Going to bars/pubs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: London, England
Posts: 54
Going to bars/pubs
I guess different people may have different opinions on this and I have discussed it with a few folk.
When one enters sobriety, when is it permissable to go out to bars and places where alcohol will be served and where the people you are with may well be drinking. I am alost three weeks sober. I have been to my 'local' a few times and to be honest have not found it too hard. I am trying not to be complacent. I believe in exposing myself to difficult situations. I know a lot of people there and socialising is an important part of my life. At first people found it a bit odd but its no big deal. I appreciate exposing ones self to this can increase the likelihood of relapse, but I often feel with alcohol so easily avasilible, there is always that chance. I guess its up to the individual. There are some places where I dont go, places I went only becuase the beer was cheap (99p a pint - I guess thats like $1.20 for 568ml of beer) - but my local has a lot of meaning to me and would not want to lose that.
What are other peoples thoughts/experiences of this?
Thanks
Paul
When one enters sobriety, when is it permissable to go out to bars and places where alcohol will be served and where the people you are with may well be drinking. I am alost three weeks sober. I have been to my 'local' a few times and to be honest have not found it too hard. I am trying not to be complacent. I believe in exposing myself to difficult situations. I know a lot of people there and socialising is an important part of my life. At first people found it a bit odd but its no big deal. I appreciate exposing ones self to this can increase the likelihood of relapse, but I often feel with alcohol so easily avasilible, there is always that chance. I guess its up to the individual. There are some places where I dont go, places I went only becuase the beer was cheap (99p a pint - I guess thats like $1.20 for 568ml of beer) - but my local has a lot of meaning to me and would not want to lose that.
What are other peoples thoughts/experiences of this?
Thanks
Paul
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I dont go to the places i used to drink but i would go to a bar with a friend and have a coffee but not at night as i would feel a bit out of place and would not like it. IMO I think for the most it is an incredibly bad move to go to bars and pubs in early sobriety though as a rule.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
I think it depends from person to person. Everyone has different experiences in different situations. I went to the bar/restuarant up the street with my brother today and had a bbq sandwich and tea, and had no problems with wanting to drink, but then again at the time of day we went there was no one in there drinking so that did make it easier for me, that and I never been much of a bar person. I'm more of the type that used to drink at home or a "friends" house, so I guess bars don't impact me too much because I'm not used to them and they're too expensive. Not saying that I won't have a problem in the future. But I suppose it depends on who you ask and how you handle the situation. And I swear when I was drinking I wish I could've got that much beer that cheap...lol...but sober now so I suppose no need to worry over that anymore.
Wes
Wes
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
When is it "permissable"? There's not a rule book for this. 
I'd say it's "permissable" when you feel ok with it and are confident enough in your sobriety to trust yourself there.
For me, personally, I don't think I'd feel comfortable in a bar or pub again. I don't mean anywhere that serves alcohol - I mean specifically bars and pubs where the main point of being there is to drink. I don't drink anymore so I don't think I'd have much fun there. Also, I'm fairly stable in my sobriety at this point (a bit over 4 months) but I don't really feel like tempting fate, either. Depending on who I was with and what kind of day I'd had and what frame of mind I was in, I think I could still be swayed and I don't want to risk it.
But that's me. You do what feels right to you. I wish you well.
I'd say it's "permissable" when you feel ok with it and are confident enough in your sobriety to trust yourself there.For me, personally, I don't think I'd feel comfortable in a bar or pub again. I don't mean anywhere that serves alcohol - I mean specifically bars and pubs where the main point of being there is to drink. I don't drink anymore so I don't think I'd have much fun there. Also, I'm fairly stable in my sobriety at this point (a bit over 4 months) but I don't really feel like tempting fate, either. Depending on who I was with and what kind of day I'd had and what frame of mind I was in, I think I could still be swayed and I don't want to risk it.
But that's me.
You do what feels right to you. I wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: London, England
Posts: 54
Some very good points - TSH - permissable is not the best word to use. I have spoken about this this to friends in AA and they concur that early in sobriety you should stay away.
For me, going out was more social - my worst drinking was always done on my lonesome. I am learning after 30 years, the joy to reading a book in a coffee shop - something I would never have done.
For me it is early days. Its something I feel if I did not confront then would eat away at me and jepordise my sobriety. That might not make too much sense. There are many, many places I wont go to. I kind of take it a day at a time and see how I feel.
Take care
Paul
For me, going out was more social - my worst drinking was always done on my lonesome. I am learning after 30 years, the joy to reading a book in a coffee shop - something I would never have done.
For me it is early days. Its something I feel if I did not confront then would eat away at me and jepordise my sobriety. That might not make too much sense. There are many, many places I wont go to. I kind of take it a day at a time and see how I feel.
Take care
Paul
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
IMO, I think it's a very bad idea to go to ANY bar, pub or club that you may or may not have ever been to when in early Recovery. What I mean by early Recovery is the first year or so.
There's an expression, if you hang out in a barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut. I like this one better, if you keep playing with something, you're eventually going to break it. Why play with your Recovery?
I agree with the fact that we can't live our lives in a glass bubble, but at the same time, I think you're playing with fire. Sure, when we go to bars, we do go to socialize with other people but we can do this in a number of different places where alcohol isn't the main attraction. The bottom line is, the majority of people go to a bar because there is alcohol there. I have been to many nice restauants for dinner where alcohol is available, but I am going there for dinner. I have been to a few wedding receptions where alcohol is served, but I'm going to celebrate the union of two people.
I have 3 1/2 years in Recovery and have no desire to go anywhere that alcohol is the main attraction. I have several friends who play in bands that are on the bar circuits in the tri state area, but I can catch them some other time, in some other place. They all know that my Sobriety is my number one priority and they all respect this. If they didn't, then I wouldn't consider them friends.
Congratulations on 3 weeks by the way!!!!!! Keep coming back!
God Bless,
Judy
There's an expression, if you hang out in a barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut. I like this one better, if you keep playing with something, you're eventually going to break it. Why play with your Recovery?
I agree with the fact that we can't live our lives in a glass bubble, but at the same time, I think you're playing with fire. Sure, when we go to bars, we do go to socialize with other people but we can do this in a number of different places where alcohol isn't the main attraction. The bottom line is, the majority of people go to a bar because there is alcohol there. I have been to many nice restauants for dinner where alcohol is available, but I am going there for dinner. I have been to a few wedding receptions where alcohol is served, but I'm going to celebrate the union of two people.
I have 3 1/2 years in Recovery and have no desire to go anywhere that alcohol is the main attraction. I have several friends who play in bands that are on the bar circuits in the tri state area, but I can catch them some other time, in some other place. They all know that my Sobriety is my number one priority and they all respect this. If they didn't, then I wouldn't consider them friends.
Congratulations on 3 weeks by the way!!!!!! Keep coming back!
God Bless,
Judy
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
I love karaoke and will go to bars for that reason. I try to go on weeknights when people are there more to sing than on a mission to get wasted and you get plenty of turns. As long as I'm enjoying myself and occupied, I seen to be okay. And I'm always ready to leave if it becomes necessary.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I did all my drinking at bars and I haven't been back but if it doesn't bother you why not? Everyone I went to the bars with was there to drink and I think I would feel uncomfortable drinking soda. I know when I was drinking I didn't want any non drinkers around but maybe things are different in your neck of the woods.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I have no reason to go to bars or clubs anymore, I do my socializing outside of that. If my friends no longer socialize with me because I don't go to the bar, I know for sure they're not friends I want to keep!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I definitely could not do that at 3 weeks sober. I found it way too stressful to be around people drinking. It wouldn't necessarily affect me at the time, but the thought would be planted and I hated that.
I socialize at coffee shops, lots of coffee shops. LOL.
I socialize at coffee shops, lots of coffee shops. LOL.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
As a drinker...I not only drank in bars/restarants/clubs and llounges
I worked in them for years! All my friends were excessive drinkers.
I did not want to change any of that when I decided to quit.
For me....it did not work out to my benefit.
Time after time...I returned to drinking. ..
And I was in and out of AA too.
After reading "Under The Influence" I decided drastic
changes were necessary for my recovery.
I took an office job...less money ...less stress.
I quit hanging out in drinking places with drinking friends.
I declared my apartment to be a non drinking zone.
I broke off with my still drinking lover.
I re connected to my God and AA.
I've never regretted my choices and have been sober since.
Do you need such drastic measures? I don't know
I can tell you I sure did.
I understand how much pubs play a part in
social life in England.
It did for me too when I was a drinker.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
To be honest, IMO once you have chosen sobriety, it doesnt matter where you go or who you hang out with, you are not going to drink. I personally get a good laugh being around my friends when they make idiots out of each other. It actually motivates me more to not drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: London, England
Posts: 54
Thanks for these responses - its an interesting subject. Having never been to the states, I dont reayl know what the drinking culture is. Been to Europe plenty and its sure different. Where I live, there are two or three coffee shops and the rest are bars. I gre up in a pub - I am used to them. However, this disease has no respect for geographical location or social norms - my philosophy is to do what works for you. In a weeks time I could be eating my words. I dont pretend to have the right path. More than anything, my recent sobriety has taught me humility in a big way.
Take care
Paul
Take care
Paul
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