So the AA guy brings me wine
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by Katie09 
Umm, there is NOTHING about contrived. It's the real deal, I swear on my mother's life.
There are so many AA zealots in this thread, I don't know what to say. Try going to your first meeting 32 years ago and come back and talk to me.
There are so many AA zealots in this thread, I don't know what to say. Try going to your first meeting 32 years ago and come back and talk to me.
Again - if I was to get well, if I am to stay well and grow recovered from alcoholism...I had to stop blaming other people. It was that simple.
The statement about the situation being contrived came off completely wrong and I apologize. It took away from what I was trying to express.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by anvilhead
so where is YOUR culpability here? someone came to your doorstep with a bottle of wine in hand....you let him cross the threshold and made the decision to drink. and THEN you went out with him again!? and claim to be shocked that he is anything but clean and sober? you did not meet him IN AA, or at your home group, he only SAID he was in AA. so now what happened is also AA's fault? and you take it a step further and say this town ain't right for you either....that you don't FIT. and you might need to go back to your old more "liberal" town, whatever that means. why did you leave there in the first place? is it POSSIBLE it's not the town, or the support group, or even the man you choose to date, not once but twice?
"...so our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot" -Big Book, pg 62
"...so our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot" -Big Book, pg 62
Oh my God, I read this, and then I read this. Whatever is all I can say.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by Fubarcdn
I have never seen such hostility since I have come to SR. Here is a person reaching out for help and support and she gets a lot of harsh words from zealots that don't even know her. If this is what AA is about I think I will take a pass on it.
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
An "active AAer" bringing you wine? I smell a rat.
Goodness knows I'm not a fan of my local AA, and I have met some skeezeballs there. But no matter how much I tried to blame my drinking on everyone and everything but me, I drank.
Goodness knows I'm not a fan of my local AA, and I have met some skeezeballs there. But no matter how much I tried to blame my drinking on everyone and everything but me, I drank.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Wow i am really looking forward to my first AA meeting on Friday wine, crack, dope with some really dirty female 13th steppers there too, chanting 'newcomer, newcomer' in low husky voices!!!
Seriously i know i am being infantile but if something like that does happen to me on Friday i will be on day one again Saturday whoop whoop
Seriously i know i am being infantile but if something like that does happen to me on Friday i will be on day one again Saturday whoop whoop
Last edited by yeahgr8; 02-11-2009 at 02:23 PM.
I'm just a girl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by Fubarcdn
I have never seen such hostility since I have come to SR. Here is a person reaching out for help and support and she gets a lot of harsh words from zealots that don't even know her. If this is what AA is about I think I will take a pass on it.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by stone
Anyway, Katie, I am sorry some people, I hope not me, have been too harsh. You made a bad choice with some guy, we ALL make bad choices, you shouldn't be castigated for that.
Like I said, I hope you cut contact with him and concentrate on your recovery.
Like I said, I hope you cut contact with him and concentrate on your recovery.
Count me in. I'm sorry if I've said anything to upset you. I just hope you stay safe and continue to work on recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Katie,
I've seen a lot of shrinks over the years and been on a lot of meds. I've been diagnosed clinically depressed with schizoid tendencies and borderline personality disorder. I've visited sexual assault centres in order to move past numerous sexual assaults that occurred while I was under the influence. I've tried homeopathic remedies, vitamins, exercise, going on a diet, not going on a diet etc all in an attempt to get past feelinglike I was crazy. Nothing worked - at least, not for long. I was never able to commit to any one thing - I wanted results! Fast results!
One night I got drunk with a guy I work with. He's a cop and was on-duty at time. He was a good friend, but he was also married. That night, I had sex with him, and I was deeply ashamed of myself. We were nearly caught by a senior officer. I probably would have lost my job. As it was, I drove home 30 miles while intoxicated.
Two days later, I was at work, still deeply hungover, and filled with shame over what I had done. I found myself picking up the phone and calling AA. I still don't know why - it had never occurred to me that meetings existed outside of movies or books.
My first meeting was for women-only and it's my home group today. When I went to mixed meetings, some men would talk suggestively to me while looking me up and down, or would insist on giving me a hug. I knew nothing about boundaries and was terrified. Women were telling me to stay away from men, and the men wouldn't leave me alone.
Over the years, I relapsed twice with booze and once with pills. I went to rehab for pill addiction after being sober for two years. I was crazy with depression and suicidal. But -I eventually learned to recognize who was healthy, and began to seek out women friends. I did what was suggested, and I took on service positions. I began helping others. I was still a mess for quite a while - but I listened carefully when healthy women shared, and began to emulate what they were doing. Things began to change for me.
There were many times when I swore AA wasn't for me - for whatever reason (and I had plenty) - but the truth was, I saw women getting well, and I decided to give it a try - with all that I had.
I still take anti depressants but get depressed sometime. It doesn't matter, though. It always passes, and I have discovered the solution. I don't have random sex anymore, and I feel better about myself. I laugh every day - belly laughs!
I don't know why I felt compelled to share this - I guess I identified with your experience with this guy - nothing to do with AA - but just the whole insanity of drinking while with a complete stranger - and allowing yourself to become more and more vulnerable. I've been there so many times.
I'm not trying to convince you to go to AA, Katie, I just wanted to let you know that sometimes things change as we go through them, and the experience becomes something different from what it looked like in the beginning.
I've seen a lot of shrinks over the years and been on a lot of meds. I've been diagnosed clinically depressed with schizoid tendencies and borderline personality disorder. I've visited sexual assault centres in order to move past numerous sexual assaults that occurred while I was under the influence. I've tried homeopathic remedies, vitamins, exercise, going on a diet, not going on a diet etc all in an attempt to get past feelinglike I was crazy. Nothing worked - at least, not for long. I was never able to commit to any one thing - I wanted results! Fast results!
One night I got drunk with a guy I work with. He's a cop and was on-duty at time. He was a good friend, but he was also married. That night, I had sex with him, and I was deeply ashamed of myself. We were nearly caught by a senior officer. I probably would have lost my job. As it was, I drove home 30 miles while intoxicated.
Two days later, I was at work, still deeply hungover, and filled with shame over what I had done. I found myself picking up the phone and calling AA. I still don't know why - it had never occurred to me that meetings existed outside of movies or books.
My first meeting was for women-only and it's my home group today. When I went to mixed meetings, some men would talk suggestively to me while looking me up and down, or would insist on giving me a hug. I knew nothing about boundaries and was terrified. Women were telling me to stay away from men, and the men wouldn't leave me alone.
Over the years, I relapsed twice with booze and once with pills. I went to rehab for pill addiction after being sober for two years. I was crazy with depression and suicidal. But -I eventually learned to recognize who was healthy, and began to seek out women friends. I did what was suggested, and I took on service positions. I began helping others. I was still a mess for quite a while - but I listened carefully when healthy women shared, and began to emulate what they were doing. Things began to change for me.
There were many times when I swore AA wasn't for me - for whatever reason (and I had plenty) - but the truth was, I saw women getting well, and I decided to give it a try - with all that I had.
I still take anti depressants but get depressed sometime. It doesn't matter, though. It always passes, and I have discovered the solution. I don't have random sex anymore, and I feel better about myself. I laugh every day - belly laughs!
I don't know why I felt compelled to share this - I guess I identified with your experience with this guy - nothing to do with AA - but just the whole insanity of drinking while with a complete stranger - and allowing yourself to become more and more vulnerable. I've been there so many times.
I'm not trying to convince you to go to AA, Katie, I just wanted to let you know that sometimes things change as we go through them, and the experience becomes something different from what it looked like in the beginning.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 63
Oh well, yes, we all make mistakes. But you have to admit it and own it... completely!
If the guy worked for a bank, would you be disgusted with all banks?
If you go to church, half the members there are "Sunday Christians"... they swear, smoke, drink and sin all week long, then put their suits on and go to church.
I'm sure the same applies to AA. I don't go and didn't enjoy the one meeting I went to. However I know in my heart that not all AA's are like that, because I've seen testimonies on here. I think you have to find the right one. And even at the right one there will be bad people. You have to take responsibility for yourself.
My concerns are that you perhaps don't feel like you're worth very much. That you don't deserve a good partner.
The reason I think this is because a man who knew you were trying to quit drinking turned up at your doorstep with wine and you let him in! Did you really think at that point that this man is good future relationship material?
You knew the moment he arrived that what he had done was not a good thing, that's why you posted this thread with alarm bells about an AA member "doing this to you".
Then you managed to reason things out to a point where you could justify to yourself seeing him again. You decided to blame yourself and go out with him. But I'm sure if you think honestly enough, deep inside you, you know when you decided to take that second date you knew that what he did by bringing you wine was not good. Not that it absolves you, because it doesn't, but it doesn't make him a good partner choice either.
So again, I wonder to myself if you think you're not worthy of a decent partner.
You should hold out for a good guy. None at all is better than a prat who turns up to an alcoholic's house with a bottle of wine! He shouldn't have been invited in.
If the guy worked for a bank, would you be disgusted with all banks?
If you go to church, half the members there are "Sunday Christians"... they swear, smoke, drink and sin all week long, then put their suits on and go to church.
I'm sure the same applies to AA. I don't go and didn't enjoy the one meeting I went to. However I know in my heart that not all AA's are like that, because I've seen testimonies on here. I think you have to find the right one. And even at the right one there will be bad people. You have to take responsibility for yourself.
My concerns are that you perhaps don't feel like you're worth very much. That you don't deserve a good partner.
The reason I think this is because a man who knew you were trying to quit drinking turned up at your doorstep with wine and you let him in! Did you really think at that point that this man is good future relationship material?
You knew the moment he arrived that what he had done was not a good thing, that's why you posted this thread with alarm bells about an AA member "doing this to you".
Then you managed to reason things out to a point where you could justify to yourself seeing him again. You decided to blame yourself and go out with him. But I'm sure if you think honestly enough, deep inside you, you know when you decided to take that second date you knew that what he did by bringing you wine was not good. Not that it absolves you, because it doesn't, but it doesn't make him a good partner choice either.
So again, I wonder to myself if you think you're not worthy of a decent partner.
You should hold out for a good guy. None at all is better than a prat who turns up to an alcoholic's house with a bottle of wine! He shouldn't have been invited in.
God is leading the way!!!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 245
Rowan,
I sincerely want to thank you for sharing. I most definitely can relate to your story.. I have put myself in so many predicaments that I've later regretted because of alcohol. I hope to begin attending meetings (f2f AA meetings) so that I can meet women who are working a program today.
Thanks Katie for beginning this thread without you I wouldnt of read Rowan story of experience, strength and hope.
I sincerely want to thank you for sharing. I most definitely can relate to your story.. I have put myself in so many predicaments that I've later regretted because of alcohol. I hope to begin attending meetings (f2f AA meetings) so that I can meet women who are working a program today.
Thanks Katie for beginning this thread without you I wouldnt of read Rowan story of experience, strength and hope.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
I wonder if some of us are reacting to this post so strongly because it reminds us of our own bag of issues?
It is hard to read about because when I read Katie's story, I feel vulnerable and taken advantage of. I'm reminded of all the times when I was mislead and I blamed myself for not understanding what a bad position I'd put myself in. I took decades to realize that being raped was not my fault. And I've had a horrible time trusting men of the ethnicity as the man who raped me.
I want Katie to step up to the plate and take on the task of recovery. And I remember when I was struggling so hard to do that.
There aren't that many threads that go for 4 pages. When they do, I think they tell us a lot more about ourselves than about the original poster.
Katie - I hope you can see this as a learning experience and that you can do the next right thing - whatever that is for you. I wish you recovery and happiness and stability.
- mle
It is hard to read about because when I read Katie's story, I feel vulnerable and taken advantage of. I'm reminded of all the times when I was mislead and I blamed myself for not understanding what a bad position I'd put myself in. I took decades to realize that being raped was not my fault. And I've had a horrible time trusting men of the ethnicity as the man who raped me.
I want Katie to step up to the plate and take on the task of recovery. And I remember when I was struggling so hard to do that.
There aren't that many threads that go for 4 pages. When they do, I think they tell us a lot more about ourselves than about the original poster.
Katie - I hope you can see this as a learning experience and that you can do the next right thing - whatever that is for you. I wish you recovery and happiness and stability.
- mle
uʍop ǝpısdn
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
OK keeping on topic; Katie I would suggest to lay low and find your self in your recovery before dating again. You will find the best person when you are not looking for them.
When you try to walk away from something like alcohol, soon as you think it is gone it will pop up in another form some where some how.
When I quit using 6 years ago it was knocking on my door for over a year before it disappeared.
I have been sober for 12 days and alcohol keeps trying to get back in. I had a customer today ask me to go to a poker party tonight and I declined, becaues alcohol will be there. Untill I find myself strong in recovery I will not go anywhere alcohol will be, that will be my only way out.
When you try to walk away from something like alcohol, soon as you think it is gone it will pop up in another form some where some how.
When I quit using 6 years ago it was knocking on my door for over a year before it disappeared.
I have been sober for 12 days and alcohol keeps trying to get back in. I had a customer today ask me to go to a poker party tonight and I declined, becaues alcohol will be there. Untill I find myself strong in recovery I will not go anywhere alcohol will be, that will be my only way out.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by Katie09
Of course, I drank it. He brought me two bottles of wine. I am wondering why on earth someone who knows of my "issue" would bring me wine, rather naively. Ok, so I am irritated mostly with myself - but him too. The guy has been in the program for YEARS.
.
.
I'd say, he's been around the program not in it
Cause, he's still sick
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Let's all chill please.....and check our SR Polcies
Rules and Regs Forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2059329
Then no one will be confused on posting guidelines.
Thank you...
Rules and Regs Forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2059329
Then no one will be confused on posting guidelines.
Thank you...
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Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
.Looking at this again......and without my prior anger about it.
Are we not in danger of "Living in the problem here"
Its not nice.......but it is done and leasons will be learnt i guess.
And what can we do about it now.........nothing.........its history.
So the "solution"........
Support katie to get and stay sober..........aint that what we are here for.?
Its my main reason to be here........
One of our "family" is distressed and not far from their last drink.....
What ever the reason............drinking alcoholics die..........period.
God be with you and protect you katie......please be careful.........trucker
Are we not in danger of "Living in the problem here"
Its not nice.......but it is done and leasons will be learnt i guess.
And what can we do about it now.........nothing.........its history.
So the "solution"........
Support katie to get and stay sober..........aint that what we are here for.?
Its my main reason to be here........
One of our "family" is distressed and not far from their last drink.....
What ever the reason............drinking alcoholics die..........period.
God be with you and protect you katie......please be careful.........trucker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by trucker
.Looking at this again......and without my prior anger about it.
Are we not in danger of "Living in the problem here"
Its not nice.......but it is done and leasons will be learnt i guess.
And what can we do about it now.........nothing.........its history.
So the "solution"........
Support katie to get and stay sober..........aint that what we are here for.?
Its my main reason to be here........
One of our "family" is distressed and not far from their last drink.....
What ever the reason............drinking alcoholics die..........period.
God be with you and protect you katie......please be careful.........trucker
Are we not in danger of "Living in the problem here"
Its not nice.......but it is done and leasons will be learnt i guess.
And what can we do about it now.........nothing.........its history.
So the "solution"........
Support katie to get and stay sober..........aint that what we are here for.?
Its my main reason to be here........
One of our "family" is distressed and not far from their last drink.....
What ever the reason............drinking alcoholics die..........period.
God be with you and protect you katie......please be careful.........trucker
Anyway, your kind post means so much. Oh, and anyone else who reached out to me in support and not judgement, I really appreciate all of your posts too. I am not sure why this thread invoked so much ire, but it sure did.
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