do I need a sponsor ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2
do I need a sponsor ?
I am 25 days sober I attend meetings daily....a wonderful caring group of people ....but I feel a lot of pressure to find a sponsor I have trust issues and really not ready to ask anyone.....I getting though 1 day at a time .Do I really need a sponsor? confused !!!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Mary, welcome to SR
I had the trust issues too.I think that is normal for us.I did get a sponsor and I was not too good using him to start with,but it got better.Maybe get a temporary sponsor to help you get started?
I had the trust issues too.I think that is normal for us.I did get a sponsor and I was not too good using him to start with,but it got better.Maybe get a temporary sponsor to help you get started?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I'm glad you found a meeting that seems to give you support and guidance.
And thats real important.........but for me and only me...meetings wont keep me sober.
By that i mean only doing meetings.
Don't get me wrong.....i love meetings but i go to study the book and carry the message to whom ever wants to listen...
That is important to me..."whom ever wants to listen.."
Yes i also go to see friends........but again friends wont keep me sober.
The message of sobriety is the steps and i wont stay sober unless i adhere to them...
I do my best.......i am not a saint.....but i have changed...and i don't need or want a drink...today.
For me to follow those steps i need a sponsor....whom has a sponsor..
for guidance and who is not afraid to pull me on my b@llsh@t
cos believe me...on a bad day i have lots..lol
i picked that sponsor because i saw a peace him that i wanted...alot.
For me if i do the steps without a sponsor....i would start to believe my own rubbish......my interpretation....would be mine only.
Someone said to me years ago....and i was sober at the time....."the steps are the answer to your dilemma".....
The dilemma being i couldn't live without it or with it............
Maybe spend some time getting to know the guy/girl..before you start.
Create some trust....it takes time.but it will happen.
This is my take......take what is useful my friend....and congratulations on your sobriety.
God be with you...trucker
And thats real important.........but for me and only me...meetings wont keep me sober.
By that i mean only doing meetings.
Don't get me wrong.....i love meetings but i go to study the book and carry the message to whom ever wants to listen...
That is important to me..."whom ever wants to listen.."
Yes i also go to see friends........but again friends wont keep me sober.
The message of sobriety is the steps and i wont stay sober unless i adhere to them...
I do my best.......i am not a saint.....but i have changed...and i don't need or want a drink...today.
For me to follow those steps i need a sponsor....whom has a sponsor..
for guidance and who is not afraid to pull me on my b@llsh@t
cos believe me...on a bad day i have lots..lol
i picked that sponsor because i saw a peace him that i wanted...alot.
For me if i do the steps without a sponsor....i would start to believe my own rubbish......my interpretation....would be mine only.
Someone said to me years ago....and i was sober at the time....."the steps are the answer to your dilemma".....
The dilemma being i couldn't live without it or with it............
Maybe spend some time getting to know the guy/girl..before you start.
Create some trust....it takes time.but it will happen.
This is my take......take what is useful my friend....and congratulations on your sobriety.
God be with you...trucker
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Welcome! Congratulations on your 25 days of sobriety! That is an enormous feat to be proud of.
I agree that the steps are central to true recovery through the AA program. And that there is no way I would've been able to understand the steps, much less work them, without my sponsor.
Sometimes, we put up our own roadblocks. We say, "That is out of my comfort zone." or "I'll just do this part but not that part - it doesn't pertain to me." Or "I get to opt out of that part because I have a special circumstance."
My personal opinion is that we do that as a sneaky way to maintain our disease. Like it gives us the illusion of control.
My feeling is that even if it's out of your comfort zone, you should probably do it. It will support your recovery. On the other hand, you have every right (and no one should judge you) to delay your leap into that uncomfortable place. The point is, the pace of your recovery is entirely up to you. You get to choose. If you ask someone before you're ready, is it going to be difficult to not resent them? Are your trust issues going to prevent you from being able to identify a good sponsor?
Do you pray? When I am undecided about something important and the path isn't clear, I pray. And then I wait for it to become clear. I listen for that voice inside me that knows.
I'm glad you're here at SR. It's a really great community. Good job getting sober!
I agree that the steps are central to true recovery through the AA program. And that there is no way I would've been able to understand the steps, much less work them, without my sponsor.
Sometimes, we put up our own roadblocks. We say, "That is out of my comfort zone." or "I'll just do this part but not that part - it doesn't pertain to me." Or "I get to opt out of that part because I have a special circumstance."
My personal opinion is that we do that as a sneaky way to maintain our disease. Like it gives us the illusion of control.
My feeling is that even if it's out of your comfort zone, you should probably do it. It will support your recovery. On the other hand, you have every right (and no one should judge you) to delay your leap into that uncomfortable place. The point is, the pace of your recovery is entirely up to you. You get to choose. If you ask someone before you're ready, is it going to be difficult to not resent them? Are your trust issues going to prevent you from being able to identify a good sponsor?
Do you pray? When I am undecided about something important and the path isn't clear, I pray. And then I wait for it to become clear. I listen for that voice inside me that knows.
I'm glad you're here at SR. It's a really great community. Good job getting sober!
uʍop ǝpısdn
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
Welcome home Mary
It's funny I feel like saying welcome, I'm only 22 days sober but have spent enough time here to feel like it's my home! SR is amazing I can't stress what a miracle it has been for me.
To the sponsor issue, I found my sponsor at my 3rd meeting, he has 30 years sobriety and is the big book study teacher. I wanted to get someone who knows the program and I got the best.
so far no steps, but he makes me call him every day and that call keeps my mind focused. Alone is not good especially in early sobriety.
I would suggest to seek out someone who has time and knows the program and ask them to be your sponsor. (same gender a must)
I can't stress enough how having a sponsor gives you a sense of not being alone and that is enough in it's self.
IMHO, people who don't want a sponsor don't have a real commitment level in sobriety and want to be able to go in and out freely.
That is my opinion, and is not stated anywhere so I might be 100% wrong.
But having a sponsor is definitely a commitment and makes it harder for you to slip away.
again welcome Mary and good sobriety to you.
It's funny I feel like saying welcome, I'm only 22 days sober but have spent enough time here to feel like it's my home! SR is amazing I can't stress what a miracle it has been for me.
To the sponsor issue, I found my sponsor at my 3rd meeting, he has 30 years sobriety and is the big book study teacher. I wanted to get someone who knows the program and I got the best.
so far no steps, but he makes me call him every day and that call keeps my mind focused. Alone is not good especially in early sobriety.
I would suggest to seek out someone who has time and knows the program and ask them to be your sponsor. (same gender a must)
I can't stress enough how having a sponsor gives you a sense of not being alone and that is enough in it's self.
IMHO, people who don't want a sponsor don't have a real commitment level in sobriety and want to be able to go in and out freely.
That is my opinion, and is not stated anywhere so I might be 100% wrong.
But having a sponsor is definitely a commitment and makes it harder for you to slip away.
again welcome Mary and good sobriety to you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on starting your new life!
Welcome to our recovery community.
Please look on the literature rack....most groups have
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"
that is the official AA guideline.
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