Putting an end to "3 days sober"...
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Putting an end to "3 days sober"...
... and am still sober! 
I had no idea what I was in for with sobriety this time around (3 days ago)! My son was MIA, 20 years old and no where in sight or where to be contacted. After several hours of hunting around and talking to various friends and contacts of his and hearing the same thing, "No, I haven't seen him for a week...". I called the police station to see if he was incarcerated - nope. Hospitals - nope. Finally, now a wreck, I was getting ready to go to the Police Station and file a missing persons report. My cell rings and it's a text from him... Mom, I'm okay. I'll call you later. All that fear turned to anger, but knew there was nothing I could do at that point... at least for now. I have left messages for the last two days just telling him I love him.
I still have not heard anything at this point and it deeply saddens me as we do not have this kind of relationship. Usually we are in touch at least every few days. 2.5 wks have gone by and now know his clean time of 17 mo's is gone and he's in hiding somewhere and him "friends" aren't going to give up any info.
Everytime I get off a binge, I'm neurotic about trying to pick up pieces, be there for others and dive into as much healthy time as I can. My 2 kids are the most important people to me. When one is not "okay"... my heart aches incredibly for them and I try to "fix" what I can in their lives. I need to learn to step back and take care of "Nicki" with sobriety, but it's sooo hard! Next week would have been my lil boys 8th birthday and he's gone. I worry that my two grown children won't make it in their life because my daughter has the same heart condition that caused my son to die, and my boy is back on drugs!
I'm not interested in Co-Da or Ala-non at this time. I just want to wave that magic wand and have ME okay so I intuitively know how to handle things in life and the relationships that are sooo precious to me. It doesn't work that way, I know.
Sorry to dump all this... but felt I needed to! I can honestly say I am grateful I'm going through all this sober and getting so much support through others; family, SR, work, sponsor, friends.... I'm very blessed! I just don't think I can take one more death of a child of mine. I try not to go there and turn it over to God! He's in charge of the "tomorrows" and not me!
Thanks for listening! P.S. Tomorrow I won't be around too much due to my massage business, church, etc.... Very busy! Good thing right now, huh?!!!
:ghug3:praying:ghug3:praying:ghug3:praying
I had no idea what I was in for with sobriety this time around (3 days ago)! My son was MIA, 20 years old and no where in sight or where to be contacted. After several hours of hunting around and talking to various friends and contacts of his and hearing the same thing, "No, I haven't seen him for a week...". I called the police station to see if he was incarcerated - nope. Hospitals - nope. Finally, now a wreck, I was getting ready to go to the Police Station and file a missing persons report. My cell rings and it's a text from him... Mom, I'm okay. I'll call you later. All that fear turned to anger, but knew there was nothing I could do at that point... at least for now. I have left messages for the last two days just telling him I love him.
I still have not heard anything at this point and it deeply saddens me as we do not have this kind of relationship. Usually we are in touch at least every few days. 2.5 wks have gone by and now know his clean time of 17 mo's is gone and he's in hiding somewhere and him "friends" aren't going to give up any info.
Everytime I get off a binge, I'm neurotic about trying to pick up pieces, be there for others and dive into as much healthy time as I can. My 2 kids are the most important people to me. When one is not "okay"... my heart aches incredibly for them and I try to "fix" what I can in their lives. I need to learn to step back and take care of "Nicki" with sobriety, but it's sooo hard! Next week would have been my lil boys 8th birthday and he's gone. I worry that my two grown children won't make it in their life because my daughter has the same heart condition that caused my son to die, and my boy is back on drugs!
I'm not interested in Co-Da or Ala-non at this time. I just want to wave that magic wand and have ME okay so I intuitively know how to handle things in life and the relationships that are sooo precious to me. It doesn't work that way, I know.
Sorry to dump all this... but felt I needed to! I can honestly say I am grateful I'm going through all this sober and getting so much support through others; family, SR, work, sponsor, friends.... I'm very blessed! I just don't think I can take one more death of a child of mine. I try not to go there and turn it over to God! He's in charge of the "tomorrows" and not me!
Thanks for listening! P.S. Tomorrow I won't be around too much due to my massage business, church, etc.... Very busy! Good thing right now, huh?!!!
:ghug3:praying:ghug3:praying:ghug3:praying
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
P.S. I meant to say, "Putting an end to 3 days sober" cuz I'm going to bed! Good Night all you cyber friends out there! Hang tough and give yourself a hug from me!
:ghug3
:ghug3
and prayers for peace coming your way
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Sara9009 
Congrats on what will be day 4 when you wake up!
I am so sorry to hear about your son. My thoughts are with you. Big Hugs.
I am so sorry to hear about your son. My thoughts are with you. Big Hugs.
I "awoke" and didn't "come to"... so that's a huge plus right now! I'm tired and didn't sleep well, but am grateful that I'm "sober" tired and can still function for the day ahead of me.
I will be here checking on all of you who I do regularly when I have a break in the day! I love to get out of myself, it makes me feel better... and I love all you here who have become an intregal part of my life and recovery!
Thank you! Watch out Day 4... Nicki's tackling you with sobriety today!
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Congrats on day 4 today Nicki!!! Keep it up. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I'll be praying for you and him and for things to turn out okay. Hopefully he'll show up soon and let you know that everything is okay.
Wes
Keep it up. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I'll be praying for you and him and for things to turn out okay. Hopefully he'll show up soon and let you know that everything is okay.Wes
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Nicki,
I am sorry for what's going on with your son right now.
I have tended to want to hold on to my kids and to make everything right in their lives. They should never have to suffer, right? Wrong. I know they are on their own paths, wherever it may lead them and my 'letting go' bit by bit has been so helpful for me.
I am sorry for what's going on with your son right now.
I have tended to want to hold on to my kids and to make everything right in their lives. They should never have to suffer, right? Wrong. I know they are on their own paths, wherever it may lead them and my 'letting go' bit by bit has been so helpful for me.
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by 51anna
Nicki,
I am sorry for what's going on with your son right now.
I have tended to want to hold on to my kids and to make everything right in their lives. They should never have to suffer, right? Wrong. I know they are on their own paths, wherever it may lead them and my 'letting go' bit by bit has been so helpful for me.
I am sorry for what's going on with your son right now.
I have tended to want to hold on to my kids and to make everything right in their lives. They should never have to suffer, right? Wrong. I know they are on their own paths, wherever it may lead them and my 'letting go' bit by bit has been so helpful for me.
I will keep on keeping on though! They know I love them and that I'm always here for them..... especially when I'm sober!
Thank you, Anna!
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