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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
New
Hi. I have finally decided that I can't keep doing the things I've been doing, and I didn't know where to turn, but thankfully I found these forums. I feel like I've been living a double life, presenting myself one way but then doing things secretly that I am ashamed of, like drinking. I can't do it any more, but I know I need support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Welcome idontknow! This is certainly the place to start. You should get a lot of help and support here.
Share as much as you can about yourself and you will find that there is always someone here who can relate or share their experiences with you. If you read a lot of the posts, you will see that sobriety is about so much more than just not drinking or whatever - it is about learning to be comfortable with ourselves as we are.
I wish you the best of luck.
DeepBlue
Share as much as you can about yourself and you will find that there is always someone here who can relate or share their experiences with you. If you read a lot of the posts, you will see that sobriety is about so much more than just not drinking or whatever - it is about learning to be comfortable with ourselves as we are.
I wish you the best of luck.
DeepBlue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
Thank you. Part of the problem is that I have felt so alone, no one to share these things with because I'm so ashamed that I have this problem. I live in a really small town and really don't want anyone to know. But I kept thinking if I could just find people to talk to who understood and wouldn't judge me, it would be a lot easier.
lunarlovelunar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 674
idontknow1, there is alot of support here. There are meetings every weekday evening if youre interested, they are chat meetings. There is of course the chat room, where some of is people who cant sleep hang out lol Glad to see you here
Peace
Jaclyn
Peace
Jaclyn
You certainly aren't alone here. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
I used to just be a social drinker, but somewhere along the way it turned into something more. I was in a nine year relationship with an alcoholic who did not drink during the day but drank himself to sleep every night. I never did that, but I know I started drinking more when I was with him. It ended because I knew I would never have the kind of life with him that I wanted - a family, that whole thing. Later I got in another relationship that I really thought was right, but there were a lot of issues there and I started drinking more heavily than I ever had before. I even discovered drinking during the day, which I did not do every day, but occasionally. After THAT one ended, I got into yet another relationship that I really, truly thought was the one. But unfortunately there were issues there too, and once again alcohol seemed to be the easiest way for me to deal with it. It ended last week - not because of my drinking, by the way. Ever since then, I just can't seem to stop. It is so painful and alcohol is the easiest way to make myself feel better. But I know it's not the answer.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Well - looks like you found the right place. This is a small town too - but the difference is we come from all over the world, and all have problems that we are dealing with. No one will judge you, so just relax and use the forum to explore those things that are bothering you. You will find it very worthwhile, and hopefully it will help you to make any changes that you want to make.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
I guess we have all used alcohol to try and escape our feelings. I have done this for years and only now am beginning to understand myself! I am only 6 days in to sobriety this time, but my mood is getting better already.
Sounds like you have had a lot of "relationship" issues on and off. Who knows, perhaps some time outside of a relationship will give you space to work on yourself? Have you stopped drinking yet, or just getting to the point where you want to?
Sounds like you have had a lot of "relationship" issues on and off. Who knows, perhaps some time outside of a relationship will give you space to work on yourself? Have you stopped drinking yet, or just getting to the point where you want to?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
Just getting to the point where I want to. I left work a little early today to drink. The person who just broke up with me works with me, too. He has been ignoring me all week but finally came in my office and talked to me today. Somehow that was worse than him ignoring me because at least then I could be mad at him. But when he talked to me, it just made me miss him.
I know the way I worded that about relationship issues probably makes things sound different than they really are. With the first one I mentioned, the problem was that the guy was still in love with his ex wife. After it ended, I found out from a lot of people who knew him that every one of his relationships ended the same way for that very reason. He would pick someone, act as if he were in love with her to get the ex's attention, then move on once that happened.
With the one that just ended, I don't even know what happened. I seem to end up with these tortured guys who I want to take care of. Guess I ought to worry more about taking care of myself.
I know the way I worded that about relationship issues probably makes things sound different than they really are. With the first one I mentioned, the problem was that the guy was still in love with his ex wife. After it ended, I found out from a lot of people who knew him that every one of his relationships ended the same way for that very reason. He would pick someone, act as if he were in love with her to get the ex's attention, then move on once that happened.
With the one that just ended, I don't even know what happened. I seem to end up with these tortured guys who I want to take care of. Guess I ought to worry more about taking care of myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: France
Posts: 783
Hi, I think you've found a place where you can talk, and not be alone. I understand how you feel about not wanting anyone to know, sometimes that's really tough to deal with. Just one thing I know for certain though, maybe it will help you since you say you've been drinking because alcohol is the easiest way to make yourself feel better, alcohol wont solve anything, it only makes things worse.
And a funny thing, alcohol never makes me feel better, sure I get a little high and happy usually, but I'm always mad at myself afterwards, and I feel worse for drinking, not better.
And a funny thing, alcohol never makes me feel better, sure I get a little high and happy usually, but I'm always mad at myself afterwards, and I feel worse for drinking, not better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
I know exactly what you mean, Californiapoppy. When I wake up in the morning after NOT drinking the night before, especially if I've exercised and eaten right too, I feel like a million bucks. On the other hand if I DO drink, I always wake up a little remorseful. I guess it's just that momentary happiness that keeps sucking me in.
I kept telling myself that if I could ever get my life to the point I wanted it to be, I wouldn't need to drink. But it's too self destructive to keep doing it.
I kept telling myself that if I could ever get my life to the point I wanted it to be, I wouldn't need to drink. But it's too self destructive to keep doing it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 7
So true.
What it usually comes down to for me is when I start to feel lonely and hopeless that I will ever find true love. That's when I start looking for the quick fix. But you're right, it never really works that way.
What it usually comes down to for me is when I start to feel lonely and hopeless that I will ever find true love. That's when I start looking for the quick fix. But you're right, it never really works that way.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR idontknow.
Everyone here has a drinking problem so there is nothing to be ashamed of.
What we have in common is that we are all trying to solve the problem in several different ways that are as unique as each one of us.
Stick around here and you will find your path to sobriety and self confidence and self sufficiency,
Good luck.
Everyone here has a drinking problem so there is nothing to be ashamed of.
What we have in common is that we are all trying to solve the problem in several different ways that are as unique as each one of us.
Stick around here and you will find your path to sobriety and self confidence and self sufficiency,
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family!:ghug3 All of us here have problems with addiction and we understand what you're feeling and going thru. You don't have to drink anymore if you don't want to. TAke it one day at a time. Just don't drink for today.
It does get better and you can do this!
It does get better and you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 179
idontknow, when you said "if I could ever get my life to the point I wanted it to be, I wouldn't need to drink." I so clearly see myself.
This is exactly where I find I need to work on myself, getting happy with where my life is now, accepting my life now for what it is, period.
If I think it has to be better, I get frustrated, especially after a really long day, and will drink to relieve the stress. So maybe that is the excuse I use to drink: I'm working so hard and it is not getting any better.
I am also very aware that I am over sensitive to people's criticism of me: Sure people can give you an idea of where you need improvement, but some people like to make it their job to point out your faults. Or they can make you feel like you are the one responsible for fixing things in their lives. Well, actually they can't make us feel like anything, right? We do that.
So I am learning to tread lightly when I am around those folks, and trying to refuse to let criticism disrupt my enjoying what is, which is my life today, sober.
I have 14 days sober: hope you hop onto this train with us.
Welcome!
This is exactly where I find I need to work on myself, getting happy with where my life is now, accepting my life now for what it is, period.
If I think it has to be better, I get frustrated, especially after a really long day, and will drink to relieve the stress. So maybe that is the excuse I use to drink: I'm working so hard and it is not getting any better.
I am also very aware that I am over sensitive to people's criticism of me: Sure people can give you an idea of where you need improvement, but some people like to make it their job to point out your faults. Or they can make you feel like you are the one responsible for fixing things in their lives. Well, actually they can't make us feel like anything, right? We do that.
So I am learning to tread lightly when I am around those folks, and trying to refuse to let criticism disrupt my enjoying what is, which is my life today, sober.
I have 14 days sober: hope you hop onto this train with us.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
This is what i did
Got hold of a counseller who dealt with alcohol issues, went for initial meeting and then referred to psychiatrist to prescribe antabuse which makes you sick if you drink alcohol. Went for 2 sessions a week with counseller. Did this in October 2008 and still going now. Came off antabuse mid Feb 09.
Got hold of a counseller who dealt with alcohol issues, went for initial meeting and then referred to psychiatrist to prescribe antabuse which makes you sick if you drink alcohol. Went for 2 sessions a week with counseller. Did this in October 2008 and still going now. Came off antabuse mid Feb 09.
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