DeepBlue

Hi - another newcomer here! Although I have tried and failed many times before. Had a few weeks alcohol free last year, then a couple of weeks after New Year, then a couple of days last week. But each time I go back to it, it builds up and usually ends with a binge. That's what happened last night, and why I am here today.

Reasons for constantly failing? Well it seems like I am a pretty weak person becuase everytime I get stressed or angry or upset, a bottle of wine seems to be the only way for me to deal with life. I can only hope that I am learning, but feeling pretty humbled at the moment. So it is Day One all over again.

This site is a glimmer of hope though, so hopefully I am going to stick around.

Taking5

Welcome deepblue. What are you going to do differently this time?

nelco

welcome:ghug3

readyforhelp

Glad you are here.

least

Welcome DeepBlue! I had the same problems of drinking to escape my feelings, my life. I had six months sober and relapsed, now am on day ten and learning better ways to handle my emotions so they don't lead me back to the wine bottle.

It may be a good idea to talk with your doctor about your desire to stop drinking. Be safe while you detox. Giving up drinking is possible, not easy, but worth the effort. My six months sober were the best months I've had in the last few years. Now I'm working to get them back cause I no longer want to be a slave to alcohol.

:ghug3

DeepBlue

Thanks guys - not sure how to make it different this time - but think I need to work more on me as a person rather than just on "not drinking". I have to work out why some people seem to be able to coast through difficulties whilst I just fold like a pack of cards! I'm hoping to learn from others on this site too.

DeepBlue

Thanks Least - to come back to sobriety after a fall is true strength, especially after 6 months. It must have been a horrendous feeling to relapse after so long, but you seem to be well on your way again, and that is a great message of hope for the rest of us. I'm not planning to see a doc as I haven't had any real withdrawal problems before - other than a bit of anxiety and not sleeping. But I'll keep an eye on myself

yeahgr8

Hi there

keep reading and posting. You need to get some sort of plan to succeed, either AA, alcohol counselor, SMART etc.

You are not weak you are an alcoholic, problem drinker, alcohol addict, whatever you prefer to call it btw!

4 and a half months sober and loving it, you can do it:-)

Horselover

Welcome Deepblue and don't be too hard on yourself. You must be learning that alcohol really doesn't do you in any favors in reducing the anger, stress or upset. I found it intensified the negativity I was feeling, but I too tried it to cure the problem over and over again. SR helped me find there were other ways to cure stress. Some do yoga, some will exercise through cardio type activities, some read books and some find solace in nature (that would be me). You WILL find your way Trueblue and you will discover that alcohol is not the way.

BTW - wine was my doc and I was a nightly drinker. I have found sobriety through this site and haven't touched it since May of 2008. I am approaching a year and you could knock me over with a feather. I NEVER in a 1000 years thought it would be possible. I rarely think about drinking anymore. I have found a lot of other things to occupy my time with. In other words, if I can do it you can do it!

DeepBlue

Thanks Horselover - how great it must be not to have to think about drinking! You are a great example that it can be done. I was interested in what you said about finding solace in nature. I have always been very connected with animals and love the natural world. I always feel at my happiest when I am out in an unspoilt landscape, and love dramatic weather. But I have been cut off from a lot of this due to an alcoholic haze. Perhaps you have given me a clue as to where I might look for some joy. Thanks again.

justalittleone

Welcome, Blue!

I, too, believe I have some personal issues to figure out and deal with, but I know that for me, staying sober will help me get to the point where I can deal with my insides honestly and constructively. So, for me, first: sober, second: why do I drink? (And I'm not gonna let myself give the answer "'Cause it feels good," because the way I drink, it doesn't.

DeepBlue

Lol! justalittleone - me too. I felt great last night for a while, but the way I was drinking has made me feel like death today. Which is always a useful feeling on Day 1. Think that answers to the bigger questions will have to come over time - and probably a very long time

Fubarcdn

Welcome Deepblue.
When I feel like drinking I come here and read and post until the craving passes. You can come on here and vent when you are annoyed and angry and people will gelp you calm yourself down. It works for me.

CarolD

Please cgeck out the link below...it's from the book that
convinced me to finally quit drinking...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Welcome to our recovery community

Anna

Hi DeepBlue,

Welcome!

Yes, addiction is very humbling indeed. But, there is lots of hope.

Keep reading and posting.

nickishine

DeepBlue, Thanks for posting and sharing this with us!

For 20 years I've been back and forth, up and down with quitting/failing - sobriety stints... the whole gammat. I, too, thought it's just because I'm a weak person... the reality FOR ME, is that 1. I'm an alcoholic, 2. I don't know how to "do life" and handle the emotions with it without drinking, 3. I haven't had the "tools" and/or support really engrained in my life to help me combat uneasiness in my life. I'm sure there are many more things that can be elaborated on, however.

For me, I CAN'T do sobriety on my own! I've got to have God and people in my life on a CONSTANT basis that can help me grow into a sober person. Just cuz I stopped drinking, doesn't make me "mature" and intuitively know how to deal with life. I've got to learn.

You are learning, DB. One day you'll NOT give-in when your emotions are spinning out of control when you want this bad enough and the pain is too much with continuing on with the addiction. Have in place strong, sober people in your life to help you through! You can do it! You will do it!

Glad you're here with us! You're right where you belong!

DeepBlue

More welcomes, and more thanks from me! I am beginning to feel very much not alone! Just in a few hours today this forum has helped me to start thinking about some big stuff. The link posted by Carol above was a good read, and lots of you - like nickishine -have taked about the need for other things and other people in their lives to help them along the way. I think that that is where I went wrong before - I stopped drinking but didn't change much else!

DeepBlue

So endeth Day 1 (well nearly). It's 10.30pm here and feeling quite uncomfortable - a few palpitations and some anxiety. But blood pressure OK. A few depressive type thoughts earlier this evening, but they come and go.

Have a feeling that there is a sleepless night ahead. Hope everyone else is doing just fine - am looking forward to getting through this first bit of withdrawal. And now for the cocoa!!