my first post
Vance H
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: indiana
Posts: 2
my first post
Hi I am Turtle, and I am, and will always be "a real alcoholic",
Have decided to post my first message, instead of just reading, you know, "into action". Thank you to all the humble people on this site for supporting us newcomers, much gratitude. Am living and loving my first 5 months of complete sobriety, since age 15. My cousin/ best friend was killed due in part to his meth addiction, and after I gave the Elegy I vowed to him that I would live my best, for him and his 3 children.
I go to at least one AA meeting per day, 163 and counting, it is my medicine. Have a great sponsor, with 18 years sober, who I talk to every morning, along with praying, my daily reflections and 24 hrs a day readings. Pray every night, to thank my higher power for another small achievement then fall asleep reading the big book. Some folks at meetings say I am wearing my program like a strait jacket not like a loose shirt, and how long can anyone stand wearing one? My intensity has always been a struggle for me, the same intensity I used when drinking for 20 years on and off. [B]Anyone have an opinion on intensity or perfectionism? Is why I have been on Step 4 for 2 months?:wtf2
Have decided to post my first message, instead of just reading, you know, "into action". Thank you to all the humble people on this site for supporting us newcomers, much gratitude. Am living and loving my first 5 months of complete sobriety, since age 15. My cousin/ best friend was killed due in part to his meth addiction, and after I gave the Elegy I vowed to him that I would live my best, for him and his 3 children.
I go to at least one AA meeting per day, 163 and counting, it is my medicine. Have a great sponsor, with 18 years sober, who I talk to every morning, along with praying, my daily reflections and 24 hrs a day readings. Pray every night, to thank my higher power for another small achievement then fall asleep reading the big book. Some folks at meetings say I am wearing my program like a strait jacket not like a loose shirt, and how long can anyone stand wearing one? My intensity has always been a struggle for me, the same intensity I used when drinking for 20 years on and off. [B]Anyone have an opinion on intensity or perfectionism? Is why I have been on Step 4 for 2 months?:wtf2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome, Turtle.
Oh how I battled perfectionism for a long time. I had that all or nothing attitude. As has been with so many character defects of mine, I finally had to get sick and tired of the results of not letting those defects go. I'm one of those who will dig her feet in and hang on to the bitter end!
Congrats on your 5 months, and please keep posting! :ghug
Oh how I battled perfectionism for a long time. I had that all or nothing attitude. As has been with so many character defects of mine, I finally had to get sick and tired of the results of not letting those defects go. I'm one of those who will dig her feet in and hang on to the bitter end!
Congrats on your 5 months, and please keep posting! :ghug
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Welcome, Turtle!!!! Thanks for sharing. 
I'm sure this post will eventually be moved to Newcomers instead of Daily Support (the forum link aove the one you used to get here), but if it's NOT caught I thought I'd mention you should repost there so that you get a proper welcome and support from all of the folks here on SR.
I'm sure this post will eventually be moved to Newcomers instead of Daily Support (the forum link aove the one you used to get here), but if it's NOT caught I thought I'd mention you should repost there so that you get a proper welcome and support from all of the folks here on SR.
!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community...
I'm sorry your cousin did not find recovery...and
congratulate you for doing so.
Step 5 gave me much serenity
less intensity.....
I do hope you will make SR your cyber home group.
I'm sorry your cousin did not find recovery...and
congratulate you for doing so.
Step 5 gave me much serenity
less intensity.....
I do hope you will make SR your cyber home group.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
You may actually find some helpful information in the friends and family or adult children sections of these forums on perfectionism. Its amazing how many people on this planet are going through the same struggles we face. I am not a perfectionist, I do however see shades of myself in many posts on these forums. Welcome.
6Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 88
Welcome turtle. I think you have done so very well - congrats. on 5 months. You're a star. I am 2 weeks tomorrow. Your loyalty to your lost cousin/best friend will give you the strength to overcome the alcohol demons. Your intensity is working in your favour. Way to go.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Welcome turtle,
I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you have a solid start to a new way of living. I have learned over the years that perfectionism is not all it's cracked up to be. I hope you stick around.
I just joined yesterday, so I'm glad you can share your progress here, to help those of us who are new.
I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you have a solid start to a new way of living. I have learned over the years that perfectionism is not all it's cracked up to be. I hope you stick around.
I just joined yesterday, so I'm glad you can share your progress here, to help those of us who are new.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 263
Hi there turtleturtle. Seems to me you're walking your own road, so using the help of AA you're dealing with it the way that's right for you. While you're staying sober and moving forward with that, other people's "judgements" really don't matter. Keep strong, you're doing so great at 5 months!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Congratulations turtle - you're doing great from the sound of it. SR will help support and strengthen you in your recovery. This community has helped me get and stay sober for over a year, after over 25 yrs. of heavy drinking. I commend you on seeing what needed to be done and taking action. I don't feel qualified to answer your question (I'm not in AA) but I'm sure others will help you there.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Glad you're here!
I imagine that when other AA folks tell you that you're wearing your program like a strait-jacket, it doesn't feel like a compliment. If someone said that to me, I'd be confused.
In my year of AA experience, each and every time someone made an observation about me or my recovery efforts, the comment was an attempt to either compliment me or to draw my attention to something that they thought might help me.
If the straight-jacket comment is supossed to be a compliment, I don't really see it. So I'm assuming it's intended to help you. It sounds a bit like a put-down. But I think it's meant to help you see something.
Maybe they're afraid that if you focus exclusively on AA and recovery, that your life will swing out of balance and it will be hard to maintain that level of focus. And then you might be hard on yourself, thinking you'd lost your committment.
Or maybe they're noticing that you don't have any fun. That the joy that normally comes after the initial difficulties of early sobriety is missing. I've experienced and witnessed that joy and it is wonderful. Maybe they're worried that you seem so grim and determined that you're not allowing the joy in.
I don't think there is necessarily ANY connection to the length of time it's taking you to do the 4th step. Many people take a lot longer. Including me. It was excruciating work for me. It left me exhausted. I had to take it a little at a time. I figure next time around, it will come easier.
Anyway, obviously I don't know you or see you at meetings or anything. So my guesses are wild stabs in the dark. I'm glad you're here at SR and I respect your sobriety. You're doing a great job! Welcome to the rest of your life!
I imagine that when other AA folks tell you that you're wearing your program like a strait-jacket, it doesn't feel like a compliment. If someone said that to me, I'd be confused.
In my year of AA experience, each and every time someone made an observation about me or my recovery efforts, the comment was an attempt to either compliment me or to draw my attention to something that they thought might help me.
If the straight-jacket comment is supossed to be a compliment, I don't really see it. So I'm assuming it's intended to help you. It sounds a bit like a put-down. But I think it's meant to help you see something.
Maybe they're afraid that if you focus exclusively on AA and recovery, that your life will swing out of balance and it will be hard to maintain that level of focus. And then you might be hard on yourself, thinking you'd lost your committment.
Or maybe they're noticing that you don't have any fun. That the joy that normally comes after the initial difficulties of early sobriety is missing. I've experienced and witnessed that joy and it is wonderful. Maybe they're worried that you seem so grim and determined that you're not allowing the joy in.
I don't think there is necessarily ANY connection to the length of time it's taking you to do the 4th step. Many people take a lot longer. Including me. It was excruciating work for me. It left me exhausted. I had to take it a little at a time. I figure next time around, it will come easier.
Anyway, obviously I don't know you or see you at meetings or anything. So my guesses are wild stabs in the dark. I'm glad you're here at SR and I respect your sobriety. You're doing a great job! Welcome to the rest of your life!
friend of bill w.
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: east coast
Posts: 218
Turtle...I applaud you on you five months... that is wonderful. I, also, go to AA meetings. I only go twice a week or so...but....I have a friend in the program who has gone twice a day for 8 years...who is 8 years sober....and yes..he also has a life outside of aa...owns his own home, two vehicles, and has his own business...what a miracle...
I say..it takes what it takes...I would go everyday if I felt that was right for me...and the fourth step is a biggie..I have actually heard of people who spent a year or more working on it...remember KISS....Keep It Simple Sweetheart...and just don't drink.
Welcome to the forum! It is always good to see a fellow aquatic...or amphibic creature here!!!!!
that is wonderful. I, also, go to AA meetings. I only go twice a week or so...but....I have a friend in the program who has gone twice a day for 8 years...who is 8 years sober....and yes..he also has a life outside of aa...owns his own home, two vehicles, and has his own business...what a miracle...I say..it takes what it takes...I would go everyday if I felt that was right for me...and the fourth step is a biggie..I have actually heard of people who spent a year or more working on it...remember KISS....Keep It Simple Sweetheart...and just don't drink.
Welcome to the forum! It is always good to see a fellow aquatic...or amphibic creature here!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and thank you for posting and joining. Congratulations on finding your recovery plan and sticking to it. I am VERY sorry for your loss, but am so humbled by how you turned it into such a positive step.
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