sfgirl

I went out to lunch with a friend last week who I hadn't seen in a while. I am coming up on five months sober and I feel like all I do is think recovery. I read about it all the time, think about it, want to start going to meeting (basically am doing it a little backwards...). I feel at times sort of obsessed with it. I am single and don't work so I have the luxury of being able to take the time right now to be really focused on myself and am definitely doing it. So back to lunch with my friend. She quit drinking a year ago last December. She just up and quit both smoking and drinking like that. I was like wait you didn't plan or have a horrible night or anything like that? And she was like, nope, I just stopped. And she continued to say that she didn't have any cravings really, that it was easy, not in a bragging way, more in a sort of way like it was no big deal. I know she did have a drinking problem though. I mean she used to come to lunch with me in the middle of her work day and finish a bottle of wine and drive off. I started telling her about the AA meeting I attended and it was strange I almost felt some embarrassment that I was sitting here only five months sober and here she was so much longer sober and for her it was like no big deal, never had been, and I feel like I am overthinking the whole thing. While I totally understand to each their own, I couldn't help but feeling slight envy but also a bit of, well maybe stopping drinking isn't such a big deal, and if it wasn't such a big deal in my head it would be easier. What if my attitude was more like hers? I mean she even contemplates briefly having some champagne at a wedding and then thinks probably not because it just makes it more difficult. Then my other part of my mind says to myself, because the other part of the equation is that she has this boyfriend who hates drinking and smokes a lot of pot which she has taken up, so I am like well she might be off the booze but she is not really in recovery. Then I start hating my judging voice. Really it could just be different strokes for different folks and as much as I would like to be less serious about this, I feel like I have grown so much in the last five months and that this is probably one of the more important journeys that I have ever been on. This lunch, however, was really the first time that it actually got rocked just a little.

It also made me think about my other friend who got sober about a year and a half ago and about four months in got a boyfriend. I cannot even imagine dealing with anyone other than myself right now. I wish I wasn't feeling this lame urge to compare myself to others in recovery but sometimes I wonder if I am too into it? If I am too serious about it? Or if I am doing it right???? (Of course there is no "right" but that doesn't stop me worrying)

So while generally I feel solid, this weekend I have just been feeling a little less so.

mle-sober

sfgirl,

Reading your post, I got almost half-way and kept thinking about my brother. And then got further in and laughed out loud because .... well, you'll see -

My brother who I love dearly has always been my idol. One of the things I loved about him was how he could keep up with me, drinking-wise. He'd come visit me and we'd just be so happy to see each other because the whole point of hanging out was drinking. And if I was visiting with someone else, they always had other things they wanted to do like see movies or talk or something.

So, obviously, my lovely brother is a hard-core alcoholic. (But not me... nooooo...) And everyone in the family never thought he would quit, ever ever ever. Well, finally, he reached bottom and decided to quit. He told me the story. Here's what he did: he sat in his favorite chair and he put one hand on one arm of the chair and the other hand on the other arm of the chair. And he refused to take his hands off the chair. He knew that if he did that, he would not be able to drink.

I'm serious. He did this. Or this is his story anyway. So he went to work and came home but the rest of the time he kept his hands on the chair.

And it was like a miracle to everyone in the family! OMG - Mark-the-hard-core-alcoholic quit drinking! And we were so, so happy and proud of him. And he acted like, well. I just used the chair method.

Years later, it becomes abundantly clear that what he really did was use the Marijuana Maintenance Method. Pot is now his life. He goes to work and he comes home and he sits in his chair and he smokes pot.

It's so easy to look at others' recovery and think they are doing it better or struggling less or more or whatever. The truth is, their recovery is really very hidden from you. The only person's recovery you really know is your own.

My husband (not an alcoholic) judges me pretty harshly for throwing myself into my recovery the way I have. Heck if I know why. He thinks it's unattractive or something? I don't know. All I know is that it's what I've had to do. For the first 6 months I breathed, ate, and slept recovery. I still am very focused everyday - read, write, come here. Go to multiple mtgs weekly. It's what I need.

Also alcoholism is progressive, according to many. And that was certainly my experience. If I'd quit 15 years ago, I could've maybe done it without the kind of contant vigil that I need now....

Don't tailor your recovery by someone else's. It sounds to me like you are doing a good job.

Anna

Sfgirl,

You're doing great!

And, it's probably good that you feel 'rocked' a bit. I find that whenever things in my life are shaken up, there is a lesson to learn. Observe your friend and look inward and see what you can learn from her and from this experience. Maybe, you do need a little bit more balance in your life and maybe it's time to think about spending time doing something you enjoy (not recovery related).

yeahgr8

You are doing great, you just had a weak moment that's all!

Swap being a **** head for a pot head, almost unbelievable!

Astro

I'm sure some people can just stop drinking, smoking, over-eating, etc. cold-turkey and be just fine. Nothing's impossible. But I'm not one of those people. I needed a program of recovery for my alcoholism. I stopped chewing tobacco before I sobered up, my drinking tripled during that time. So while I thought I was doing it cold-turkey I just cross-addicted to something else.

I've been sober for 4 years, and every day I wonder if "I'm too into it". Every morning I read a pile of meditation books, then I go to work and log onto SR when I have free time. Every afternoon I go to an AA meeting and do service work. For the last 3 years I've emptied the trash and restocked the bathrooms every day at my AA club, I chair meetings and serve on the Board Of Directors.

Sometimes I feel like I'm way too wrapped up in AA, but it's kept me sober, so why change? If it ain't broke don't fix it, right?

But I have to look at my life now and realize that I've changed very much. Don't be in too much of a hurry to get into a relationship. I tried after a year in recovery and the results were somewhat disastrous, but my second year sober I met someone who works an amazing program of recovery. We were engaged a few months ago, this week we'll be moving in together, and we support each other in everything that we do.

Just my opinion, there's no better way I could live than being in a recovery program and practicing the principles as I move through life. There's no right or wrong, there's only the will of my Higher Power. Each day unfolds like a gift, I have the choice of accepting it and going along with it. Or I can go back to my old ways and accept the consequences.

shaun00

hi ...thankyou for sharing that.......

Sounds to me. if you got 5 months sober then your doing all the right things.
None of us are the same....

I have a real good friend....the nicest guy you could ever meet...he is 7 years clean and sober from a horrendous class A and alcohol addiction.

Never done a meeting...but does alot for the less fortunate...

this guy will tell you and i remember...was a voilent thug.......all changed..

Me.......i cant stay sober without the twelve steps...god and AA.

i know that as fact cos ive tried every half measure and got drunk.

I think its normal and heathly to have a head full of recovery...it a great substitute for a head full of drinking.


Maybe your like me........i do my recovery most days like my drinking...

lots and often........bb reading ....praying.....sharing.....looking for a newcomer.

Give yourself a pat on the back........your doing great.

And youve found what works for YOU..........congratulations...... enjoy your freedom

mle-sober

Lovely. Beautifully put. Thanks, Astro.

least

Sounds like you're 'doing it right' to me. Stay sober for yourself, don't worry about anyone else.