change4penny

Today is truly Friday the 13th. In the last hour, I've come closer than ever to using since I've been clean...140 days. I found that my husband has lost his job. His company is closing its doors. I also found out that our insurance benefits ended 12/31/08 due to nonpayment by the company he worked for. I've been on Suboxone, but now with no insurance, there's no way I will be able to see the doctor, let alone pay for the Sub....it's $400 for 60 per month. I don't know if I'm going to be able to fight this, this time.

lunarise

Change, hang in there....using isnt the only option! It may not seem like it now but you never know what could come your way in the next week/month etc. Take care of yourself...do the best you can to honor the time and energy you have put into being clean. Are there any low cost clinics in your town? State health insurance? DONT GIVE UP! Ill be thinking of you.:ghug3

yeahgr8

Wow don't do it, imagine starting on day 1 again that would suck!

TTOSBT

Change,
Take a breath. Take 30.
Let's think this through....
You can't afford to use! It is only going to make everything worse and it will NOT help anything about your situation.
I know what you are going through. My company went belly up. My last day was December 15 but I was only paid through November 14th. The health insurance was cancelled October 1st for non payment and I had no idea. I have over$1000.00 in medical bills for the last 3 months of the year.

Pray (if you do). Cry, vent, post. Go to a meeting if you do meetings. Call another person in recovery. This is one of those times that you will have to take it minute by minute. But once you get to the other side sober you will be SO much stronger for it.
I truly do know what you are going through. I have gone through the same. Things are all coming together for me now as I have walked through this. I have 9 months of sobriety. I got a new job and I petitioned for health insurance. Please PM me if there is anything you have questions about. There is help out there. But you have to be sober to take the steps to get the help.

:ghug3

least

Don't let yourself relapse, I did recently and it's so not worth it. Please check out all state, local, and federal programs. THey are out there, but you sometimes have to look hard for them. Be strong, please. I was weak and threw it all away for that moment of weakness. I'm sorry this is happening to you. You could also call/write your state and federal senators/representatives - as well as local tv stations. Call attention to your plight and you may find help that way.

:ghug3

Anna

:praying

I am sorry for you and your family in this situation, but of course, staying clean is going to be the best choice for a solution.

Mattcake

Change, the situation you describe is really bad, but please realize that using drugs won't change it - it would only add more problems to your life, at a time when you need to be strong and lucid. Every single thing on your list is a reason to NOT use. Pause for a moment and think... and write off using drugs as an option. Keep reaching out, remember that you're not alone.

Horselover

You do definitely have a lot on your plate and such good advice has already been offered. Please don't use and add that to the list you carry. It only makes the bad worse. I am sorry you are experiencing all this though. Prayers going up for you and your husband.

Dee74

great advice here - pls take it
(((c4p)))

D

aasharon90

I learned that I never have to go
thru anything in life again by myself.

And I shared that with my kids
when they were in school and
were afraid to ask for help with
worry about not wanting to
disturb anybody.

I told them that ud be surprised
at how many people would be willing
to help. Gladly to help.

Just ask and see......sure enough
they did and they passed their
test and course.

Same thing here.

Just by sharing what is going on
with you, people that may have
been thru what ur going thru
will help by sharing their own
experience strength and hope.

Someone will have a suggestion
to help. There's always a solution
to every problem.

Continue sharing here and asking
questions.

Thanks for letting me share.

CoF1984

While this is definitely devestating for you and your family and so difficult to go through and handle I have faith in you that if you do whatever it takes to stay strong you can make it through this. You have 140 days. Keep asking yourself if using and losing all you have worked so hard for worth losing and have to go back through all that hard work all over again. It'll definitely be hard, using to escape reality for "the moment" seems nice, but when you sober up everything will still be there, and on top of it still being there you may possibly have to go through it all while going through withdraw (maybe) and it'll be a lot easier to handle without that added on. Hopefully you can find in your local area some kind of low cost program that can help you, or work out something with your DR. If I need meds from my DR. I work out a plan for payments with him and he gives me enough of the 'free samples' of whatever med I need but it for flu, pnuemonia, whatever for as long as I need it for. It's just a thought and an idea, maybe you could ask and find out some info. Hope this was helpful. I'm praying for you and your family that all will work out.
Wes

:praying

change4penny

Thanks...I went as far as to "make a call" to the "man". My husband is still out of town...no one will know. The shame and guilt I have for going this far and actually calling! I just don't think I'd make it back if I use. I'm just not someone that can relapse and make it back. I'm so scared of where my mind has taken me. I'm going to get on my knees and pray that I make it through this. My HP is my only hope right now.

Horselover

Good idea. Don't mind if I join you do you? Its a great idea and it WILL work!!

James13

Concentrate on the now. Live the moment. You have made it this far, and like some have said here, using is not the only other option. The more times like this when you can say NO to using, the stronger you will become.

And keep posting your feelings, and express how you feel to some sober friends or family. If they are hard to find, keep letting us know how you are doing.

I have faith in you.

Peace.

shaun00

ill also be praying with you..

Some great advice here..........no matter how attractive using seems.......it always has a bad ending...

Keep posting and sharing.........trucker