Draggin my miserable butt back through the door
 

I did exactly what i didn't want to do....... Drank!!!!! :c004:

I asked my mum to not have beer here for my visiting... said i wasn't drinking... got here and theres a casse of beer sitting and 3 cold ones in the fridge.
My mind has been playing tricks on me... first it tells me i can do this.... then it says "well a couple of drinks wont hurt".... now it says... "just finish the crate and the problem will go away" no more beer to look at.
When i think about it logically i know this isn't the case but i so want it to be.I think/beleive i set myself up to fall..... My minds playing tricks on me something rotten just now.
I wish i wass back home where i can get real support.
I found a meeting here, but they are only on Thursday and Friday nights.... I am planning to go.
In the mean time my mind is saying/ battling between.... "now that i've started drinking i might as well make the most of it before i stop again" and "come off it you know how hard it was to stop before.... who am i trying to kid".
If i want to stop i have to stop... no matter how much alcohol is in the house.
My head is trying to justify it like giving up cigs... finish the last in the pack before you stop.
As i said i thought about this for the crate of beer but then thought that maybe i should leave one for the hangover in the morning... when/where does it stop?

I didn't think i would be able to get online but have found my mum has a computer now "miracles do happen".

Im so sorry.............. what a waste of 3wks

Be well
louis

Wasn't a waste of three weeks if you're willing to go another three weeks then a day and keep trying. None of us are perfect and of course it's so easy to take that drink and keep going and stumble and fall. Just keep trying and I don't know how much it'll help, but I've always been told that the things in life that are worth anything are thing things worth working for. It'll take a lot of work to stay sober, but I'm on day 6 for me and it's been a lot of work, but very worth it to me. Don't give up on yourself at all. In general don't give up. Get yourself back on track and start over again. And this time you know what dirty little tricks the mind can play so maybe you can make up a game plan to attack them tricks head on without giving in. I'll be praying for you and hope it turns out well for you. Keep trying and don't give up! You CAN do it! :)
Wes

Don't beat yourself up Louis. You have nothing to be sorry to me about.
What counts is that you're aware--and ready to have a go again.
Try and stick around here if you're able.
Take care

Hi Louis

I remember your post saying that you were going and you didn't make it sound like it would be an easy time for you not to drink at all, i was really tempted to post that i would not go, but didn't...

You have put yourself in an almost impossible situation at a very early stage and you have drunk, that's the lesson to learn so just go to those meetings this week and get back on the path to recovery, not much for you to beat yourself up about or learn from in this case, IMO, other than stay away from any and all people or places that may even get you thinking about drinking. I associate seeing my Mum in Uk with wine drinking and have plenty of drinking buddies there to help me fall off the wagon, it is the last place i would ever consider going this year at least!

It really is the most odd of diseases we all have isn't it? A non'-alcoholic would take that case of beer and think hes hit the jackpot, finish the week and tell tales of how much he drank etc..for us it's a poison...just dont get too down about it and start again, at least you didn't have 3 years sober and then did it;-)

Hi Louis,

I hope you make the decision to stop drinking now and get back into recovery.

I could not be around alcohol or people who were drinking for a very long time when I began recovery. Use this experience as an opportunity to learn and to move forward.

Louis, we've all had a rough time getting started. All that matters is, you didn't use that slip as an excuse to go on a long binge (like I have in the past.) You came right back and got down to business once again. You have a great attitude and know what needs to be done. Onward and upward.

Second the thought..."you didn't waste 3 weeks.." Although it gives us drunks a reference point to see our accomplishments,helps us to put a geometric point on the calender of our sobriety...the number of days in a row you didn't drink matters less than the fight you put up when you fall eh?

3 weeks without is still three weeks without, if you fall, get back up and look forward to fighting the continuing fight. One day today, another tommorrow...don't drink today.

When we're not clouded with booze, we can deal with the underlying issues that trigger us to do the same. I can't get healthy unless I continue to fight the battle.

Peace today all.

not a waste my friend........just a hard leason to learn.

Maybe you did set yourself up...............your know next time.

And you still have a very strong desire to get and stay sober.....thats a gift from god imo.

Stay close to sr and keep sharing..

Your post will help many to be aware of pitfalls in early recovery..

my thoughts and prayers are with you my friend...........take care of yourself.

trucker

Waste of three weeks? There are some out there that would envy you, including myself, for being able to even go that long. Just stop drinking again and get right back to being sober. That is the beautiful thing about this war. You can always retreat and start another battle.

Thank you all.

I just need to think less and do more.
I need to stop drinking.
Make a plan.
Give myself things to do instead of picking up another drink.

Maybe i should use the distractions list i ask about :lmao

I tell you. If my brain worked properly.... I'd be dangerous!!!!!!

I cant make excuses. My mum is allowed to have alcohol in her house... and i chose to drink it.

Thank you for all your thoughts.

Be well
louis

Louis..... welcome back!

"Cunning, baffling & powerful"!!!!!.... that's alcohol! You haven't "wasted" anything! No one can take away the 3 wks of sobriety you had! This is a minute by minute dis-ease! Each minute, hour, day or week we have is HUGE! Alcoholics drink to get drunk, period. That's what we do and when we can put a few minutes together and NOT get toasted, that's a victory my friend! Glad you're here! I need ya!:ghug3

Louis:hug:.. I am glad you came back here to tell on your disease and I hope you are able to get back on that horse.
And as it has been said, your recovery time has not been a waste, just pick up right where you left off...

Kinda how a lot of us started out.
Sorry to hear what happened Louis. Live, learn and be kind to yourself.

thank you

I've got to say. Through the strenght ive gained on this site. I finally spilled my guts to my mum, and she was more unerstanding than i thought she would be.
I'm not sure she totally gets it but she is trying and that helps for what lays ahead.

Thank you for listening an d replying

Be well
louis

Good work Louis - I'm really pleased for you :)
The way you're nipping this in the bud is a great example for the rest of us.

D

That's great ...the more support the better.
:hug: and one for your Mum too...:hug: