firestorm090

Getting sober is just plain tough. I don't really care about all the stuffed shirts sitting back, saying "He's weak," "He'll never make it," blah, blah blah blah blah. I've lived the life of a drunk for a long time now, over 30 yrs., so I don't need the voices that I read earlier today saying relapse is wrong. If not making it one day sober is a relapse, then I'm guilty. Please allow me to provide the tar, but you'll have to buy your own feathers, since I spent my money at the bar. I hate what I just did. I have to keep correcting my typing because I"m too drunk to hit the right keys. I can say only this in my defense, this is the first time I've really been honest about my drinking in God knows how long. The simple fact is I have no idea what life is like anymore without alcohol, but I still have enough brain cells to let me know this is killing me. Truth is, I don't want to die a miserable drunk, for I've lived that way for far too long.

nobodyknows

i understand. i am fixing my typing with almost every word
i know its really hard
just be strong.

bosoxbunny

So, you didn't make 24 hours today... no biggie unless you make it a big deal.
Tomorrow is another day. I screwed up yesterday and drank again tonight.
* I have about 4 hours sober* .... but it's something. Maybe you and I can start
our sobriety together! Day one is tomorrow after you wake up. See what happens
then but don't ever think you can't do it. Sometimes it just takes many many many
tries, over and over and over again. Good luck and let us know soon how you are doing.

yeahgr8

Hey there

I did this for years, if you look at my now embarassing few blog posts for earlier on last year, i managed to stop one day and the following morning i would say 'I am on my way, no more booze ever!' and **** me by 4pm i would be on the third drink thinking how the hell is this happening?

My exgf who might be my gf again, great girl, keeps reminding me of how i would wake up in the morning and swear to everything that i am through drinking and how i am going to change, go to AA, get help etc. and she would ring me in the afternoon and know i was down the pub 'Cliff have you been drinking?'...'I'm only having a couple!'...jeez!

Last year i got to the point where i just accepted that i could not stop and this was my life and to live with it, i lived like that for about 6 months until i had enough and objectively thought that i don't want to be alive if this is it so i have 2 choses, the first is obvious the second was to get help on my knees and do whatever that person said...i mean whatever!

I surfed the internet and found an alcohol counselor, yeah i know wtf is that?! I saw the word counselor and alcohol that was about as much as i could make sense of! I went did what they said, the psychiatrist i was referred to for one session from the counselor said we cant help you if you dont stop drinking, can you stop drinking, told me straight away to go to AA (phd in psychiatry advising to go to AA when i am paying them €140 an hour...hmmm) which i didnt and i am now sober 4 months which is ridiculous when you think about the fact i could not give up for one day!

I went to my first AA meting yesterday and am going again today because i want to be like the people there basically, i dont want to drink again and be unhappy!

I fought for so many years trying to control my drinking the thing that started me off on this was that i gave up trying to control it last year, if i have one drink im going to drink as much as i want, until i am slurring and almost passing out. This holds true today and i know that if i have one drink i will get drunk, go to the casino lose my money and be seriously depressed for a couple of weeks...there is no more delusion on this part and that really helps.

Anyways it can be done you just need to get someone to help you whether it be counseling or go to AA and keep coming to SR:-)

Good luck!

Tosh

I haven't went 24 hours without a drink for a good few years now; though I plan to kick the booze soon. Sometimes I say today I won't have a drink, but I always do.

I won't give up on giving up, but today isn't the right day for me to start!

Maybe tomorrow!

least

This should be day three of my sober life but the withdrawal anxiety yesterday was more than I could stand so I drank to stop the horrible shakes. Today I'm going to the ER to get some help so I can get past the first three days, after that I'll make it. Do whatever you need to do to get sober, whether it be medical detox, the hospital, rehab, or whatever. Once you get past the first few days it gets better.

I had six months sober before I fell off the wagon, I'm going to get there again cause I don't want to live like this anymore.

justalittleone

Wow. All this is so me. I didn't see the voices telling you that relapse is wrong (want me so sock 'em up for ya?), but I've been drunk long enough to where that kind of thing doesn't help me, either.

As far as 24 hours...well heck, for the past 23 years, I think I've had maybe - just maybe - one or two days here or there where I wasn't drunk or drinking.

Honesty? I finally did the same thing...like nobody else knew, or something. But at least I quit lying, especially to me.

I swear, I know I'm gonna die if I keep this up. What happened to the woman that used to enjoy life and actually get out there and live it? Oh, yeah...drink drink drink, glug glug glug. Gosh, I can't believe I'm actually alive and able to walk, talk and see. All I have to do is keep trudging...maybe soon then it'll be walking...and running...I want my life of glory back!!!!!

splendra

The greatest of journeys start with one step. Here is hoping you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and begin again.((((((firestorm090)))))) I am on your side.

CarolD

How I finally quit drinking and
have not returned to alcohol for 20 years.

I too had been drinking for many years.
The last 5 I consider I had slid into alcoholism.

Depression was my daily shadow.
I detested the woman I had become....

When I was diagnosed with situational depression
my doctor suggested AA.

Off I went...but did not stay sober.
I was in and out like a darn Yo-yo!

4 years later...still drinking off and on
I read a book ......."under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham.

Wow! I was not hexed...or crazy or doomed ..
My brain and liver were no longer processing alcohol correctly!
The only solution was absteince.
I did de tox with a friend...not knowing it was dangerous.
4 days later...I was alcohol free.

I re connected with AA....I got back to my God
and have found much joy and a deep serenity.

I share my journey with the hope someone who is
still suffering from alcoholism will find their answer.

Forward we go..side by side...

Fubarcdn

It is great that you are back here today Firestorm and feeling a little remorseful.
You knew it wasn't going to be easy and it isn't.
Really wanting to quit, and I believe you do, is half the battle but unfortunately it is the easiest half.
I suggest you print this post and your original post and put it in your wallet and when you get the urge to drink t least read the posts before and make a conscious decision. Remember how bad you felt and maybe you won't want to feel that way again.
I will always be here to support you and encourage you.
Good luck.

KenL

That is a wonderful story CarolD. May I suggest another book, Beyond the Influence by Ketcham and Asbury. It is the follow up to the book you listed. It includes more recent research regarding alcoholism. It discusses the geneology of the disease with more depth and cites other research that explains why we alcoholics simply cannot drink.

firestorm, I feel for you and I really hope you get a foothold on sobriety. That goes for all the rest here who have been so honest and are still struggling with abstinence

Peace,
Ken

Samsonsworld

I understand that a little too well. All I can say is if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. You just need to find a way to quit that works for you. I hope you keep looking.

firestorm090

Hi All,

Well, It's a little after 8am and I'm on my second cup of coffee. The replies from all of you are really great, the support here is just wonderful, especially for an old drunk like me. After reading all of your comments, I feel I'm not alone with this problem and I'm going to try to start fresh today. I've given my wallet to a friend of mine, thinking if I don't have access to cash, ATM, or credit cards, I might make it through today without a drink. Sometimes I need help to help me help myself. Hey, where did that come from, that sounds just about right.

Thanks to all of you for being in my corner. My head is pounding this morning, so I'll check back in later today. I think I'll just stick with coffee for now.

C23

The best thing about this site is it is filled with people, like myself, who have stumbled with sobriety for a long time. Big deal. You drank. The important thing is that as soon as you got home from the bar, you decided you needed to share and get on SR. That shows that deep down inside you really want to stop. That is the first step towards a sober life. Please just remember the old cliches of one day at a time and baby steps and that today is another day.

Music man

Firestorm: Just by being here makes you a better person, just by knowing, and having the want. I had a short drunk life only 6 years but before that is was drugs.
Today is the longest period of sobriety I've had in 16 years, I am sober 15 days.
I too said today I'm not going to drink a million times but did.
the biggest thing is knowing and you know. Soon as you know you can start doing something, and thats what your doing.
wewe here to walk with you and support you.

mamabin

Lots of water you guys, lots of water!!!
Like I should talk sitting here with my second coffee.

Music man

doesn't coffee have water in it?

Horselover

Do you think you might need medical help for detoxing? I only ask because you say its been 30 years of active drinking. Your body has gotten quite accustomed to it. Mine had too.

I had to change habits and the biggest one was finding something to do at 4 pm everyday. Between 4 and 5 pm is when I would pour the "first" glass of wine every day. I couldn't be near the kitchen at that time for the first week or so. I like how you gave your money and cards to a friend. That was a great step.

I also drank A LOT of juice the first few days and ate when I was hungry. I did find that I craved when I was hungry.

We are here for you and if you need help during the cravings please don't be afraid to come here and post for help. You will get a lot of support and actually that's what pulled me through in the beginning was this support system.