I am done!!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Originally Posted by chiynita 
My hair is one big matted mess. The inside of my mouth is full of sores from smoking. I look in the mirror and dont even recognize myself. Havent brushed my teeth or showered in 8 days. My fingers are all tore up and bloody from picking them. My lips are cracked and bleeding from being so chapped. A guy was stabbed and killed right where I was the other night. The cops have been watching me. I am one move away from death or jail. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I keep slipping in and out of conscienceness. I keep waking up talking to myself. My body is twitching. I am tore up like never before. My heart was pounding out of my chest the other night. I couldnt get it to slow down for anything. I thouhgt it was going to stop. Couldnt breathe. **** is so dirty and evil. My head itches. My eyes are on fire. I feel like I have a really bad sunburn all around my eyes. I need to rest right now.
You hit it Trish. Its the bottom and now you KNOW with your entire being where you must go from here. You CAN certainly do this. Beat the rat down where he should be. You can rise up like the Phoenix. No more trips for you darlin. Do it today! I am feeling so grateful you are alive today. Already saying my thanks!
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Trish..
I am just so grateful you ARE here.
That you came back. That took courage. A lot of it.
I know what you meant..about not feeling welcome..you meant that about yourself.
When we relapse..we ALWAYS beat the daylights out oursleves.
Only those of us who were chronic relapsers know..
I was one. I know.
I also know you have a right a right to be here, just like you have a right
..your special place named "Trish" in the universe. in sobriety, you come
to cherish this.
And see what we do.
Please, please follow through with rehab hun.
Hugs..hugs..hugs.
I am just so grateful you ARE here.
That you came back. That took courage. A lot of it.
I know what you meant..about not feeling welcome..you meant that about yourself.
When we relapse..we ALWAYS beat the daylights out oursleves.
Only those of us who were chronic relapsers know..
I was one. I know.
I also know you have a right a right to be here, just like you have a right
..your special place named "Trish" in the universe. in sobriety, you come
to cherish this.
And see what we do.
Please, please follow through with rehab hun.
Hugs..hugs..hugs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
I'm so incredibly glad to see you made it back here after your week long binge --even moreso to read that you've picked yourself up and plan to begin again.
Take advantage of rehab, Trish. Focus on getting stronger, more independent. You deserve every good thing that comes your way.
Thinking of and praying for you,
Liz
Take advantage of rehab, Trish. Focus on getting stronger, more independent. You deserve every good thing that comes your way.
Thinking of and praying for you,
Liz
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Trish I am glad you got back. There is no Magic to recovery its just puting down the gear and then facing oursleves and life just as it is and accepting that.
For me the drugs was my answer to my problem which is me. I could not do this alone and am so fortunate to be part of teh fellowship of NA and SR and to live as spititual a life as best I can, whilie I heal one day at a time.
Kevin
For me the drugs was my answer to my problem which is me. I could not do this alone and am so fortunate to be part of teh fellowship of NA and SR and to live as spititual a life as best I can, whilie I heal one day at a time.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Chiynita,
You are not a loser. Please, go to the inpatient rehab and then onto Sober Living. As you can see from all the previous posts, you are loved, you are valued and you have lots of support here.
Inpatient rehab made all the difference in the world for me. It gave me a chance to begin healing. Make the commitment to stay the entire course. It might be hard but it seems you are ready for it. I know you can do it. Please keep us updated.
Much love to you.
Lenina
You are not a loser. Please, go to the inpatient rehab and then onto Sober Living. As you can see from all the previous posts, you are loved, you are valued and you have lots of support here.
Inpatient rehab made all the difference in the world for me. It gave me a chance to begin healing. Make the commitment to stay the entire course. It might be hard but it seems you are ready for it. I know you can do it. Please keep us updated.
Much love to you.
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 602
Originally Posted by Fubarcdn
I am sorry to hear this chiynita. When I first came here you were one of the first ones to reach out to me and I was so appreciative for the hand up you lent me.You can do it again. Keep the faith.
Hang in there...We "really" care about you.
Thank you for coming in here and sharing with us.
We're here for "you"
XOXO
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
trish, in a couple of weeks, will be 3 years passing of my trish...
as i've told you before, many similarities between you and her...
she told me a long time ago, pattee, please dont ever tell me what i want to hear, just what i need to hear...
trish, are you convinced yet your way just is not working?
i will always be available for you...
and dont give up trying...
trish was 28 years of trying, and 30 rehabs on the dot!
we pray it doesnt take you that long, because as time goes on, its a paradox, it can be easier, or almost, to just impossible...
i love you trish...
as you've been on my recovery road for quite some time...
rz
as i've told you before, many similarities between you and her...
she told me a long time ago, pattee, please dont ever tell me what i want to hear, just what i need to hear...
trish, are you convinced yet your way just is not working?
i will always be available for you...
and dont give up trying...
trish was 28 years of trying, and 30 rehabs on the dot!
we pray it doesnt take you that long, because as time goes on, its a paradox, it can be easier, or almost, to just impossible...
i love you trish...
as you've been on my recovery road for quite some time...
rz
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Checking in on you, Trish, before leaving for work... Please touch base so we know you're ok. Didn't like the "slipping in and out of consciousness" part of your last post. Also want to remind you that you're worth every ounce of resolve you can muster...
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am as good as I am goin to get for right now. Thats lipping in and out of..Dont make me spell it again. Is what happens when your awake for 6 or 7 days and finally get some sleep. You kinda come to and pass back out for a couple days. At least I do.
I am not goin to worry anyone anymore here. I am ok. I will be back when I am ready to go to treatment. Until then. I dont think I am quite done yet. Pretty F***in sick..I know. Sorry.
I am not goin to worry anyone anymore here. I am ok. I will be back when I am ready to go to treatment. Until then. I dont think I am quite done yet. Pretty F***in sick..I know. Sorry.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
The doctors told me (the last time) "the next drink might kill you"...I tried it, on
and off for a year..it almost did.
Now..I believe it would.
This isn't about me.
It's just that..I hope you aren't using.
Don't give up trying.
Love you Trish
and off for a year..it almost did.
Now..I believe it would.
This isn't about me.
It's just that..I hope you aren't using.
Don't give up trying.
Love you Trish
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I can relate chiynita....
hopefully you will make it to treatment...and hopefully you will have a new relationship with your father, and your heart will be warmed and you will bring your love to the world./
you sent me your love on this forum, as with many others. You listened to me and commented and i was encouraged and helped by you. i've thanked you before and thanks again.
i have no judgment. i feel your pain. You can do it again and you will. you are a wonderful person and i'm thankful for knowing you
hopefully you will make it to treatment...and hopefully you will have a new relationship with your father, and your heart will be warmed and you will bring your love to the world./
you sent me your love on this forum, as with many others. You listened to me and commented and i was encouraged and helped by you. i've thanked you before and thanks again.
i have no judgment. i feel your pain. You can do it again and you will. you are a wonderful person and i'm thankful for knowing you
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
trish just caught up on all that has been happening with ya. i havent been on SR for a few days.
I hope you will get to read this and havent left the site until treatmet or after you complete treatment. That last hurrah run is NEVER what it seems. we both know this. It only makes recovery a bit more harder. re-think it trish.....your strong and smart..your worth more than the life you are living at the moment.
much love ~~ scott
I hope you will get to read this and havent left the site until treatmet or after you complete treatment. That last hurrah run is NEVER what it seems. we both know this. It only makes recovery a bit more harder. re-think it trish.....your strong and smart..your worth more than the life you are living at the moment.
much love ~~ scott
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