SkippyD

Just keep trying, that is what I did. I have been trying this sobriety thing for quite some time, nothing could ever keep me sober and I was in utter despair. So what was different this time? Well, two months ago I woke up hungover and realized I just couldn't do this anymore, I actually felt different, and I wanted to be sober. I went to see my doctor and asked for Antabuse and after a talk he agreed to give it to me. Antabuse is not the answer to recovery but it can certainly help you get a good start. I take my pill every morning and it is very liberating to know that I cannot drink while I am taking it. I have also started attending AA meetings (even though I am still on the fence), I love the social aspect as I was seriously isolating myself, AA makes me feel sad but I am persevering. I have a sponsor and am taking things very slowly. If you are like me, you never know when a "drunk" episode is coming, then maybe Antabuse could help you gain a little space. I am not giving medical advice just telling about what is working for me. My experience of sober time is this: I feel SO GOOD!!! I look GOOD! I am HAPPY! I am also living the life that I want to live, not the alternative DRUNK life that I HATE. Keep trying, never give up and BELIEVE in YOURSELF!

firestorm090

Hey, thanks everyone for getting me back on track again. I'm a bit fuzzy this morning, so I will have to wait awhile before I can reply individually, but as a whole, you folks are just wonderful! My friend, who stayed here for a couple days, returned this morning to check on me, and after I told her about last night, we've agreed that she will stay here for awhile, to help me get on sound footing. I gave her my keys and wallet, and she'll do the shopping for now. That's all good by me. I guess I'll be glued to htis site for the next few days, which is also all good by me, cause it sure beats the hell outta drinking. Thanks again for not giving me the boot, or 86ing me.

mamabin

I agree with taking one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I often have to concentrate on the present moment. I too tried to quit and then drank only to ask myself why I was doing it. I didn't really want to but it was like a demon in my head controlling me.
Please don't be so hard on yourself.

flutter

Sobriety didn't 'stick' for me until I wanted it more than i wanted a drink. Took a while for that to fall in place.. I had to get there, and I'm glad that I did before I died, cuz I came very very close to it a few times. I hope you get there soon

Horselover

That's such a great post and so good to hear Firestorm. I am really glad to know you have such a dear friend. What would we do without our friends?

We won't EVER give you the boot by the way!!!

Hevyn

Hi firestorm - you're stronger than you know, otherwise you wouldn't have come back here. You are going to do this - it's early days yet. Don't be disappointed in the way you feel in the beginning. I've been sober over a year, but I've gone through so many different phases & still am a work in progress. As everyone's said, just put one foot in front of the other, grit your teeth and keep on going with it. Everything will fall into place.

lisa t

good for you firestorm...glad you came back and are going to give it another try. i think having your friend stay with you is an excellent idea if they are supportive in your desire not to drink. i had to isolate myself for the first few weeks, went to work but stayed real close to home with my husband & daughter in the evenings. somehow being there with them made me feel accountable and also i went to alot of aa meetings and the folks in the rooms helped me tremendously. but whatever you do, just make sure you have positive support for yourself..none of us can do it alone!
glad you are here! big hugs!
Lisa

James13

Firestorm, I know what you are saying. Some of my friends who are not addicts and don't know much about addiction always say "its all about choices." No, its really not. Sure, it is a choice to pick up again, but addiction is never a choice, because when many addicts feel great and not want to use, we can be most susceptible. I know when I don't feel like I want to get high, I start to try and rationalize getting high. Because when things are going good (which they are for me most of the time recently), choices can be results of deceiving myself.

I think its more about being mindful about every thought at every moment of every day. Sure, its impossible to do this right now ALL the time, but the more often I am mindful, the easier it gets to BE mindful. Just like the more I wasn't mindful, the easier it got to NOT be mindful.

So when I am not mindful, I can think I am making the right choice, but I am not. I am more prone to use when things are good. At least when things are not good, the higher powers that be are taking me down a not-so-happy road in life to remind me of being mindful.

I hope you realize you are not hopeless at all. I have felt hopeless when I am not aware not of "what" I am thinking, but "why" I am thinking a certain way.

Much love to you.

TigerLili

Glad you are feeling a bit better. I have found sobriety thus far to be an emotional rollercoaster. As someone said in an AA meeting today and as I read upthread, 'this too shall pass'. Just hang on. The further away from you last drink you get the easier it will be. It's hard in the beginning stages because we have nothing to rely on to keep us sober but our white knuckles. Honestly, I thought i would die if I didn't have a drink, but drinking was killing me. We are so crazy in our alcoholic heads

firestorm090

Wow, you guys and gals are great!

I thought I would get kicked to the curb, but instead I feel the warm embrace of people who really care. I haven't felt that in a long time. Sure, when you buy a round at the bar, they ring the bell, then everyone toasts with you, but then we all settle into our own thoughts shortly thereafter, with the occasional reference to the ballgame that's on or the state of our economy. If you try to say, "Hey Bud, I'm just plain miserable", they look at you kinda funny, then tell you to have another drink. And they're right, cause after several more, I can't feel anything. I have drowned my feelings for years, but the persistent little devils just keep cropping up, making me look at myself in the mirror, with the bags under my eyes, the two-day beard, blood-shot eyes, etc. It's just creepy looking at myself sometimes. This morning I looked closely at my eyes and the centers were just pinpoints. Huh? Who was that stranger looking back at me? Now, that was a real eyeopener.

I wish I had words to reply to each of you seperately, but rest assured that I appreciate each of you for helping me. I extend a huge hug to you all, and feel comfort in your presence. Thank you.

NewBeginning010

Right on Firestorm just remember....