sfgirl

Hey, I hope you are feeling better and having fun with your guests. There is just a couple things that I was thinking when I read through your posts. It may just be something that I saw because it is something that I have personally struggled with and may not affect you at all but because you did end up drinking right before your houseguests it may give you something to think about. So here goes: I hate houseguests, I always have. I actually have a lot more space than a lot of my friends, an extra empty bedroom in my house, but a long time ago learned that when I had houseguests it agitated me because it put me on their time schedule. I had to entertain them, etc. So now the extra bedroom is a study. I took the bed out and I make stuff up when people seem to hint wanting to stay at my house unless they are really, really good friends and I want them. I don't have guests just to be nice, because I have the space or because I think I should anymore and I am much happier because of it. You have a huge house, this however, does not mean you run a hotel or should or have to, you can tell people no.

When I read the posting above that you quoted I just felt like you felt that you had to do so much for your friends. Where is the reciprocation? I am not saying they are bad people, not at all, but it just seems like you are feeling like you have to help them, train with them, clean the whole house for them. It is all going in one direction. Nowhere do you say that you are excited for them to come, to see them and that makes me sad. Where are you in this equation?????

For me part of my recovery/sobriety is putting myself first and creating good boundaries. It is just something that you might want to look at in this situation. Again, I am just speaking from my own experience and don't know the whole story. I just wanted to share in case it would help.

The last thing I want to say is about the pretty sober part. I think I remember you writing somewhere else that you had been 95% sober over the last year which is really impressive. I think that probably means that you end up drinking every once and a while. I do think, however, and really here I would like to defer to people with more knowledge who have been sober longer than me, that to choose to be completely 100% sober makes all the difference in the world in terms of your recovery— much more than just 5%. I don't really understand why or how, I just feel like if I still had alcohol in my life even a tad I wouldn't have been able to mourn it as much which has been healing, to really fight the cravings, and to really fight the tough feelings...

flutter

I might be wrong, but someone might have thought of it as a potential joke with Nicki sayin you were cracking her up? Sorry just read all this.. dunno. I hope you do feel better. Pretty sober = not sober, for a lot of us, myself included.. I've been sober or I haven't, maybe that's why the clarification was asked?

lovinmenow

what.... now I need to define pretty sober? It means that I out of 365 days I drank 5 of those days. Does that make everyone happy now? Crap.

Dee74

I think the undercurrent here is that most of us have been 'pretty sober' at one time or another...but looking back? the only percentage that counts is 100%, lovinmenow.

That doesn't mean no-ones supporting you - we all want you to be well - totally well. 100% well. Especially considering you're an athlete. You know that anything less than 100% needs work.

I don't believe in getting there gradually - I tried that, disastrously, for 15 years.
What are your plans for getting totally sober?

We really are here to help

D

lovinmenow

Thanks Phal, I am so hurt right now. crying and gonna go to bed. I feel pretty crappy that I have tried so hard to help fellow board members. Hours and hours of online support and now I feel so left out. This really sucks. The pedal is to the medal and the car aint' movin. Gee sorry if 95% is not acceptable to you guys. May be I need to be 100% to get a few words or support. This sucks.

coffeenut

I simply didn't know what the term meant.

No harm was intended.

Theresa

Lovinmeknow: Keep coming back. You have had a hard few days but things will get better and you offer many here needed support and advice.

This thread was really good for me, which I know is selfish. But this last year I have really worked at quitting drinking--but since I kept drinking from time to time, I realize that I was really working on cutting back, not quitting. I NEED someone who knows about alcoholism to tell it to me straight, because heaven knows no that I know will do so because they all drink.

I am slowly learning that I am not drinking or I am drinking. I might not be drunk whenever I drink, but I know darn well when I start up drinking, it increases until I drink too much and get sick or blackout.

So if you will, let me claim the question "what does pretty sober mean to you" as the question I was needing from this forum tonight.

nickishine

Lovinme...

I pray when you read this YOU KNOW that I (and so many others) truly care about you!!! I don't judge you! YOU know that based on our PM's! I AM THERE to support you through whatever you need! These boards open us up to soooo many opinions -- some appreciated and wanted and some not.... somethings we don't WANT to hear and somethings we NEED to hear. That's my experience anyway....!

Honey, I care about you so much! You've been terrific support and comfort to me on my journey and I'll be there for you too! YOU'RE NOT ALONE and some of us do really care and appreciate all you've been to us!

Now, what'cha gonna do to take care of YOU today??? I'm sending you hugs :ghug3and prayers for strength and encouragement today, tonight and tomorrow morning!

Please let me/us know how you're doing, K? You're post helped me by the way!! Thank you!

:praying:ghug3

serenityqueen

Please don't think anything I am about to say is said out of sarcasm, I've been accused lately of being harsh and uncaring. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be on SR, nor would I have bothered to hit the reply button.

The reason I was wondering what was up here is that I thought this was rather sad, someone trying so hard to make everything perfect that they lost sight of what was really important, you and your Recovery. I just couldn't understand where the "you're cracking me up" came into play. I do think that's what made some people question the thread.

All of my life, I have tried so hard to please everyone else, to make things look picture perfect, that I became more and more miserable, so I did what was natural to alcoholics/addicts, I used. I can so identify with those feelings.

And where you said mostly sober or however it was worded, it brought something to mind that I feel is very similar, I saw it the same way as if someone said they were kinda pregnant. . . either you are or you aren't. This is not to say that you are not welcome here. You are a very supportive part of SR and our family does want you here, ok? It's just that some people, including myself, feel that when someone says they have been sober for X amt of time, it means continuous sobriety, no slips here and there.

I hope you understand that I am trying to explain why I feel some people may have been pretty confused by the whole thread. I don't think anyone intentionally meant to hurt you. You have to admit though, when we drink, rational thinking does go out the window.

I will keep you in my Prayers and hope that you have a wonderful visit with your friends, filled with happiness and sobriety!

Judy

nickishine

CLARIFICATION..............................:

When Lovinme said that her friends were drinkin' the whole way there (or to that affect) and then corrected herself saying that they we're drivin'.... It made me laugh in an absurd sort of way because of how our fuzzy brain can work after "infected" so to speak. Just how she worded her post made me laugh, but not like HA HA and it's all no big deal what she's going through!!! Of course I care here and SHE knows it!

Lovinme, if it was because of what I said that created this chain reaction, forgive me! I think YOU know where I was coming from and NEVER meant to unravel such commotion here! Forgive me, friend!

MORE IMPORTANTLY...I pray you wake up feeling better and encouraged! When you read this, it's a new day! Please keep me posted on how you're doin', K?

:ghug3

NewBeginning010

Take care lovinmenow :ghug3 we are all here with you. :ghug2

yeahgr8

My comment was nothing to do with what Nicki posted. Most of us had a go at Katie09 for posting whilst trashed so why should this be any different. This is in a newcomers section and it is not ok to be sober 95% of the time and it is not ok to drink vodak whilst doing housework. It is not ok to drink and then to compensate by drinking lots of water.

Just a reminder we came here because our lives are going/have gone to ****. Alcohol is a poison to us and will ruin the rest of our lives, cause misery to us and everyone that is unfortunate to share our lives and will eventually either, if we are lucky, kill us straight out one night or, more likely, end with us spending an elongated and slow painful death.

Let's have a reality check here!

mtnmagic

Love - I really related to your initial post. I thought of myself, running around trying to make things perfect as I drank, then tried to be ok for whatever it was that I scheduled. I have screwed things up over and over again, just when it was important that I stayed sober. It is painful, it is awful, and a sure sign of the disease of alcoholism.

I am no expert. I am only about 13 hours sober. So take what I have to say and feel free to leave the rest. People here that care, will challenge you on your behavior. In my mind, you are very fortunate to get such a response.

I have relapsed so many times, I'm sure that people read my posts and think whatever, what a loser she is.

Really read the responses to your posts. They are there out of pure care and concern.

Oh, I hope to stay sober and get to know you better.

December15

This is a really interesting thread. Personally I find socialising very exhausting work. Infact it was the drink that made it doable and sometimes enjoyable, but overall I dreaded having people stay over or going to parties. Some people, extraverts I guess, just love being social butterflies. What I find particularly sad in this thread lovingmenow is the thought of drinking so much preparing for being a host, that you have to taper off so that you can be a host properly. I can understand needing to drink to do it though but i would rather cancel the event than break a period of sobriety to hold the event.
The other interesting theme is sport and alcohol. Im wondering how common this is - Ive read a few biographies about famous footballers that were alcoholics such as George Best. I can't understand how alcohol can be performance enhancing in this respect like other drugs that are tested for at the olympics.

bovinePieBear

Hey there lmn -

You really don't need to be angry about anything right now. If things are pissing you off, let them go, and feel the wonderful care and love that's coming your way. Hey, you know that all those prickly opinions and hard realities out there won't go away, they'll be waiting. Forget them for now.

You're a good, fine, strong person, with many people grateful to you for your care and support, and more than ready to return it to you now with interest. I hope you have a great day, a sober day, and get to the place of peace and confidence you deserve.

Iriss

I think 361 days sober is a fantastic achievement, it may not be have been continual sobriety but it sure beats 365 drinking... Well done x I hope you feel better soon, I have really enjoyed reading your past posts x Take care

flutter

I hope you're feeling better today, and ready to take this on again! If my comments hurt you in any way, that's never my intent. We're all a bit sensitive to things like this when they happen, and as much as we all want to be here FOR everyone else, sometimes we do a really crappy job at being our own number 1, and active drinking, regardless of the reason can trigger reactions in all of us that might come out all over the place. It's scary, it's sad, it's tempting, its a lot of things for a lot of us. So you screwed up, now you can decide what to do different now. Today is a new day, and I hope you find a way to make it stick this time!

PinkClouded

Sometimes being supported isn't always about people being nice. Strangers on the subway are nice and they don't care if you live or die.

Good Luck. You have been one of my fav posters.

californiapoppy

if I'm sober it's today
if I'm pretty sober, it doesnt really mean much...I'm a bit sober, I'm half sober, I'm not sober....
Sorry I'm sober or I'm not...but I'm trying hard !!! YES

sailorjohn

Well, no, we don't view it as a joke, at least I don't. Have seen people that had a lot of sobriety that went out and simply never came back. I view it as life or death. My uncle died on skid row, until he ended up there he never drank anything but beer. If I had to venture a guess, would say that a fair number of the respondents are operating under the common assumption that sobriety is simply that, no alcohol or mind altering substances, period. Pretty sober comes off like a little pregnant.