Just 45 days sober Then drunk again
 

but those 45 days were the best. I drank yesterday afternoon and drank tonight, no major fallout except heartbreak I am sure for my 15 year old.
We are so super close, and she loathes the addiction... Dec.29 was my old
sober date and hopefully Feb,14th will be my new one. Heck, I might
have love on my side!! You know, valentines and all. Just meaning the date.
I think I drank because I missed my Chardonnay so much that I could taste
it and instead of changing my mind,( I have six days off from work and talked
myself into drinking before I even thought it over.) I had no sleep from the night before because I work the midnight shift and my daughter was home sick and I was watching over her diligently.( she has autoimmune hepatitis)
but was only sick with a bug yet I thought she was showing symptoms of
a comprimised liver situation. ( slight yellowing of the eyes and she had greenish bowl movements). I was overtired and went out to get her oranges
and dark chocolate, got those and stopped to get my wine. I was wondering
if they were thinking, "Where has she been for 6 weeks". Then I was next
planning how I was going to drink it without my child knowing. Luckily, she
fell asleep after taking Melatonin,(which she uses to help sleep on occasion)-
of course I suggested this. SO I COULD DRINK MY WINE. I was so excited.
Tonight she told me she knew I had drank last night.... this was after she
caught me trying to take my husbands whiskey bottle from under the table
where he supposedly hides it. ( He is NOT alcoholic ) Anyways, I thought
I got away with drinking that one itty bitty bottle( .750). No way!!!!
I guess what i have to say is.... I just didn't want to stay sober enough.
I took the opportunity of knowing I have off until next week, no work
to go to. I also have to admit that I don't have much going for me and
get bored or am bored. My marriage is over although we are still in it. I
drink to feel alive. Seriously, I am ok with it except I feel like sh*t physically
and mentally when I delve deep inside, alcohol will be my downfall and
is my death disguised as my friend. How do you say goodbye goodbye to
something you love so much? arghhhh.. sorry for the ramble. It is late here in the east coast, thanks for having a forum to talk and be listened to.
Back tomorrow for day one!

Best thing is you can totally start again tomorrow.

This is unfortunate and the feelings you are feeling seem to momick most of the people that drink again. I haven't messed up yet and it is messages like yours that help prevent me from doing it.
Every case is similar in that at the time it is what is wanted with a feeling of anticipation and it ends in feeling physically ill and mentally remorseful for a day or two afterwords.
It has led me to know that THE GOING UP AIN'T WORTH THE COMING DOWN.
It is good that you have come to a similar conclusion. Reread your post when the wine comes a calling next time and you will no doubt make a wiser decision.
Good luck.

pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Those 45 days are not erased. Get back on the wagon with the intent to beat that record. This time around 45 days will feel that much easier to accomplish again because you have already done it. Do not take this as being a relapse. Call it as a slip, and move on.

Defo those days are not wasted! This time make sure you work some sort of program to ensure you don't drink again would make sense though, keep going:-)

Hi bosox,
I loved the booze, too but I would be dead if I hadn't put it down. Lke the others said, today's a new day. It's Valentine's Day, and as you said, that could be an easy sobriety date to remember!

One other blessing of the day which you might appreciate judging from your screen name - pitchers and catchers report today!! And Varitek's in the fold!! Hope springs eternal.

Good luck today and everyday from a fellow Bay Stater.

Mike in Boston

I had six months sober and relapsed - my own stupid fault. Do whatever you need to do to get and stay sober, be it detox, rehab, counseling - get help to stay sober. It can be done, I'm proof of that, but I'm also proof that all my hard work could be undone. Now I'm trying to get it right again. You can too. Get help, please. Sobriety is so much worth it and I want to get there again.:ghug3

Think of it as 45 steps forward and 2 steps back - not bad. Now get moving forward again. JT :drillserg

Just start your sober time again
:hug:

to least and bosox bunny. i've just finished up 12 days. but last spring i went over 100 days before i foolishly thought i could be a responsible drinker.

i have friends who are. they can go out a couple times a week and have a few beers. i do not have that makeup. at first i can do it but before long i'm buying a 1.75 litre bottle of vodka and drinking from it every night. and feeling like sh!t in the mornings.

promising i'll never drink again. body starts feeling better around noon. light lunch of soup. by 4:00 i feel good enough to drink again, forgetting how i felt that morning.

least.....please stop beating yourself up. you made it 6 months sober so that makes you a god to some folks that stop by this site. if you did it once, you can do it again. i will be praying for you and thinking of you and hoping you can brag on yourself for your days sober in equal degree to how you beat yourself up for your slips. the fact that you stick around here and confess your shortcomings leads me to believe you do want to stay clean.

bosoxbunny, 45 days is awesome. start a new one today and in 45 days you can say, i've only drank 1 time in the last 90 days. that would be a pretty awesome accomplishment for anyone that comes to this site.

i struggled mightily with the urge last night but just got on here and it gave me the strength to not go get something to drink.

and of course your child knew. they're not dummies and they have watched us abuse ourselves. i can't go back and erase the times i'm sure i've embarassed my children with my vodka breath in front of their friends. i beat myself up over the good childhood my boys should have had more than anything.

but my goal is to give them a father in the future that is clear headed and can give them the good advice that young men need.

sorry this got so long but my heart breaks for both of you and i'm here for either of you if you need a friend.

Just look at it this way. Out of the last 46 days you only drank on one of them. Also, consider apologizing to your daughter if you think you should.

I'm sorry to hear about the marriage issue, perhaps couples counseling could help with that. Divorce is a terrible thing. I have been through it. If you think there is still hope for the marriage then please do something now to enliven it with hope.

Finally, there are so many other things you can do to feel alive. There have been threads on here that give tons of examples you could do other than drinking that will make you feel alive. They are in the newcomers forum but you'll have to dig deep.

Peace,
Ken