losing a partner to an overdose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 3
losing a partner to an overdose.
I have recently come accross the site in my quest to find some answers, so hoping someone out there may provide some insight.
4 weeks ago my partner of 5 years was found face down on the bed at home dead. Needless to say it has been hugely devasting.
At the time no needles or anything was found, however although we are still awaiting autospy results the police are about 90% sure it was a heroin overdose.
I asked his brother to come to the house and find his hiding places, which he did, and found used needles/ paraphanalia etc behind the bathroom wall.
I had no idea he was using Heroin.
How can this be so?
I'm not sure how to tell people, my friends, his friends about how he died - partly to protect his reputation and partly to protect mine. How can I tell people he died of an overdose, its either this or lie and I'm not sure what is worth.
How do I deal with the ultimate betrayal of his constant lies? Would he have been an addict without me knowing (he held a job, had money etc, etc)?
Is there anything I could have done?
What would have ultimatly led to his death - a bad batch???????
Any suggestions are helpful...
4 weeks ago my partner of 5 years was found face down on the bed at home dead. Needless to say it has been hugely devasting.
At the time no needles or anything was found, however although we are still awaiting autospy results the police are about 90% sure it was a heroin overdose.
I asked his brother to come to the house and find his hiding places, which he did, and found used needles/ paraphanalia etc behind the bathroom wall.
I had no idea he was using Heroin.
How can this be so?
I'm not sure how to tell people, my friends, his friends about how he died - partly to protect his reputation and partly to protect mine. How can I tell people he died of an overdose, its either this or lie and I'm not sure what is worth.
How do I deal with the ultimate betrayal of his constant lies? Would he have been an addict without me knowing (he held a job, had money etc, etc)?
Is there anything I could have done?
What would have ultimatly led to his death - a bad batch???????
Any suggestions are helpful...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Hi Nicola
I am sorry for your loss...
Welcome to SR
you also might want to visit the Friends and Family of Substance Abuse Forum
the good folks over there can offer you some wonderful support and answer some of those questions you have..
The link is
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I am sorry for your loss...
Welcome to SR
you also might want to visit the Friends and Family of Substance Abuse Forum
the good folks over there can offer you some wonderful support and answer some of those questions you have..
The link is
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Last edited by grateful2b; 02-09-2009 at 05:44 PM.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
I would say "Sudden heart attack" if you need to explain.
I think that should stop questions.
You might consider seeing a counsolor to move forward
from this tragedy. His bad choices were not on you.
...Prayers for your peace
I would say "Sudden heart attack" if you need to explain.
I think that should stop questions.
You might consider seeing a counsolor to move forward
from this tragedy. His bad choices were not on you.
...Prayers for your peace
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi Nicola. My name is Nicki. I am soooo very sorry to hear of what has happened to your partner!! I can only offer you sincere sympathy/empathy as to what you are going through! Devastating is a word that still doesn't come close to what you're dealing with and facing right now! Again, I'm so so sorry!
Addicts and alcoholics have mastered the art of lying and manipulation and deception with our dis-eases. We can almost always maintain our jobs, finances, distant relationships and others somewhat close to us with a measurable amount of ease and lack of speculation because we innately know how to "work it" around our addictions.
YOU have not done anything wrong here first and foremost! The choice was never yours! In your head right now you may be thinking the "should've, could've, would've" scenarios... that's normal, but please understand this: you are powerless over another persons addiction... period!
How to tell people.... ? More than likely some will "know" the circumstances. Others it will be up to your discretion. I strongly urge you to seek counsel and/or a confidant that you can relate all this too. Also, this board -- forum, has so many insightful information from members and also alternate websites that can help with avenues you may want to check out!!
My heart is with you, my dear! I'm so sorry that this has happened in his life as well as yours! "Cunning, baffling, powerful" is the disease that addicts suffer from and those inadventently affected by US!
So much love going out to you!
I'm not sure how to tell people, my friends, his friends about how he died - partly to protect his reputation and partly to protect mine. How can I tell people he died of an overdose, its either this or lie and I'm not sure what is worth.
How do I deal with the ultimate betrayal of his constant lies? Would he have been an addict without me knowing (he held a job, had money etc, etc)?
Is there anything I could have done?
What would have ultimatly led to his death - a bad batch???????
Any suggestions are helpful...[/QUOTE]
Addicts and alcoholics have mastered the art of lying and manipulation and deception with our dis-eases. We can almost always maintain our jobs, finances, distant relationships and others somewhat close to us with a measurable amount of ease and lack of speculation because we innately know how to "work it" around our addictions.
YOU have not done anything wrong here first and foremost! The choice was never yours! In your head right now you may be thinking the "should've, could've, would've" scenarios... that's normal, but please understand this: you are powerless over another persons addiction... period!
How to tell people.... ? More than likely some will "know" the circumstances. Others it will be up to your discretion. I strongly urge you to seek counsel and/or a confidant that you can relate all this too. Also, this board -- forum, has so many insightful information from members and also alternate websites that can help with avenues you may want to check out!!
My heart is with you, my dear! I'm so sorry that this has happened in his life as well as yours! "Cunning, baffling, powerful" is the disease that addicts suffer from and those inadventently affected by US!
So much love going out to you!
I'm not sure how to tell people, my friends, his friends about how he died - partly to protect his reputation and partly to protect mine. How can I tell people he died of an overdose, its either this or lie and I'm not sure what is worth.
How do I deal with the ultimate betrayal of his constant lies? Would he have been an addict without me knowing (he held a job, had money etc, etc)?
Is there anything I could have done?
What would have ultimatly led to his death - a bad batch???????
Any suggestions are helpful...[/QUOTE]
Eclectics Anonymous
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 286
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don't have a lot of insight but I can tell you when I was drinking there is absolutely nothing in this world anyone could have done to make me stop until I was ready. If you are able please consider grief counseling.
:ghug
:ghug
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