L2006

Where do I start?

Im 34 I have a wife and an 8 year old son.

My wife is amazing, thoughtfull and understands life.

I on the otherhand maybe see things when its too late and live in a bubble world where maybe i dont appreciate things as much as i should.

I drink whiskey most nights and tend to drink 1/4 bottle on average. Now somedays (like last night) to drink 1/2 bottle. I work 11.30 till 8pm, and have got into the habit of having a few when i get in.

When i drink i tend to do 1 of 2 things, either go silly and be over funny trying to be the centre of attention or goung touchy and very defensive taking everything the wrong way and then arguing.

I have tried to stop drinking before but my family drink and its hard as i look like im being anti social and tend to sit there like a spoilt kid.

I wake up the day after when it goes down the defensive route feeling ashamed, guilty and confused. It feels like im 2 different people.

I love my wife and child so much but my behaviour is that of a kids when i do this. I am worried my wife will walk and im scared of loosing them, but i cant ask them to put up with this behaviour. Most nights were ok, i can be moody and touchy somedays in the day and have no idea why!

When i get drunk though it usually erases all the good ive done and im remembered as someone i feel im not inside.

If im honest i just cant control myself, i dont measure drinks. I tried drinking say a 1/4 but then i tend going for more as im starting to get happy or talkative.

Im really lost right now.

Strangef8

You have come to the right place. I too am 34 and although I don't have any kids, everything else is the same. I am on my 21st day of sobriety and I owe it all to my wife and the people hear. Look around and keep reading and you will see that there are a ton of people who are willing to help you. I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you around!

L2006

just to add another point reading that back. Last night i slept in my car! My wife called she was devistated. I ended up crying i felt lost. Wanted it to stop but because i was drunk i didnt know what to do. Im 34 and acting like a baby. I dont understand why im like this because i have a beautifull wife, son and a good life. Cant work out whats wrong with me. I feel so bad on my wife shes the only rock i have in my life and i love her with all my heart but this behaviour looks like i dont and its wrong.

My dad drinks and i promised myself i wouldnt be like him. I enjoy the good times my wife and family have but im destroying everything and becomming someone i dont want to be.

Im really letting down people who love me right now!

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR L2006. You are not alone as a lot of us are the same as you. We cannot just have a couple drinks to be sociable and when we start drinking it is hard to stop and we often end up saying or doing things we regret.
You are affecting your wife and your son. He sees what is going on. I waited too long before I made the decision to quit and missed a lot of my son's lives as they are grown now. Don't make the same mistake as I did. This is the thing I regret most in my life; not being the father I should have been.
There is plenty of support here from caring people that have been down the same road.

CarolD

Welcome....

Yes...we know how you feel ...many of us have won over alcohol.
And so can you....

Blessings to the 3 of you

Gypsy Feet

read as much as you can take in here, it really helps. I was terribly sad when I first came here , and I am so much better now. Welcome

serenityqueen

First of all, I'd like to welcome you to SR. You mentioned feeling lost, well, to quote the song Amazing Grace, " . . . I once was lost, but now I'm found . . . " Once I realized and surrendered to the fact that I cannot drink like "normal people," I no longer felt lost.

I found myself and realized what the root of 99% of my problems was from when I walked into the rooms of AA. Now, I am not trying to tell you that AA is the only way. But for me, being around others who knew exactly how I felt, listened but didn't patronize, offered solutions and showed me the way is one of the reasons I am alive today.

SR is a fantastic support system. You have taken the first step towards changing your life and not losing that beautiful wife and son. Many of us come from families of drinkers, some that can drink socially and others whose families have alcoholics who have the same problems we do. Just take things one step at a time. . . the first thing is to stop drinking. We'll take care of the other things later. Don't overwhelm yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day so surely we can't expect to rebuild our lives in a day.

Keep reading, sharing and remember, you are NOT alone.

God Bless,
Judy

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You said you wonder what's wrong with you - it's that you are an addict. There is no logic behind the things we do, as addicts.

I am so glad you are seeking support.

backporchpoet

I really understand what you mean when you say that all the good you've done feels like it is just erased and you are remembered for something you are not. That was my major concern with drinking as well. I felt as though I was a happy, loving, thoughtful girlfriend, and then after waking up with a hangover, I would spend the following week apologizing and getting criticized for all the mean things I said while intoxicated.

Welcome to SR!

Thankfully, you have realized you need help and with the support of everyone on here, you are well on your way!

SoberforME

Wow. This sounds just like me!

I'm 40 days sober (YAY ME!) and I was having the same issues. My first call to an AA person was me crying on the phone saying "I don't know why I do this, my life is so great!" You know what she said? "Because it is out of your hands to control your drinking."

I would do the same things and have the same feelings. You'll find most of us have. I'm happy that you are here. Keep reading, you'll learn a lot.

CoF1984

Welcome to SR! And Congratulations on your decision to want to fix this and change before it's too late. I wish I had've changed before I lost my wife, but things happen. You are not alone in any way. There are plenty of people here willing to help and support you along the way of getting sober and plenty of people that have been and maybe are in the same situation. Look around, read, post, and take things a day at time and it CAN be done and you CAN get through this with the help and support of others behind you every step of the way. And once again, Welcome!
Wes

C23

L2006

Welcome to SR. We all here have different life situations, but one thing is a constant and that is our battle with alcohol. Please keep posting and coming here for support. THe first step is admitting you have a problem, which you have done. Now, let's work on keeping you sober.