jowinbo

hi all, i just wanted to check in tell you all thank-you for all the posts and good advice! i do so enjoy this forum and helps to keep me focused!!
i have 18 dyas sober, the things i tought were going to be hard (seeing a thearpist, oversleeping) have been ok. my couselor is really nice and supportive of my recovery, my fears, etc. and the fact that i do not care about myself, do not love or resspect me, and we are working on that

i am old, almost 60, drinking to funtion, has been my life. i raised 3 good kids, who are not addits, by the grace of God! my whole goal in life was to raise my children so they would be better people than me. i did do that and when my youngest left home is when i really started to drink, because i had succedded at my goal, and had no other reason to live?
so i drank and drank still keeping my job, but that changed last dec? i could no longer work, cause i respected my boss too much to come in drunk all the time. so sorry, just wanted to tell the truth here, and truth is i am struggling?

how do i learn how to like/love myself when my own mother did not love me?
i really DO not know how, and besides i am a very ugly person, my face that is, but i know God gave me this face for some reason? i am just reAally confused, but sober!
sorry, tell me to get off my pity-pot
__________________:praying

CoF1984

Well, congratulations on your 18 days sober. That's very encouraging for me. While I may be much younger I can relate to a lot you've said. It does help me feel that I'm not alone in self-hatred, thinking of myself as an ugly person (physically), and wonder about my mother. I wanted to tell you a little about me so you know you're not alone. I'm on my day 4, but as long as I can keep coming here I can make it to 18. But, it sounds like you're doing some really great work and it is so encouraging to hear/read.
Wes

rebelTex

Jow, you are beautiful to me. I care about you. Your emotions seem normal at this point in your recovery. Hang it there girl.

grrrr

Hi Jowinbo,
Congrats on your sober time! I think it is great that you are seeing a counselor to talk about these things.
I will share something that is a major theme in a book I am reading. The author talks about how God gave us unconditional love and support the minute we came into this world. If we can tap into that from inside ourselves, and love ourselves, then it does not matter so much what the rest of the world is giving to us.
I am not all that religious myself, but I think it is an interesting theme. And to me it says we only need ourselves to be present to feel loved. Sobriety certainly makes us all more present.

rebelTex

Jow, for some reason I assumed you were female! Sorry if I got that incorrect.

jowinbo

for the encouragment! yes i am an old female lol!
ty for making me feel better and loved! wish you all the best in your recovery...keep posting, it helps everyone!!!!

Anna

Good for you having 18 sober days!

I know, when you've devoted yourself to raising your children, it's very easy to lose yourself. You will be able to find your way again as you continue to recover.

CarolD

Iriss

You have raised three good kids, and are now sober... is there any bigger achievement one can do? I wish you peace x

ViciousCycle

Beauty is in the heart..........not the "earth suit"