getr345

Random reflections on the past 139 days and thoughts about the future:

Let me just say that I am very proud of how far I have come. 139 days ago, I quit drinking cold turkey after what seemed like an eternity of heavy alcohol consumption and abuse. I have this forum to thank for providing me with a place to speak freely, and for being a place that I could discuss recovery and addiction issues with people going through the same thing. Of all the cliches in recovery, the one that sticks with me the most and seems the most true is the title of this thread, "progress not perfection."

I have tried to make progress, keeping in mind that perfection is an unattainable illusion. I'll never be perfect, but who ever will be? So progress will have to do. And I have made steady progress towards my goal of total sobriety. About a month and a half after giving up booze, I finally broke my long standing addiction to nicotine. I also stopped recreationally using pain pills around this same time and cannot recall the last time I even saw a pain pill or thought about taking one.

Through this period of 139 days, I continued to smoke pot, perhaps not being as honest with myself and others about it as I would have liked, fearful of giving up that one last thing, and being left alone with my pain, my fear, and my uncertainty about a truly sober life. Well, I think the time has come for more progress; to be honest with myself and to say goodbye to marijuana. The fact is, I no longer enjoy it and almost always regret it after doing it. So yesterday I did not smoke pot, and today I will not either.

Progress, not perfection.

Right?

Tommyh

you got that right getr345

you`re telling a bit of my story too

I knew when I tried to quit drinking I did not want to give up pot.It did take a little time for me to finally hit a spot like you hit.I realized one day I didn`t like it,and what it was costing me and doing to me.
Then I gave pot up.Unfortunately,I did drink a few more times after that before I got hold of sobriety.
I believe you are on the right course.Hope you are successful,and happy.

inch by inch,it`s a chinch(just a old saying)

Sara9009

Congrats on all of your progress and your decision to take the next step.

getr345

When I consider the reasons to stop next to the reasons to keep doing it, it's a a shutout every time in favor of stopping. Unlike how I felt about drinking when I decided to stop that, I have considered "marijuana moderation"...maybe just smoking every now and then or on "special" occasions or when I can be sure that it adds something to the mix such as a good movie or a new CD, but what's the point of leaving that door open, even a crack? If I do, the time will come when the door flies open and I'm smoking regularly again. If I am to be perfectly honest with myself about how I feel when I smoke pot and the thoughts that go through my head about it, there is really no reason to ever go down that road again. It seems like it will be harder than stopping drinking, maybe just because it's the last thing I have held onto through this process. Another reason I want to stop is so I can have real integrity when discussing recovery with someone who might be (or might not even be) considering it. If I can say honestly that I gave it all up, I feel like I put myself in a much better position to help others.

Fubarcdn

It sounds like you like pot better than alcohol.
I was the opposite I favored beer. I gave up hashish just over 5 years ago but kept drinking until this year.
Be proud of what you have done and if you go all the way, so to speak, good luck.

getr345

Not sure that's true but I was always keenly aware of the many differences between the two and always considered pot the less negative (or bad) in terms of consequences, dangerousness, and health effects. But no matter how I spun it in my head, and no matter if I was "right" or not, the fact is I have smoked pot for a long time and I can't recall the last time I truly enjoyed it, or didn't regret it almost immediately after doing it. It's time to grow up and give myself a chance to see what life is like without it. Over the years I've run into many people who pass on grass and say they used to smoke pot but just can't anymore because of the way it makes them feel and I can so relate to those people, except for some reason I kept right on doing something I wasn't really enjoying.

Anna

It sounds like you're making a good choice.

yeahgr8

I'd totally agree with your thread title in this case. I think you are the exception to the rule and you can defintely do this! As you say it is removing the last crutch, so to speak, so don't be embarassed or afraid to get help if you need it, you have come a long way and life sober, without the pot too, will be even better. I think these are all things you already know and i wish you real success again

Music man

\

Instead of telling God how big your fears and pain is, start telling your fear and pain how big your God is!
That works.
Oh good job finally seeing the pot for what it is, addiction.
and anything in obsession is still being an alcoholic no matter what the substance. Alcoholic as I describe it is an obsession to do any thing not just drink alcohol.

getr345

Thanks for saying that. I feel the same way but I wish I felt more sure about my ability to truly follow through and make good on that choice. I have a lot of doubt about my ability to truly walk away from pot forever. My wife is a pothead (although as noted previously she is the most functional pothead ever and I defy anyone to have the level of success both personally and professionally that she has and smoke as much as she does) and we have been eachother's smoking buddies for a long time. If I am to be successful, more will be asked of her in terms of supporting me and making considerate choices around the house, and out and about etc. What I have to keep in mind is that I do not enjoy it anymore and I have to remember how many times I have regretted smoking it recently. It's just not for me anymore.

Fubarcdn

That is exactly when I quit smoking that stuff getr. It was when I came to the conclusion that it wasn't fun anymore. I didn't really even like the high anymore and it was just an expensive habit that I got nothing out of. It took me 35 years but some of us are slower than others.

least

:ghug3

getr345

Since discontinuing the use of pot (4 day ago) I have had no had conscious cravings or any desire to do it (I'm sick so that helps) BUT I have had some strange pot smoking dreams. A couple nights ago it was a dream about smoking right upon waking (wake & bake) which I never use to do anyway and then last night just a dream about smoking but what was encouraging about this dream was that in it, I was regretful, and very disappointed that I had done it, knowing I had to start the old day count all over again, if at all.

I'm getting more confident that I can live totally sober.

Fubarcdn

Way to go Getr. You can do it.

getr345

I'm starting to believe that, and that's what matters most.

Progress, not perfection right?

Pelican

Thanks for sharing, getr!

Congratulations on your progress!