Music man

21 days sober for me, and I was just thinking how much more fun life is now.
I was thinking how incredibly miserable my whole alcoholic career was.
I just wanted to see just how everybody else remembered their drinking career. Fun or not? regrets or not?
I hated my drunk life had absolutely no fun and regret every second of it.

Anna

There was nothing fun about my drinking years.

I have worked very hard on forgiving myself and moving beyond my regrets. I do believe that I needed to go through what I did, in order to end up where I am today.

getr345

For me, it wasn't all bad but the bad certainly outweighed the good towards the end. Come to think of it, towards the end, there was no good. I was miserable and on the fast track to death. Then I heard the songs That Was Just Your Life and The End of the Line by Metallica and knew something had to be done.

sailorjohn

I honestly can't recall any fun associated with my drinking career, and am always just a little disturbed when I sit at a table and hear romance stories from a recovering alcoholic. If you're still romancing your drinking, you'll probably end up going back there. As far as regrets, I had to do what I did to get where I am, so I try to look at the past as an expensive, painful lesson I had to learn.

yeahgr8

It was a living hell. In hindsight it was all ****.

Anyway no biggie it's not like i did it for 20 years...oh **** yeah i did

Bard

I use to have fun. Or at least I thought so. Now I can look back and just see a bunch of wasted time when I could of been doing something more creative or pursuing dreams I had. The later years were just an attempt to chase after the "good times" of the past and it was just a sad excitance that I'm more then happy to close the book on and start my new life!

sfgirl

Right now I am trying to reconcile the fun times. There were definitely fun times. I mean, hell, some of my most fun times when I was growing up there was alcohol involved. The other night I was about to go to my friends birthday in a bar and I was on facebook looking at some of the other people that would be there. I was clicking through this guy's photos of him in Pamplona at running of the bulls and I started to remember myself when I was there. I was just dropped off on a bus when I was in language school with all these people in my classes, we didn't have a hotel, the bus picked us up in the morning, we stayed up all night, sang songs, watched the bulls, drank kalimoxtos (sp?), and it was amazing. I remember everyone's white outfits stained with red wine and coke. It was so fun. And it wouldn't have been the same without the booze. Frankly, I probably wouldn't have been able to tolerate the crowds and staying up all night without it. And I have so many fun stories. I almost started to cry because in a way those days are gone. If I went to running of the bulls now it would be a different experience— I would probably make sure to have a hotel, etc, and a lot of that also has to do with me getting older and things changing. I went to the bday at the bar and part of me was sad to not be able drink because I really feel like I have given up a part of my life. Currently I feel like I am mourning it you know? Like I won't have those days again. It is over. Sure, towards the end drinking did not give me the same fun buzz anymore. But I had so many fun times drinking and I would be lying to myself to say otherwise. It is definitely not black and white to me. Now I feel like I just have to realize that new, different fun times are ahead.

Dee74

I'm with Bard, Sailor John and Astro.
Whatever fun I thought I was having at the tine - I look back now, and I wasn't.

Noone needs to anesthetise themselves that much if they're having fun.

...and that's not even going into the appallingly self indulgent waste of opportunity and years.

Astro

That sums up my feelings pretty well. For many years it seemed like a lot of fun, but in reality it was a colossal f@#*ing waste of time.

The last 10 years I drank were a nightmare. Usually it involved angering my ex-wife, making a complete idiot of myself, and frightening my children.

I'll never mourn it, I'm grateful that life is behind me now. Living a clean and sober life is much more productive and fulfilling.

Fubarcdn

I have no regrets. It was all fun but now it is time to move on. All things must pass.

Bard

Yeah exactly.

No matter how much I hated the way drinking was taking over my life and everyday thoughts I still had this little part of me remembering the good times. I think that's what kept me from seriously getting sober since I couldn't let go of the past.

Now it's just a shameful shaking of my head and thinking: "Man...what a waste!"

Mariposa18

To me it doesn't matter whether it was fun or not, all I know is that it is over =) Been there, done that, moving on! lol Never again~

mle-sober

It's not that I didn't think I was having fun at the time. It's that none of it is fun to remember. I agree with both SailerJohn and SFGirl, in a way.

It's hard not to feel sad at the beginning of sobriety. I mourned the loss of alcohol like I would mourn the death of a lover. Absolutely. But the further into recovery I got, the clearer my respect for true happiness became.

I am truly a new person in recovery. I'm so different. I grew up as a ragged, little wild girl who was always running from something. I had a lot to run from. There was abuse and pain in my childhood and when I discovered alcohol, it felt like a healing balm for my messed up psyche. At the time, I thought I was comforting myself. And I thought I was, finally, having FUN.

But now, after 25 years of drinking and running away, I look back and realize that the FUN was a lie I was telling myself. I justified my actions (because I didn't know how to take the first steps toward healing) by telling myself it was all in so much fun. But really I was flinging myself restlessly and chaotically at the world. I didn't know the difference between fun and pandemonium.
Fun, to me now, does not include chaos. Having taken the time to heal and arrange myself, fun is defined more by harmony, comfort, beauty, and joy.

So while I thought I was having the time of my life, I was utterly delusional. It is much more truthful to say I was running from my life in a frenetic fear. Alcohol wasn't helping me have fun. It was protecting a lie about fun.

Music man

so poetic, and wonderfully put. Outstanding!

coffeenut

It was so much fun I cried desparately for the strength to quit.

Not one damn thing about it was fun. It makes me sick to think about it. Thankfully, that also keeps me sober.

Bamboozle

I did have fun at the time. It was something for me to do...I was pretty lonely and it helped. Am I having fun now that I'm sober? No. Not at all.

What bothers me is the lost time...

...the wasted money...

...how I didn't take care of myself.

And now, I don't know where to go from here.

wanttolive

I feel alot like SFgirl. I had alot of fun for a while. Too many good times to count. It stayed fun until towards the end when it took control and my life revolved around how long it would be before I could have my next drink. My whole schedule revolved around alcohol. When it gets that bad it's no fun anymore.

But in my earlier days I remember quite a few good laughs.

Now I am looking into new things to do and learning new ways to have fun without drinking. It will be an adjustment but so worth it!

4dogsandakid

There must have been some secondary gain, or I wouldn't have done it. So something about it was enjoyable. It masked the pain, it made me numb, it helped the anxiety, it made me feel confident, it helped the boredom and monotony. I gave it the name savior and it delivered what it promised.

Then it just becomes painful, shameful, disgusting, obsessing and sad.

I'm hoping to find the truth that I know lies within myself instead of looking to outside myself and a can (or 10) of beer for the answer.

I have been puzzled so many times why I returned to something that made me so miserable. I would cry, scream, sometimes while taking that next gulp. Promise myself...write it all down how horrible it was and then did it again. And again. Detoxed, went through hell, saw how lovely and joyful life on the other side was, then did it AGAIN. WTF? There has to be a reason I return to it...if I could find that reason, I think I could get over this once and for all.

CoF1984

At the time, I thought it was fun. I thought "hell yeah I'm living my rock n roll/rockstar life" and thought I was on top of the world. Now that I look back, I was just making an ass of myself. It's a lot more fun writing music and lyrics in my free time now especially considering I can remember what I wrote. So, at the time I thought it was fun, but it wasn't. I'm having fun doing my rock star life in my free time without the alcohol. Who knows, now that I am finding I can do this better sober you guys might see me on tv one day. lol Wes the next Alice Cooper or Ozzy Osbourne lol.
Wes

mle-sober

Or maybe the next Iggy Pop? (See Dee's nostalia on his post above.)