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Hmmm, should I be feeling this way?

Old 02-16-2009, 10:04 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
mle-sober
 
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ElChupacabra,

You sound as if you are in the Attempting to Control stage. I spent about 9 months there. It was after I made my initial, mild (and very reluctant) aknowledgement that I had a "drinking problem."

So I went on this binge of limiting how much I allowed myself to drink in one day; balancing it out the next day if I drank more than I'd intended; marking lines on bottles to remind myself where I was supposed to stop (never worked); taking days off drinking; justifying days that I drank more with whatever events were happening that day, etc.

Do you really think that if you don't drink for 3 weeks or 4 weeks that you have then somehow prepared your body for drinking again?

Your body feels like cr@p because you are abusing it with chronic aloholism. The only solution is to stop drinking. From everything I've heard and read, relapses only get worse.

I would encourage you to recognize that you are not actually controlling your drinking. Your drinking is controlling you.

Initial sobriety was terrifying for me. Recovery has been both the most difficult thing I've ever done and one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. (Right up there with becoming a mom.) I hope you find your path to recovery.

- mle
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Old 02-16-2009, 10:22 AM
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Sorry friend im bit confused.....

Are you saying your alcoholic???.......

In my experience ive never seen a problem drinker/alcoholic return to " normal"
drinking....ever...that dont mean it dont happen but ive never seen it.

Maybe your bodys trying to tell you.....not to drink at all.

but i have seen alot of...........total abstinance from alcohol.

As i said im a bit confused as to where your coming from or trying to get to.

As for controlled drinking...i have no idea how to do it......and never will.

Any how.........best wishes to you......................trucker
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Old 02-16-2009, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by ElChupacabra View Post
Well, I did it and I drank on Friday, Saturday and yesterday. I feel really listless this morning and am struggling to stop yawning at my desk here. However, I meant what I said a couple days back. I am now giving up the sauce for a minimum of three weeks, and who knows, perhaps for good.

So my friends, today is day one and my biggest problem thus far is major faitgue. I wish I was in bed!
That sauce is poison. I'm on 1day and feel crappy. I decided to exercise and sweat all that out........Maybe that will make the hang over alot smoother. I'm praying this time, it sticks for me and you. It's not easy for me but I have to keep trying........
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:06 AM
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If I drink any--at all--any more, I really feel sick the next day. My body simply can't take alcohol any more, ElChupacbra. Perhaps your body is trying to tell you the same.

We are lucky that we have jobs in which we want to remain competitive/productive: wanting to do more, accomplish more, than I can when my brain is fuzzy is a great motivator to stay off this stuff. I need every one of the brain cells that remain ; - )

I have to tell you though, I have gone back and forth with the decision to quit for over a year now: what a waste of time (and brain cells). I cannot control my drinking for an extended period of time; it only gets worse; and life is ticking by. There's no discussion about this for me (to myself) anymore. I know it to be true.

It is so simple, I know: we simply don't pick up that first drink. (I picked up my last drink on Feb. 13, and I want it to be my last, last.)

Best of luck with this, ElChupacbra. Let's both keep posting.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:18 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Yeah, I know that the concept of managing the stuff may be a pipe dream and that in reality my body can no longer handle the stuff. I'm just a bit dissapointed in a way that I have ended up being one of those people. I always assumed I would be able to lead a balanced life and enjoy a light drink as I moved into retirement. I guess that will no longer be the case and that dissapoints me greatly. I suppose I am being a fool.
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Old 02-17-2009, 06:41 AM
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Pretty much everything I've done or planned for the last 20 years to relax or have fun revolved around alcohol. You're no more a fool than me.



lol! Now that I think about it. Not sure that's a compliment!
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:22 AM
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Not a fool.........just maybe underestimating alcoholism a little.

Its hard to understand in the begining because we are all different in some respect.

Some drink 24.7...some binge..some only drink wine...some drink anything.

We all have one similar theme........once we start drinking...we have no idea when we are gonna stop.

We commence drinking with all the intensions of having a few...only too find we drink far more.

This is a suggestion only......

If you are in doubt of your alcoholism...or not..

Go out and have one or two drinks and stop abruptly..

Stop completely for a couple of weeks.

If you cant do any of these.........then i would suggest its a problem.

i like to compare my drinking with my wifes because she is the perfect example of a social drinker.

She may have a bottle of wine and it lasts about a weekish....she will not drink to get drunk(weird)lol........

She does not get hungover.........and she very often goes weeks on end without a drink........and doesnt realize she has gone weeks on end without a drink.

hopes this helps my friend........

Self honesty time.........is it a problem?...........

Life can be good without booze.....

trucker
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:33 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by trucker View Post
Not a fool.........just maybe underestimating alcoholism a little.

Its hard to understand in the begining because we are all different in some respect.

Some drink 24.7...some binge..some only drink wine...some drink anything.

We all have one similar theme........once we start drinking...we have no idea when we are gonna stop.

We commence drinking with all the intensions of having a few...only too find we drink far more.

This is a suggestion only......

If you are in doubt of your alcoholism...or not..

Go out and have one or two drinks and stop abruptly..

Stop completely for a couple of weeks.

If you cant do any of these.........then i would suggest its a problem.

i like to compare my drinking with my wifes because she is the perfect example of a social drinker.

She may have a bottle of wine and it lasts about a weekish....she will not drink to get drunk(weird)lol........

She does not get hungover.........and she very often goes weeks on end without a drink........and doesnt realize she has gone weeks on end without a drink.

hopes this helps my friend........

Self honesty time.........is it a problem?...........

Life can be good without booze.....

trucker
Well, that's the thing that confuses sometimes. I can just stop abruptedly and I do go weeks without a drink. So by that standard I'm not a serious alcoholic, but I know in my heart of hearts that part of the reason that I am abloe to do that is because I force myself not to drink, which to me says something different from how it used to be in the old days when I wouldn't think twice about needing another drink and just stop.
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Old 02-17-2009, 09:23 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ElChupacabra View Post
Well, that's the thing that confuses sometimes. I can just stop abruptedly and I do go weeks without a drink. So by that standard I'm not a serious alcoholic, but I know in my heart of hearts that part of the reason that I am abloe to do that is because I force myself not to drink, which to me says something different from how it used to be in the old days when I wouldn't think twice about needing another drink and just stop.

Sounds to me like you got a great openminded attitude towards it all anyway.

Which is fantastic...

you said......."i have to force myself not to drink"....great bit of self honesty.

I dont believe that normal drinkers force themselves not to drink.

So i think youve hit the nail on the head.

Its not a huge problem............but it is a problem..

There is a story in the big book....about a guy that had problems with booze.

Booze started to effect his career path so he stopped....for years.

Apon retirement he took out the pipe and slippers and started to drink.

Drank himself to death within a couple of years...

why...because he didnt realize that his alcoholism never goes away...just sits there waiting.......for the next drink...however long it takes...

Astinance is the only solution to the alcoholic dilema...imo

Maybe...just dont label yourself.........just dont drink because it "MAY" be a problem.

And it aint all bad.....after a while it will begin to feel normal not to drink.

Yeah...it may be awkward at first........but with time.............


I admire your self honesty and opemminedness............trucker
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:45 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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^ Well, that's it really isn't it. Its at the stage now when I know I'm treading a very fine line between it becoming a serious problem and leading me to need to drink at work, etc.

I find the biggest problem is the depression the alcohol generates. For me its worse then the withdrawals and the depression makes me feel as if I just want to chuck myself off a bridge and end it all as it adds the physical symptoms of depression, such as the weakness, lethargy and lack of enthusiasm. So this means sometimes I don't want to not drink because I know that the alternative for the day is to feel like life is not worth living and so I go days until I feel bad enough when sober that I have no choice but to avoid drinking. Its a bad cycle and truth is I'm not sure I can go through it many more times, if at all. My life outside of this problem is quite good, but when I fall into these ruts I find that the withdrawls are even worse to deal with as a result of finding myself feeling awful again.
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:04 AM
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With all due respect to Trucker who is very wise and compassionate, I myself think that "a problem is a problem is a problem." Call it a small problem. Call it a big problem. In a way, calling it a problem at all is like saying you have an "injury" when in fact you've been permanently paralyzed.

Just not drinking doesn't, by the way, make it better.

That's what we call "white knuckling it."

In my experience, and in the experience of many people I've talked with, the beginning of your recovery (and YES, it is recovery!) is fully surrendering. Admitting you are powerless over alcohol. And, with that step, you really can begin the journey to miraculously recover your life. You never recover your ability to drink. But you do recovery the freedom from cravings. You can recover your spiritual zest. Your joy. You can throw away your preoccupation with alcohol. You can get better.

But you don't recover in the way I'm talking about by merely making a decision based in will-power that you will no longer drink.

BTW - I completely commiserate with you over the feelings of dejection. I HATE the fact that I'm al alcoholic. I would, literally, be willing to give my leg away if I could drink like a normal person. But isn't that percisely evidence of the fact that I would never be able to drink like a normal person?!

It's utterly understandable to all of us here that you would be feeling resentful that you find yourself in this situation. But if can enter true recovery, your resentment can lesson and maybe even lift altogether. I only feel is sometimes these days - it's not a nagging dark-grey feeling hanging over me any more.

Take those first steps, my friend. I'm an AA person and it's saved my life. But there are many ways to recover. I just hope that you really do go for the gold of recovery instead of the frustration of trying to control your drinking or stop without learning other tools to help you address the real problem.

Because, you know the real problem isn't the drink, right?
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:22 AM
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Has anyone found that your body reaches a point where it really begins to reject the alcohol? I'm 24 and consider myself to be a binge drinker. Over the past 6 months of attempted sobriety I have found whenever I return to drinking, the hangovers are worse...my mental state is worse...I essentially feel physically worse each time. I've never considered myself to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms even at my worst...but I'm really starting to feel as though my body is telling me more than ever to STOP.

This may seem like common sense to some...but it has never really occurred to me until today...I just assumed maybe my tolerance was lower...
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Lindsay View Post
Has anyone found that your body reaches a point where it really begins to reject the alcohol? I'm 24 and consider myself to be a binge drinker. Over the past 6 months of attempted sobriety I have found whenever I return to drinking, the hangovers are worse...my mental state is worse...I essentially feel physically worse each time. I've never considered myself to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms even at my worst...but I'm really starting to feel as though my body is telling me more than ever to STOP.

This may seem like common sense to some...but it has never really occurred to me until today...I just assumed maybe my tolerance was lower...
Sounds to me as if you're having adverse reactions that are, essentially, withdrawls. It's a posion and the body learns to adapt to its effects. Therefore when it's gona the next day the body has to do more work to go back to normal. You're confusing it with the regular shift in what it assumes is normality. Best you listen to your body now than get to the stage that the rest of us are at with nasty withdrawls.
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:26 PM
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i had night sweats for a couple of nights but ive been eating a ton of salad and drinking tea and taking multi vitamins. and chocolate. so tasty. on day 4, which doesnt seem like much, but is a lot for me, considering i drank every single day :P
i feel pretty great now. mmmmm tea
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Old 02-19-2009, 02:38 AM
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Well, after downing a bottle of wine on my original day 1, Thursday, I made day one yesterday. But boy, am I feeling bad today. I've having a really bad withdrawl this time around. Although I had a good night's sleep last night I have woken up this morning with all manner of bad feelings. I have blurred vision, nausea, physical weakness, pains in my fingers, serious dizziness, faigue, chronic yawning and the repeated desire to go to the toilet. Worst of all I've come into work (quite simply I cannot risk not doing so any more). I'm desperate to go for a drink but know I have to try and ride it out.

God, I don't know if I can do it. I so badly want to cry.
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:20 AM
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Well, don't feel quite as bad at the moment after grabbing a sandwich. I have this horrible feeling that I'd going to pass out asleep any minute. The back of my head feels like I am straining with all my energies to stay awake.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:53 AM
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Glad you're still here. Keep at it. Wish you'd see a doctor....
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Old 02-20-2009, 02:02 AM
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I don't feel I need to see a doctor. I know what needs to be done. I've just got to see my way through the bad feelings. I'm on day 3 now. Feeling a bit rough this morning but seeing a marginal improvement. The biggest problem I have in chronic fatigue. I keep getting this feeling at the back of my neck that I am going to fall asleep at any minute. The worst part of it is having to work through it. I'm hoping that way good sleep this weekend days 4 & 5 will be pretty easy to get through in comparison to the last few days, and by Monday I should hopefully be pretty much back to normal.

It's a struggle right now though. The depression is worse than normal as I'm just at the stage that I am tired of feeling like you know what.
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:42 AM
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What kind of tools and support do you have to help you? Other than SR?
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by mle-sober View Post
What kind of tools and support do you have to help you? Other than SR?
My bed.....this coming evening!!
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