thinking about
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
thinking about
going back to kuitpo again
got 10days going, it wont last though cos im back to hatred town again
im thinking bout going back to do the whole programme of 5months
just thinkin bout it right now is all
just letting people know where im at is all
got 10days going, it wont last though cos im back to hatred town again
im thinking bout going back to do the whole programme of 5months
just thinkin bout it right now is all
just letting people know where im at is all
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nikky,
What you choose is up to you, but I think your idea of going back to Kuitpo sounds like a good idea.
You know I care about you, we've shared lots over the past while, and I also know you have a lot of pain to work through, and I can't think of a better place to find your balance and heal than a place like Kuitpo.
You're worth it, Nikky, and reaching out for help shows growth and courage.
Sending hugs and praying for better days ahead for you.
What you choose is up to you, but I think your idea of going back to Kuitpo sounds like a good idea.
You know I care about you, we've shared lots over the past while, and I also know you have a lot of pain to work through, and I can't think of a better place to find your balance and heal than a place like Kuitpo.
You're worth it, Nikky, and reaching out for help shows growth and courage.
Sending hugs and praying for better days ahead for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Glad you are taking the steps that are necessary for you Nikky. We want you whole, happy, and healthy. Will be thinking of you and watching for you to check in here. I do remember when you went into recovery before and you definitely seemed to be in a good place, both physically and mentally. Wishing you the best!! (((Nikky)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi Nikky hope you make the right choice for you and get better soon:-)
Is this where you are thinking about Kuitpo Community if so it looks amazing!!!!!
Is this where you are thinking about Kuitpo Community if so it looks amazing!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
If Kuitpo seems right for you, do it Nix.
I'm not sure what they do there, but hatred, especially self hatred, is hard stuff to deal with.
If they can do anything to help with that and get you living a full and happy life 'on the outside' it'll be worth it, mate.
D
I'm not sure what they do there, but hatred, especially self hatred, is hard stuff to deal with.
If they can do anything to help with that and get you living a full and happy life 'on the outside' it'll be worth it, mate.
D
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
yeahgr8 yes that is where i was from sept to december last year
it made all the difference
alot has changed since then though an its unlikely i will be able to do it, i have noone to care for my april who's in year 12, her last school year & she is no longer working nor able to work more to support herself.
im in public housing , if i go like last time i still gotta pay 240bux a fortnight rent to keep my home an pay 279bux a fortnite to live at kuitpo an buy food ect ect.
last time april was working 4days a week an 1 full day on the weekend an was able to cover housing costs an food cost with me
not now....
jai has also just started school this yaer an lordknow it wouldnt be good to uproot him again.
im looking into day rehab programmes here in adelaide as i know they have them.
and cognitive behavioural therapy.
just to remind those who are thinking im unclean, im not, im 11days today, its not staying clean thats the issue, its living with my horrendous past thats the problem an all the pain an the horrors ive seen an done
all the abuse ive suffered an now cannot find my way thru life with ease,
all the flashbacks now that drugs are gone an nothing numbs the memories
THAT my friends is the trouble
thankyou allf for understanding an being supportive i will keep u imformed i'm not going anywhere jus yet
it made all the difference
alot has changed since then though an its unlikely i will be able to do it, i have noone to care for my april who's in year 12, her last school year & she is no longer working nor able to work more to support herself.
im in public housing , if i go like last time i still gotta pay 240bux a fortnight rent to keep my home an pay 279bux a fortnite to live at kuitpo an buy food ect ect.
last time april was working 4days a week an 1 full day on the weekend an was able to cover housing costs an food cost with me
not now....
jai has also just started school this yaer an lordknow it wouldnt be good to uproot him again.
im looking into day rehab programmes here in adelaide as i know they have them.
and cognitive behavioural therapy.
just to remind those who are thinking im unclean, im not, im 11days today, its not staying clean thats the issue, its living with my horrendous past thats the problem an all the pain an the horrors ive seen an done
all the abuse ive suffered an now cannot find my way thru life with ease,
all the flashbacks now that drugs are gone an nothing numbs the memories
THAT my friends is the trouble
thankyou allf for understanding an being supportive i will keep u imformed i'm not going anywhere jus yet
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
niks niks, you know it aint easy... if it was, we all wouldnt be here...
it takes real long hard work...
you started doing the footwork, then got hung up in life stuff again... many do...
remember, first things first...
bottom dwellers as you and i have extra work in store for us...
it is doable, just the answers can only come from within...
how bad do we really want it?
for as long as we've known you, you do want it...
maybe for now, just in time, you wont have to worry about numbing them...
they will be a far away memory...
now works that little ass off niks, go back if need, the rest will fall into place...
Trust!
i love you lady spunk!
use that spunk in the positives!
pattee
its living with my horrendous past thats the problem an all the pain an the horrors ive seen an done
all the abuse ive suffered an now cannot find my way thru life with ease,
all the abuse ive suffered an now cannot find my way thru life with ease,
it takes real long hard work...
you started doing the footwork, then got hung up in life stuff again... many do...
remember, first things first...
bottom dwellers as you and i have extra work in store for us...
it is doable, just the answers can only come from within...
how bad do we really want it?
for as long as we've known you, you do want it...
all the flashbacks now that drugs are gone an nothing numbs the memories
they will be a far away memory...
now works that little ass off niks, go back if need, the rest will fall into place...
Trust!
i love you lady spunk!
use that spunk in the positives!
pattee
Last edited by Rusty Zipper; 02-14-2009 at 06:55 PM.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
It's really hard living sober Nikky - if it wasn't we wouldn't need places like SR.
We've all been where you are - but you can make it
The drugs part is under control - now you have to work on leaving all the other crap where it belongs - yesterday - and learning all about the Nikky you are today.
When all else fails - like zip says - head down, bum up.
D
We've all been where you are - but you can make it
The drugs part is under control - now you have to work on leaving all the other crap where it belongs - yesterday - and learning all about the Nikky you are today.
When all else fails - like zip says - head down, bum up.
D
~miss nikky~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
thanx guys, & i wont be going anywhere
i was thinking bout rehab cos its an easy out, anyone can stay clean in rehab, me..i am able to stay clean our here, i can, i have, i am an i will continue to do so, i have to just keep fronting up an going to meetings an following the principles an not the personalities, in doing this i will end up principled enough to attract real friendships that count, be a better parent an will not be so lonely an lost
just gotta keep keeping on.
DEE
PAT
your my Mr spunk, you two have been endless in your support of me, i have never met either of you(hope to do so one day) yet i feel you are both true friends
xxxxoooo
P.S just got home form the womens meeting ;-)
i was thinking bout rehab cos its an easy out, anyone can stay clean in rehab, me..i am able to stay clean our here, i can, i have, i am an i will continue to do so, i have to just keep fronting up an going to meetings an following the principles an not the personalities, in doing this i will end up principled enough to attract real friendships that count, be a better parent an will not be so lonely an lost
just gotta keep keeping on.
DEE
PAT
your my Mr spunk, you two have been endless in your support of me, i have never met either of you(hope to do so one day) yet i feel you are both true friendsxxxxoooo
P.S just got home form the womens meeting ;-)
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Thanks for update Niks. Not sure who thinks you're not clean, to my mind you are so up front and honest - you told us straight away you'd relapsed 11 days ago- although I didn't know about all the other stuff going on; just you have been having a rotten time. I really hope you can get the day prog if you can't get to kuipto. You deserve some help and support. Let us know what happens. Love n hugs
:ghug2
:ghug2
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