Please send me strength !!!
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Please send me strength !!!
Tomorrow is one of the hardest and most emotional for me. My son would be turning 8 years old on 2/26 and I miss him soooo much!!! 6/21 he died of cardiomyopathy and "silent" pneumonia. There was no sign or indication and it was a complete shock to find him gone.
My older son came into my bedroom to kiss Noah and me good-bye as he and my daughter were off to school -- the 2nd to the last day of school that year and my day off. He bent down, kissed Noah -- I was 1/2 asleep -- and said "Mom, Noah looks green"! I jumped up, grabbed my lifeless baby and tried to give him CPR while the kids called 911. He was gone. There was no life and he'd already started turning cold.
For days after that, I'd go to the morgue and hold him for hours. He smelled of phamalderite and was frozen, but it didn't matter. My grief was so much I didn't care... just wanted to be as close to him as I could for as long as I could. Now mind you, I was using and drinking to cope and it did accellerate my pain, but that didn't matter... and didn't for a long time after that.
Today is 1 week sober for me. I will honor his life today, and tomorrow will go to class in the a.m., GET a massage after, get with my sponsor and let off 8 helium balloon with notes written on them and let them go towards heaven. I will see my other 2 kids and go to a meeting. I may not be back on here tomorrow so wanted to get this out to ya all today!
Please keep me in your prayers and hearts is all I can ask! Love to all of you who have truly supported me through this -- and all the other stuff too!
Love and hugs! Nicki
:praying:praying:praying:praying:praying:ghug
My older son came into my bedroom to kiss Noah and me good-bye as he and my daughter were off to school -- the 2nd to the last day of school that year and my day off. He bent down, kissed Noah -- I was 1/2 asleep -- and said "Mom, Noah looks green"! I jumped up, grabbed my lifeless baby and tried to give him CPR while the kids called 911. He was gone. There was no life and he'd already started turning cold.
For days after that, I'd go to the morgue and hold him for hours. He smelled of phamalderite and was frozen, but it didn't matter. My grief was so much I didn't care... just wanted to be as close to him as I could for as long as I could. Now mind you, I was using and drinking to cope and it did accellerate my pain, but that didn't matter... and didn't for a long time after that.
Today is 1 week sober for me. I will honor his life today, and tomorrow will go to class in the a.m., GET a massage after, get with my sponsor and let off 8 helium balloon with notes written on them and let them go towards heaven. I will see my other 2 kids and go to a meeting. I may not be back on here tomorrow so wanted to get this out to ya all today!
Please keep me in your prayers and hearts is all I can ask! Love to all of you who have truly supported me through this -- and all the other stuff too!
Love and hugs! Nicki
:praying:praying:praying:praying:praying:ghug
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Nickie,
what would your son want you to do? Would he want you drinking or, sober?
I know how you hurt right now. Be thankful for the time you had together. Remember, the time here on Earth is just a blink of the eye in God's time . Heaven is forever and that's where you'll meet up again
hugs
Chris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHOBnsS7yZk
what would your son want you to do? Would he want you drinking or, sober?
I know how you hurt right now. Be thankful for the time you had together. Remember, the time here on Earth is just a blink of the eye in God's time . Heaven is forever and that's where you'll meet up again
hugs
Chris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHOBnsS7yZk
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Nicki, we're all praying for you and thinking of you. Keep busy as you can to make it through the day. I can't even imagine how difficult this is for you, but all of us here love ya and will be praying for and thinking of you. Please stay strong and congratulations on one week! 
You're doing great and plenty of people here who care and are behind you 100%.
Wes
You're doing great and plenty of people here who care and are behind you 100%.Wes
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
I truly love you guys! Thank you sooo much!
I need to leave for a while (have 2 massages to give) and I'll be back in a few hours and check back in!
I'm depressed, but know like ZING said, I'll be with him again!
Thank you so, so very much!
I need to leave for a while (have 2 massages to give) and I'll be back in a few hours and check back in!
I'm depressed, but know like ZING said, I'll be with him again!
Thank you so, so very much!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
I never would have been able to say this in my past life, but I hope you would consider asking your Higher Power to be with you in the moment you are in RIGHT NOW, and comfort you.......if this is foreign to you, I can relate.
Thomas
I never would have been able to say this in my past life, but I hope you would consider asking your Higher Power to be with you in the moment you are in RIGHT NOW, and comfort you.......if this is foreign to you, I can relate.
Thomas
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Nicki - thank you for putting this on a thread and letting us come together to love you and your family and support you at this difficult time - it is a pain few can really understand but we can hold you and your family in your hearts. Congratulations on the week sober and wishing you the strength and grace to hold on to that sobriety - it sounds like you really want that. :ghug
KB
KB
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