feelinglikecrap

To niki: I am bawling just reading your post. I can't stop crying. I could not imagine what you are going through. I have a son that turned 7 February 7th this year and I thought I had problems going through this opiate recovery but you have showed that it could be worse than just getting over opiates. I will pray for you and your family.

CarolD

Prayers coming your way....

lifeinchaos

Nikki

What a glorious way to cherish his memory.

You seem like such a strong and loving person.

I will be praying for you and your family.

Horselover

I have no words for this tragedy. I will most certainly pray for strength for you though Nickki. God bless you!

nickishine

Thanks to you all for your love, care, prayers and support!!!

Feeling uplifted after reading so much love shared from you all!

I DO want sobriety and will stay sober TODAY for me, for him, for the love that is all around me! Booze would destroy the comfort I have in my pain!!!

Thank you....!!! I'm off to meet up with my sponsor, then anotehr massage. I will be back in a couple hours to see how YOU all are doing today!

Please remember that I care deeply about you all and especially those I've become very close to.... !

DeepBlue

nickishine - you are surrounded by prayers and good wishes as you mark this very special day. Please add mine to the list as you remember your son. He is a part of you forever.

DB

Gypsy Feet

No one should ever have to go through that, my heart aches for you.

LaDita

Love, warm thoughts and prayers headed your way.

:ghug3

eeerooo

I know how horrible it must be. I am really sorry you are going through this.
Love E

nickishine

Hello to you all!

What sweet, kind words you all have posted for me!!! I am truly gracious and am blessed beyond words right now!

This is the beginning of many sweet birthday memories I will have of 'lil Noah thanks to all of you and what I have in my life today! Sobriety has openned soooo many doors that were tightly closed because of my isolation and love affair with the bottle! I had a wonderful day through the pain today.... sounds oddly crazy -- but true nonetheless.

My son, who was MIA recently has been in touch. We saw eachother yesterday and my 6'2, 20 y/o boy cried in my arms about the pain he's going through "SOBER"!!!... I assumed he had been using... my bad! I could be there for him and am so utterly blessed that I CAN BE TODAY!!! Just a bit ago he called to let me know how much he loves me and just wanted to talk for a bit... and thank me for being his mama!!! I'm in tears... I love him so much!

I asked him if he wanted to go with me tomorrow to fly balloons in reverence to Noah, and without hesitation he said "Yes, of course mama I'll be there with you"....

Is there a way I can count my blessings today???? There are sooo many that go to the heart of my heart!.. and I am overwhelmed with all this love and gratitude!!!! It's so foreign yet familiar at the same time...

Thank you again, friends... and I do consider you as such!!! Tomorrow night I will check in with you all and let ya know how my day went, K?

My hearts full--thank you!!!

lifeinchaos

Nicki,

I get goosebumps hearing you talk about your children. Your love for them pours out of

every word you speak. I am so glad you and your older son have reconnected in time to

be there for each other on this difficult day. You should be very proud of your son AND

YOURSELF!

Angelic17

:praying Nicki, your post is very close to my heart. My son's Birthday is 2/26/81. He is now in Calvary House, a Christian Program in South Florida, trying to get clean from drug addiction. He is my only child and my pride and joy. He turns 28 tomorrow. This is the fifth attempt for him to get straight. To be honest with you I would rather see my son in heaven with your little boy than out using crack and heroin. I know that sounds awful, but I have suffered so much watching my boy destroy himself with drugs. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your child. Being a mother myself I truly understand your grief and pain. Losing your son is losing a piece of yourself. You never recover from that. I know what my son's addiction has done to me, and that's because of the fear of losing him to death. Sometimes, death is not the worst thing. Living an addicted soul is the worst thing. In your case your son was just an innocent child. God called him for a reason. How awful for you. No Drug or Drink can ever heal or medicate that pain. So don't bother with drugs and alcohol. That will only make things worse for your other kids who are missing him too. Only GOD can comfort you. I really feel for you. If it helps in anyway, I will not get to see my son and spend his birthday with him tomorrow either. If you ever want to talk I am a caring and compassionate mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. GOD BLESS AND HEAL YOU. Angel

nickishine

Angel,

First, THANK YOU!!!

I understand what you mean when you say you'd rather him be in heaven than live a drug-addicted life that takes him to places akin to hell!!! I do! When my son died, my daughter (now almost 22) ran away all the time, was on meth and has the same heart condition my son died of. She didn't have her meds and I was scared sh**less constantly! My only comfort was when she was in Juvenile Hall cuz I knew there she couldn't do drugs and would be on her medication and get some counselling she so desperately needed! I truly thought I'd be turning around and burying another child!!! My fear was unbelievable -- I thought I'd go insane! She is now a thriving young "party" gal (not in excess), and lives life to the fullest! She's happy and truly loves life.

I will pray for your son, Angel! He's in a fantastic place right now... Pray to God that HE does a miracle in him... You know, that's HIS business -- HE'S a miracle worker! My prayers and thoughts go out to you tomorrow too! Thank you so much, my new friend!

:ghug3

C23

Nicki, you are one of my best friends on the board and I will pray for you tonight and tomorrow. I cannot imagine what you are going through and all I can do is send my prayers out to you and your family. You will be constantly in my thoughts. Love ya.

Chris

nickishine

Chris,

I know God has heard your prayers... I feel the love in my heart! You are a wonderful person who I cherish! Thank you, my dear dear friend! I'll check in early tomorrow morning before the day unfolds in the way it's supposed to. YOU take good care of YOU tomorrow and know that I hold YOU close to me always! xoxxo

:ghug3

NewBeginning010

We are all here with you NS Just know your son is looking down on you & will be there waiting for you to be together again. Take Care :ghug

jsml1234

I pray that you find comfort and peace in the Lord and that He will camp His Angels around you and your family during this time of need.

ADayAtATime

I am soo sorry that you and your family had to go through something like this.
I'm thinking about you.
God Bless you sweetie!
Here's a great big hug for you
XOXO

nickishine

To all of you.... I'm going to fall into a "hopeful" peaceful sleep right now! I have soo many prayers and comfort that have been sent to me... and I feel it...Thank YOU!

I'll check in early, then off to a very emotional day... which is okay! I'm going to honor not only Noah, but my sadness -- SOBER!

Peace be with you all tonight and always.... xoxox :ghug

Emily2002

Thinking of you today, Nicki...

As you face this day with a heavy heart, I pray that you gain strength from knowing God gave you the gift of loving your son for those 7+ precious years.

Although grieving, try to remember that your life is better because you had him, and his life was undoubtedly richer because of you.

((((Nicki))))