Good luck with everything. You deserve a better life.

Toomutch

Katie - I am glad that your friend is coming to help you out and hopefully take you to rehab.
Maybe if you forced yourself to get up and take a shower or bath it might relax you a little.
I am sorry you are going through all that you are Katie. Keep us posted.

nickishine

Hey there, Katie Bear!!!

I related to the showering thing right off the bat! Isn't something how "self-hatred" will keep us from even takin' a shower???!! It's so unreal what and how this disease talks and deals with us!

As far as not feeling normal cuz you want the wine instead of the coffee.... You're thinkin' NORMAL thoughts for an alcoholic, Katie! This disease is going to tell you all kinds of things like "maybe you're not that bad"..."maybe you don't need rehab" and yada yada yada! That's what it does! It's CUNNING, BAFFLING & POWERFUL!!! I'm no expert on who is an alkie and who is an addict... HOWEVER, I tend to believe that you fall in the category of someone like me... and I AM an alcoholic who lived in isolation with the bottle these past few years as the progression - progressed!

Wait it out, Katie! Your friend will be there soon and right around the corner a brand new opportunity for life awaits you! This is a new start - and new chance! I think you're ready to grab hold of it! We're here for ya, Girl... all the way and will be here when you get out!!!!.... God willing!

Love to you young lady! xoxox

least

Go to rehab and let them help you help yourself.:ghug3

AlkalikeH

REHAB! Screams the crowd Katie!! GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!

Best of success and what a charming and beautiful phrase Stone said:

YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE!

!!!!!!!!

Freedom1990

Wishing you nothing but the best and a fresh start on life in rehab! :ghug

Fubarcdn

I am glad you are getting the help you need Katie. I am sure that the folks at the rehab center can give you the help you desperately need.
Good luck.

seemethrough

Hey Katie,
I would like to think that you aren't being "rescued" but instead are deciding to fight this because you know that you can't, won't and don't want to live like this anymore. Wishing you the best and hope that you get what you need and find what you are so desperately looking for. You can do this...you can!

TryingSoHard

Go, Katie. Go and get well. The thought that things really aren't that bad is your addiction trying to talk you out of kicking the habit. It wants to win - and it wants you to LOSE. You deserve better than that. Fight for yourself. Do this for yourself. I'm really glad your friend is showing up today.

Good luck to you.

littlefish

It sounds like you are ready for rehab. You are ultimately the only one who can make the decision if you need it or not. I hope you decide YES. It will start the ball rolling and give you the tools and support you need. Best of luck!

Amazonqueen522

Katie, I hope you feel better....I was sitting here reading your posting and thinking to myself I felt like she does awhile back...thanks for reminding me of how it could be again if I dont continue the process....

I'm going to go take a shower so that I can start my day..................:ghug3

Thank you,

good luck your SR friend,

Katie09

Thanks all. This is tough. One thing I didn't mention - he is one of us too. He was just drinking the other day and we've rescued each other in the past. I called the cops on him a couple of times in one of his episodes. If there is ONE thing I've learned, it's a major disaster to put two addicts together who are drinking or using. Given my mental state and how I want a drink, this could be tricky. IOW, I need to be strong and set some boundaries. I need him to realize that I need to get to rehab and the LAST thing I need is for us to drink together. Things will head even further south if that happens. Maybe I'll show him this thread and that will help.

ETA: I am going to try to get it together now and pick this place up. Thank you all and I think I won't go to the store.

nickishine

Katie Bear.........:praying:praying:praying FOR YOU TODAY!!!


:ghug3

James13

I have faith in you, Katie. You are not a wuss, you a person who is taking a courageous step in self growth. I am proud of you.

Much love.

Anna

Katie,

I'm pulling for you to get to rehab!

flutter

How would you answer that question if a friend of yours started out by saying what you did.

Go to rehab Katie.. and put every effort into being well. I hope you do!

mamabin

Katie you know what you need to do. Please don't let yourself or anyone else talk you out of it. Just get there and things will get better!

yeahgr8

Hoping you get to rehab!

KenL

Wonderful news Katie! Rehab is the best place for you now. Don't talk yourself out of it now. It's the best thing for you to do at this point in your life.