We deal with the insanity and pick up the pieces, right?
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
We deal with the insanity and pick up the pieces, right?
These are just some of my musings far too early in the morning. Thought I'd share.
I know we have our own stories, but the one thing that continues to be woven throughout seems to be misery when drinking (at least for me, most of the time).
I guess it's a matter of just dealing with what is, accepting it and finding a way to move on - without repeating the same mistakes hopefully or creating more wreckage.
I guess I am just thinking out loud here. I go through these periods of clear thinking and then I just lose it. I've always said it has a life of its own. I am starting to really believe my very good Dr. when he says I have bipolar disorder. I know I'm not the only one out there who deals with a psychiatric issue in addition to an alcohol issue.
At any rate, went to an AA meeting tonight. It was nice to go to bed sober. It's not so bad, I guess. I am now coming to accept I have to work with the resources that I have - not the resources I WISH I had.
So, I invite you all to share your thoughts on picking up the pieces, how you move forward, how you think and anything else you'd like to share, if anything
I know we have our own stories, but the one thing that continues to be woven throughout seems to be misery when drinking (at least for me, most of the time).
I guess it's a matter of just dealing with what is, accepting it and finding a way to move on - without repeating the same mistakes hopefully or creating more wreckage.
I guess I am just thinking out loud here. I go through these periods of clear thinking and then I just lose it. I've always said it has a life of its own. I am starting to really believe my very good Dr. when he says I have bipolar disorder. I know I'm not the only one out there who deals with a psychiatric issue in addition to an alcohol issue.
At any rate, went to an AA meeting tonight. It was nice to go to bed sober. It's not so bad, I guess. I am now coming to accept I have to work with the resources that I have - not the resources I WISH I had.
So, I invite you all to share your thoughts on picking up the pieces, how you move forward, how you think and anything else you'd like to share, if anything
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I'm in the same situation, kind of, as you katie. I have been on anti-depressants for the time i have had sober which is over 4 months now. I did a test and i was chronic on the depression chart and anxiety too! I don't know and they don't know yet if this is part of me or bought on by the drinking. I am going to counselling twice a week one for me and a group for the social anxiety. I think that it is so important to get help, like you are with your Doctor for the other problems that we have been trying to self medicate as well as doing our support program of choce which it completely down to the individual to choose.
It's a strange journey that's for sure and a lot of change/work is required but it is definitely worth it by comparison.
SR is a great place to share and, although we don't always agree, at the very least we are here to support each other and get better :ghug
It's a strange journey that's for sure and a lot of change/work is required but it is definitely worth it by comparison.
SR is a great place to share and, although we don't always agree, at the very least we are here to support each other and get better :ghug
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by yeahgr8 
I'm in the same situation, kind of, as you katie. I have been on anti-depressants for the time i have had sober which is over 4 months now. I did a test and i was chronic on the depression chart and anxiety too! I don't know and they don't know yet if this is part of me or bought on by the drinking. I am going to counselling twice a week one for me and a group for the social anxiety. I think that it is so important to get help, like you are with your Doctor for the other problems that we have been trying to self medicate as well as doing our support program of choce which it completely down to the individual to choose.
It's a strange journey that's for sure and a lot of change/work is required but it is definitely worth it by comparison.
SR is a great place to share and, although we don't always agree, at the very least we are here to support each other and get better :ghug
It's a strange journey that's for sure and a lot of change/work is required but it is definitely worth it by comparison.
SR is a great place to share and, although we don't always agree, at the very least we are here to support each other and get better :ghug
so how could anyone see things exactly the same? I know a lot of Drs. frown on putting someone on antidepressants when stopping drinking, but I think it's smart. No need for extra misery especially when so many people are just self medicating anyway. For me, I quit drinking long time ago with no medication. All of a sudden at six months sobriety I started having panic attacks. So who knows. I just think that after years of abuse it makes sense that neurotransmitters are all messed up. And medicine is here to HELP us. It is not like one would make an asthmatic go for a month without meds to really see if asthma is the problem (only said because I have it). 
Thanks.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
I've been having terrible urges to get drunk, even knowing how badly it would turn out. I'm having an internal dialogue about how good I felt when I had my six months sober. And that the only way to get that good feeling back is to stay sober, one day at a time.
I am also dual diagnosed with depression, bipolar, and anxiety, besides alcoholism. My meds work so much better when I"m sober, I keep telling myself. So I'm constantly reminding myself how much better life is when I'm sober. And that's how I pick up the pieces - by reminding myself of how much better it is to be sober.
:ghug3
I am also dual diagnosed with depression, bipolar, and anxiety, besides alcoholism. My meds work so much better when I"m sober, I keep telling myself. So I'm constantly reminding myself how much better life is when I'm sober. And that's how I pick up the pieces - by reminding myself of how much better it is to be sober.
:ghug3
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by least
I've been having terrible urges to get drunk, even knowing how badly it would turn out. I'm having an internal dialogue about how good I felt when I had my six months sober. And that the only way to get that good feeling back is to stay sober, one day at a time.
I am also dual diagnosed with depression, bipolar, and anxiety, besides alcoholism. My meds work so much better when I"m sober, I keep telling myself. So I'm constantly reminding myself how much better life is when I'm sober. And that's how I pick up the pieces - by reminding myself of how much better it is to be sober.
:ghug3
I am also dual diagnosed with depression, bipolar, and anxiety, besides alcoholism. My meds work so much better when I"m sober, I keep telling myself. So I'm constantly reminding myself how much better life is when I'm sober. And that's how I pick up the pieces - by reminding myself of how much better it is to be sober.
:ghug3
As he always tells me, alcohol is a potent depressant. I know this. We all know this. I think your idea is excellent! Keep reminding yourself the meds won't work if you drink and how much better you felt at six months!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Katie, you're right, I think many of wished we had more resources to work with when we start recovery. But, I guess if we had more resources, we wouldn't have gone off track and become addicts. I was painfully aware how lacking in resources I was. What really helped me, was recognizing that this recovery was my agenda and no one else's. My life works for me and that's what matters.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Originally Posted by Katie09
I am starting to really believe..........
I am now coming to accept.............
So, I invite you all to share your thoughts on picking up the pieces, how you move forward, how you think and anything else you'd like to share, if anything
I am now coming to accept.............
So, I invite you all to share your thoughts on picking up the pieces, how you move forward, how you think and anything else you'd like to share, if anything
How I moved forward was by leaving the past behind. All the resentments I had against my ex and what she did, all the justice I thought I ever deserved, all the memories of how alcohol made me feel warm and comforted even romantic at times, as sick as that sounds. I realized that I didn't need it to get along with others. In fact not drinking removed some barriers between me and society. I began to train myself to think that alcohol is a poison and not a panacea. I left all the blaming,self-pity and shame and guilt behind. Nothing worked but accepting that I have the disease and that it would never change, it would never go away. I didn't need some test to tell me I had it, I just accepted it one day and slowly it took hold in my brain.
I think the biggest thing I did though to move forward was to realize what my identity was at the time. I realized that I had been living as the guy whose wife left him for another woman, mired in self-pity with an actively alcoholic mind. Realizing that alone and changing it was one of the biggest milestones for me. I no longer think of myself that way. I'm not quite sure yet who I am now, the father to my kids I guess, and that's better than it was and it can only get better. Perhaps it'll help you to think of how you ID yourself now and then think of another identity for which to strive for.
I'm really proud of you Katie, to see this side of you begin to bloom.....the time is ripe.
All my hopes,
Ken
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm really proud of you Katie, to see this side of you begin to bloom.....the time is ripe.
Katie, I agree with Ken on the above statement he made. And I'm sending you a blooming rose to go along with what I see happening in your life. I have to be honest, when I first started reading your threads, I thought to myself, this woman is a mess, she needs some serious help. Then I realized, I too, was a mess and needed some serious help. I know at times the feedback we get, especially in early Recovery can seem mean and even at times like a personal attack. I hope you are beginning to see that that isn't the case. At least from me, it isn't.
I look back on all of my attempts at getting clean and working on Recovery and I realize that, for the most part, the things others said that really got me pissed, were the things I needed to hear. Funny how that works, isn't it. At the time, I was living very close to an AA Facility where Meetings were held at different times throughout the day and night. I went to two Meetings a day on average. There were a lot of oldtimers there, the ones who had the attitude that during the first six months in, newcomers needed to take the cotton out of their ears and put it in their mouths. And they would tell every newcomer this without any hesitation. In their way of thinking, a newcomer could bring up a topic, but no newcomer could comment or share on something that may have helped them though a difficult time. I thought this way BS, I still do for the most part. But even if someone has a week in, they do have valuable things to share.
So many of us are extremely sensitive early in our Recovery and I think that's to be expected. Look what's going on, we have stripped ourselves of our defense mechanisms and ways of coping, the alcohol and drugs. I know I personalized so many things people said in a Meeting that weren't even directed at me. I would be in the grocery and hear some women in line gossiping about how silly they think someone's hair looked. I'd be in tears by the time I got out to the car, I personalized it, ready to wear hats for the next several weeks to hide what I thought was MY silly looking hair.
I have been on an antidepressant for many years. When I was deep in my addiction, I never took them. But when I was in detox, I spoke to the addictionologist who was taking care of me and asked him about if he thought it would help for me to start back up on them. I haven't missed one dose since. I have heard many different statistics about what percentage of alcoholics/addicts suffer from either clinical depression, bi polar disorder or severe anxiety that requires medication. I'm not going to act like I remember the exact percentage, but all the articles I have read on this and in speaking with different professionals about it, the percent is very high.
I think most of us, when we stop drinking and drugging, when all of emotions are staring us right in the face, we realize what all we had been numbing for many years. It can be very overwhelming. I know I thought to myself, "here I am admitting I am an alcoholic and addict and now I'm finding out I have clinical depression, anxiety disorders and who knows what else may surface. Is it really worth it?"
And the answer is, you bet your sweet a$$ it is! I had (and have) to follow those simple words we sometimes think we will throw up if we hear one more time, One Day at A Time. It sounds so simple but at times, we tend to make it out as something so difficult.
Katie, you are beginning to blossom in your Recovery, just like the rose. Sure, as the song says, "Every rose has it's thorns. . " but now, with the tools I have learned in Recovery and continue to learn, I am able to deal with these thorns without being stuck by them and suffering pain.
God Bless and keep up the good work . . . One Day at A Time,
Judy
I look back on all of my attempts at getting clean and working on Recovery and I realize that, for the most part, the things others said that really got me pissed, were the things I needed to hear. Funny how that works, isn't it. At the time, I was living very close to an AA Facility where Meetings were held at different times throughout the day and night. I went to two Meetings a day on average. There were a lot of oldtimers there, the ones who had the attitude that during the first six months in, newcomers needed to take the cotton out of their ears and put it in their mouths. And they would tell every newcomer this without any hesitation. In their way of thinking, a newcomer could bring up a topic, but no newcomer could comment or share on something that may have helped them though a difficult time. I thought this way BS, I still do for the most part. But even if someone has a week in, they do have valuable things to share.
So many of us are extremely sensitive early in our Recovery and I think that's to be expected. Look what's going on, we have stripped ourselves of our defense mechanisms and ways of coping, the alcohol and drugs. I know I personalized so many things people said in a Meeting that weren't even directed at me. I would be in the grocery and hear some women in line gossiping about how silly they think someone's hair looked. I'd be in tears by the time I got out to the car, I personalized it, ready to wear hats for the next several weeks to hide what I thought was MY silly looking hair.
I have been on an antidepressant for many years. When I was deep in my addiction, I never took them. But when I was in detox, I spoke to the addictionologist who was taking care of me and asked him about if he thought it would help for me to start back up on them. I haven't missed one dose since. I have heard many different statistics about what percentage of alcoholics/addicts suffer from either clinical depression, bi polar disorder or severe anxiety that requires medication. I'm not going to act like I remember the exact percentage, but all the articles I have read on this and in speaking with different professionals about it, the percent is very high.
I think most of us, when we stop drinking and drugging, when all of emotions are staring us right in the face, we realize what all we had been numbing for many years. It can be very overwhelming. I know I thought to myself, "here I am admitting I am an alcoholic and addict and now I'm finding out I have clinical depression, anxiety disorders and who knows what else may surface. Is it really worth it?"
And the answer is, you bet your sweet a$$ it is! I had (and have) to follow those simple words we sometimes think we will throw up if we hear one more time, One Day at A Time. It sounds so simple but at times, we tend to make it out as something so difficult.
Katie, you are beginning to blossom in your Recovery, just like the rose. Sure, as the song says, "Every rose has it's thorns. . " but now, with the tools I have learned in Recovery and continue to learn, I am able to deal with these thorns without being stuck by them and suffering pain.
God Bless and keep up the good work . . . One Day at A Time,
Judy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi...
I do take med's...they have nothing to do with my alcoholism/recovery.
My alcoholism/recovery has nothing to do with my medications.
I use doctors for my med's....AA for recovery.
Good to see you again Katie...
I do take med's...they have nothing to do with my alcoholism/recovery.
My alcoholism/recovery has nothing to do with my medications.
I use doctors for my med's....AA for recovery.
Good to see you again Katie...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Hey Katie,
I don't know if this would be helpful but I stumbled upon this in my internet research and just read your post and thought it might interest you. Maybe you already know about it. I know we have meetings in San Francisco don't know if they have them where you are:
Dual Recovery Anonymous - a 12 Step Fellowship
I don't know if this would be helpful but I stumbled upon this in my internet research and just read your post and thought it might interest you. Maybe you already know about it. I know we have meetings in San Francisco don't know if they have them where you are:
Dual Recovery Anonymous - a 12 Step Fellowship
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
At any rate, went to an AA meeting tonight. It was nice to go to bed sober. It's not so bad, I guess. I am now coming to accept I have to work with the resources that I have - not the resources I WISH I had.
With a recovery program and the help of your Dr. I think you will come closer in getting your anxiety and depression in order. As you know it is a viscous cycle. Drinking creates anxiety and depression and we drink to relieve it. It just adds fuel to the fire. Through sobriety and meds, my depression and anxiety are under control. Give it time and I think you will be able to see a big difference.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Thank you all. Gosh, there is so much wisdom here. I have to chew on each individual post and then respond.
I wanted to get back to this thread though, however brief this post is. Your support means the world. I spend so much time alone and in this house and I don't know what I'd do without it.
Be back later. :ghug
I wanted to get back to this thread though, however brief this post is. Your support means the world. I spend so much time alone and in this house and I don't know what I'd do without it.
Be back later. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
My antidepressant finally works now that I don't drink. Hehe... I never paid attention to the stickies on the bottle that said "don't drink alcohol while using this medication". Turns out the sticky had a point.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Having not had a drink in over 4 months, I know that one initial "relapse" drink would have me feeling so good, that I'd be chasing that "new" high all over again, and the cycle would begin again. So I keep in mind that my decision to never drink again is for life, not just something to experiment with. I've worked too hard to throw it all away.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
hi all, this is my first post. the very first day, I realized that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC! I knew this since I was 21 but never did anything about it.. i'm now 31 and married 5 months to a great woman. however, alcohol has destroyed my short marrage.. last night. i left my wife at a party and drove home... when i got home my wife was with my cousin and his wife. too keep the story short, I flipped out, and went nuts on my wife. i punched a closet door like 10 times and destroyed it. every single finger on both hands are cut up and bruised(and I need a new door), I left and stayed at a friends house and drank into i blacked out. i woke up at noon today and came home to a very upset wife. she told me to quit drinking or she will divorce me.. so, i threw out 24 beers in my fridge, and I'm trying to get by my first day. I am hurt and sad, i hurt my wife. if she leaves me, I dont know how i would survive another 5 years.. I been drinking a case a beer a night, everynight,. i NEED HELP BAD. so now, i have no more beer in my house and my wife still hates me. to be frank, I don't think I will be sleeping at home tonight, as she expressed that she wanted me to leave for a while and get the help I need.. my name is timmy and im an alcoholic
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by timdogs17
hi all..... my name is timmy and im an alcoholic
Stay and keep reading and posting. I'm glad you're here.
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