the families sacrifice? need advice
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: nashville, tn
Posts: 8
the families sacrifice? need advice
I recently started the AA program about 3.5 months ago. My boyfriend is not an alcoholic and has the ability to drink socially.
I have not asked him to refrain from drinking around me or using drugs around me. I have said that I am not going to be partaking in recreational drug use anymore because I want my sobriety to be complete and not half hearted. (I didn’t have a problem with drugs, just alcohol but I feel like if I still do drugs then alcohol will surly follow)
He says that he feels like that is just one more thing he has to sacrifice for the relationship.
I told him that that was his choice to do them or not, I just would not be participating with him.
He also started going to al anon meetings of his own accord without prompting by me and now that is something he is doing “for me” and “he should not have to do it”.
Keep in mind I have not ask him to do any of those things he has done them on his own.
Also he comes from a family very much affect by alcoholism long before he ever met me.
Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
I have not asked him to refrain from drinking around me or using drugs around me. I have said that I am not going to be partaking in recreational drug use anymore because I want my sobriety to be complete and not half hearted. (I didn’t have a problem with drugs, just alcohol but I feel like if I still do drugs then alcohol will surly follow)
He says that he feels like that is just one more thing he has to sacrifice for the relationship.
I told him that that was his choice to do them or not, I just would not be participating with him.
He also started going to al anon meetings of his own accord without prompting by me and now that is something he is doing “for me” and “he should not have to do it”.
Keep in mind I have not ask him to do any of those things he has done them on his own.
Also he comes from a family very much affect by alcoholism long before he ever met me.
Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by lander 
I recently started the AA program about 3.5 months ago. My boyfriend is not an alcoholic and has the ability to drink socially.
I have not asked him to refrain from drinking around me or using drugs around me. I have said that I am not going to be partaking in recreational drug use anymore because I want my sobriety to be complete and not half hearted. (I didn’t have a problem with drugs, just alcohol but I feel like if I still do drugs then alcohol will surly follow)
He says that he feels like that is just one more thing he has to sacrifice for the relationship.
I told him that that was his choice to do them or not, I just would not be participating with him.
He also started going to al anon meetings of his own accord without prompting by me and now that is something he is doing “for me” and “he should not have to do it”.
Keep in mind I have not ask him to do any of those things he has done them on his own.
Also he comes from a family very much affect by alcoholism long before he ever met me.
Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
I have not asked him to refrain from drinking around me or using drugs around me. I have said that I am not going to be partaking in recreational drug use anymore because I want my sobriety to be complete and not half hearted. (I didn’t have a problem with drugs, just alcohol but I feel like if I still do drugs then alcohol will surly follow)
He says that he feels like that is just one more thing he has to sacrifice for the relationship.
I told him that that was his choice to do them or not, I just would not be participating with him.
He also started going to al anon meetings of his own accord without prompting by me and now that is something he is doing “for me” and “he should not have to do it”.
Keep in mind I have not ask him to do any of those things he has done them on his own.
Also he comes from a family very much affect by alcoholism long before he ever met me.
Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
My take on the alcoholism thing is that it is genetic, so if your bf comes from a family with a history of alcoholism.....
Myself, I couldn't be involved with someone that used or drank, my picker doesn't work quite right and I would more than likely be choosing a partner that has the same problem I do. And most suggest that to maintain your sobriety you have to change just about everything in your life, if it isn't enhancing or supporting your sobriety it's probably undermining it. In any event, keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Yes, your sobriety comes first and if he is now feeling 'put upon' for his AlAnon mtgs then he's trying to make you feel guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty, especially if the alanon meetings were his choice to attend.
Welcome!:ghug3
Welcome!:ghug3
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