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undecided about AA?

Old 02-13-2009, 03:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I am not singling out anyone here so if it doesn't apply to you, let it fly on by. But I'd like to share one of the biggest reasons that all of my attempts at Recovery never worked before.

I didn't want to be honest with myself.

I thought that because I never physically or sexually abused my Son that I was a good Mom. He wore the best clothes, had the most expensive, newest toys on the market and I gave him just about everything he ever wanted. Except me.

I didn't have time for him until I got a mess of pills in me. When he was a baby, there were times when I would finally find someone who had the drug I was trying to find and he had a dirty diaper. Did I stop to change him? Nope. I took him out with a loaded diaper. I'll change him later, I told myself.

I could go on and on with the list, but what I'm trying to get at here is that we need to be honest about what our addiction lead us to do. How many times were we low on money for groceries but still found money to buy a bottle or didn't pay all of the electric bill in order to buy that 12 pack? How many times did we yell at our kids for being too loud watching cartoons on Saturday morning because we had the hangover from hell? And then that very evening, we expected our kids to play a video game with us after we had a few drinks. This is confusing and hurtful to kids and other family members.

Just because we didn't physically or mentally abuse our families doesn't mean our addiction didn't cause them hurt and pain.

What does this have to do with honesty? For me, I minimized what this disease of addiction did to those around me. I couldn't imagine how my getting drunk and high effected my family and close friends.

And what does this have to do with Meetings? I wonder how many individuals out there who "dog" AA just don't want to take a serious and honest look at themselves.

Thanks for letting me share my feelings and thoughts,
Judy
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:28 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well, from my experiences from all of two meetings I've had a real positive experience and really positive people going to the two meetings I've been to. I'm not saying they'll all be great or they'll all be horrible, but it seems with the AA group I'm going to seems to be a good one. Not a bunch of people b!tching and moaning, they'll tell their story but also through a lot of good stuff in there, too so that you can see while at one point it was bad but can get better. To me it doesn't seem to be "dumbed down" so to speak, then again when it comes to learning most anything I don't get a whole lot out of discussing unless it's a lot simpler than "dumbed down". I'm not big on learning verbally or by listening, I'm more of a visual hands on kinda guy. So they could make these discussions a lot simpler for me to grasp.

But try a couple more meetings or however many more you feel is appropiate and maybe try a different recovery process with another group. Keep checking into different things until you find what you feel is best for you. What works for one may not work for another. Just keep trying until you find what works for you. Just my opinion though and I hope it was helpful. If not I'm sorry and just tell me to stfu or something. lol
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:32 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I learned to ask for help. I stuck around people that were living sober happy lives. Its all about experience and listening to how other people got sober and are living sober through whatever life throws at them. Its true there is no one in charge as such, thank God. I am responsible for my own behaviour. little sayings are great sometimes ....but sometimes they can be thrown around a lot ... There are those that talk the talk and there are those too that walk the walk. If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths...think about getting a sponser and try the steps. Good rwishes
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:57 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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There is much more to AA than going to meetings imo..

Undecided is ok........but please dont decide until you have try a few different meetings.

like nelco says.....get a sponsor......ask to be taken through the steps.

There no one in charge...your right.....but thats for a good reason.

Have you got a copy of the aa traditions.......it will explain alot.

If it dont work for you...ok thats fine....try another support group.

But before you decide take a while to look at the big picture....

thankyou for your post...i admire your honesty...........trucker
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:36 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I was about 3 months sober before I went to AA. It came down to me thinking, ok I feel great, I'm not drinking, but is this all there is? Just not drinking? I started wondering why I drank, what I was doing by drinking and did I still want to behave that way?

I agree with Rob. Read the Big Book. Find out if it's about you. If it is, then get a sponsor and work the Steps.
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Wink

i have had my struggles with A.A. but TODAY i know it saved my life.. and has opened the door to a life i never thought i could have.. i live just ONE day at a time and i LOVE IT!!!!
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:41 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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HardWired,

You seem to experience some pressure to either accept AA or reject it. Maybe that's in keeping with your "all or nothing" personality CarolD recalled.

I would encourage you to see AA as a group of like-minded people (just like us here at SR) working toward a common goal. We have strengths and faults like any group. Sometimes we meet our goals and sometimes we fall a little flat. Many times, we are moved by each other and we speak passionately and find that we do some good. Other times, we read and read and don't know what to say or how to help.

AA is just like that. It's not a state-sponsored, state-funded program aimed at reprogramming drunks and making them into productive robots.

AA is not anything in and of itself. AA is the people who choose to sit around those tables and share and listen and hopefully make a difference. If not for anyone else, than for themselves alone.

If I went into my AA home room and expected the others to pitch their perfect, charming, and intelligent reasons for me to stay sober - designed specifically to address my situation and avoid any of my little pet peeves - of course I could happily say, "Nope. Nope. This program is not for me!" Because they would never get it right.

AA is just a bunch of drunks determined to do the best they can to stay sober and to stay in recovery. We don't have any special training! We don't know any big secrets to use to appeal to you! We are hoping you will throw your lot in with us because, well, because the more people we have, the stronger we are.

When their is finger-pointing and disappointment and rigidity, someone always seems to step forward and make a gentle statement about keeping things on track and staying on topic.

At the end of the meeting, I have hugs and smiles and encouragement and then I'm out the door! And I always leave feeling so much more hopeful. And frequently I leave feeling as if I've gotten an epiphany that is going to hlep me in my recovery.

And this is all free. The only thing it costs me is my participation without overt casting of judgement or finding fault. Just participate for a little while and see what you can contribute. Instead of standing back in the wings making fun of others and what you think they are perhaps not doing right.

Good luck to you! Sobriety is fun no matter how you get there!
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:47 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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mle-sober: thank you for that excellent post.. very well said!
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:37 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hey, Hardwired. I don't think there's much to add to all that has been mentioned above; I'll agree that different AA groups have different vibes, and in my experience some are okay for me, and some just don't fit. And yes, mix & match is definitely a great idea.

One of the issues I had with AA was the rigidity I found when I had a sponsor; she didn't seem to really hear me, but just kept telling me to "do what she does/did" and then I would succeed. I know that this is usual and even true for many; however, she was a completely different character than I am, and I felt I would've been more successful in working with her if she would have opened up and heard more of what was inside of me (she kept saying it was the same for everyone when they were new...since when is anyone the same as all others?). I stopped using her as my sponsor, went to different meetings in different towns, and finally found one that didn't grate my nerves whenever I went in.

I haven't been back to AA in years, and although I think about finding a meeting place or two near my new home, I'm not sure I'm ready to approach that route. I am so fortunate for having the love of a couple of incredible friends who encourage and support me (naturally, without judgement) and my boyfriend, who has seen me at some of my worst, is being loving, supportive and helpful. In fact, it was he who found this forum, and I must say...SR ROCKS! This place is great, and I plan to be around for a while. In regards to that last, thanks to everybody!

Good luck, go with your flow, and remember why you want to stay clear and clean. Your own heart, with honesty and committment to yourself, will guide you like no one else possibly could. After all, no one has to "live with me the way I do."
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Old 02-14-2009, 08:07 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by 24hrsAday View Post
mle-sober: thank you for that excellent post.. very well said!
Yeah excellent!
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Old 02-14-2009, 09:20 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I don't know if my first meeting was a turning point or if I was just ready to face it. For me, once I went to AA, I'd be committed to sobriety and I swore I'd never go. My car is full of bumper stickers and cliche's, but I sure won't put one on there that says One Day At A Time or Let Go And Let God. I thought the second A means anonymous. What bothers me the most is that they say they're not about religion, but at the end of the meeting I found myself in an awkward position, holding hands while they recited the Lord's Prayer. That's the one thing that will keep me away. And no, you're not an athiest just because you don't follow cristrianity.
Sorry to turn the subject, but that religion part really bothered me, and I'm sure I can't be the only one.
Hey sfgirl, I have the book Sober For Good buried here somewhere. I never read it because I never intended on being sober for good. Thanks, I'm going to go dig it out.
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Old 02-14-2009, 10:03 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mamabin View Post
And no, you're not an athiest just because you don't follow cristrianity.
You say that like being an atheist is a bad thing.
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Old 02-15-2009, 01:12 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Update!

When I started this thread, it was my paranoid addictive personalty taking over. My thoughts were all over the place about AA, I even thought it might be cult related. ( again many years on drugs has developed a paranoid way of thinking, now much of that suppressed but still there.)

I have gone to another meeting and talked to my sponsor, I have realized that AA is a God send and is why I can claim 16 days sober now.
I am decided on AA now, and I decided that is great vehicle to my lifetime of sobriety. Thanks all
AA personally recommended to everybody by Hardwired Flaws!!~!!
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Old 02-15-2009, 01:46 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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AA helped me a lot in early recovery and it will again I'm sure. There are some aspects (and some members and meetings) I don't care for so I don't attend those. I have several others I do like and get a lot out of, so those are the ones I go to. And at the end, during the lord's prayer, I say nothing and no one says anything to me about it. AA IS a spiritual group with a lot of religious members, in my opinion. But I still like and depend on parts of it.

There are many other recovery programs out there, and many of us have stayed sober without any 'program' at all.
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Old 02-15-2009, 04:31 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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When I was 21 and had only been drinking for 7 years, my friends and family did an "intervention" on me and convinced me to go into a 4 week, dual-diagnosis program.

I took the mental health part of the program but angrily rejected the substance abuse part of the program.

I viewed the AA meetings in the hospital with contempt and disdain. I thought it was sort of fake sobriety going around. Like the king with no clothes - no one wanted to admit they didn't see it.

After my treatment program, I stayed sober for a few weeks.

I didn't get sober again for 18 more years.

I don't remember questioning AA. I just went. And I stayed because it gave me the only tiny shred of hope that I had. I just offered myself up. I just went and said, "please tell me what to do."

I look back at the first time I was offered recovery through AA when I was 21. And I feel sad. All that time wasted, all those people hurt, all that stupidity.

I don't care how we get and stay sober. If AA works for you, then that is a wonderful and amazing thing. If it doesn't and you find sobriety another way, that is equally wonderful and amazing. It's not the program or the steps you take. It's the acheivement of sobriety. That's what's so important.

Good for you, Hardwired, for taking the next right step. Good for you for stepping forward into recovery.
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