change4penny

Hi, I'm so glad I found this! I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 134 days clean. I began using coke on and off since I was 17 years old. I started using painkillers 11 years after an accident. As for the coke, I stopped after I got pregnant with my son, and didn't use it again until I got divorced ten years later. The couple of years got completely out of control. I was taking 30 10mg hydrocodone or oxycodone per day. When I couldn't find the pills, I'd go get cocaine to take the edge off being "dope sick". All this time I always snorted the coke. Til one night I was looking for some "powder" and a so called friend brought me back "rock". I realize now that she probably did that on purpose, because she smoked and she knew that I was always very generous with my drugs and would share. I tried it, liked it, and this was the beginning of my end.
For one year I chased that high everyday on top of taking all those pills, (yeah, I know, I'm lucky to be alive with that combo!) I looked my family in the eyes and lied to their face, stole from them, didn't care about anything but getting more. I went to jail for the first time in my life, got out and used. I think my husband thought jail would scare me straight....not!
I finally, with my moms' help decided to go to rehab. She set it up for me to check in on May 18 '08. She suddenly passed away in her sleep on May 14. I was there. I found her. She was my best friend. From that point on, I went into total self-destruct mode. Again, lucky to be alive. I spiraled out of control for 4 more months. I overdosed during that time. I carried a list of treatment centers for one week in my purse. I mean, I knew I was in trouble,
Then I just woke up one morning sick and tired and made the call that saved my life. Its been a struggle, I'm not going to lie, but it's been the best thing I ever did for myself. My biggest regret is that my mom died knowing her daughter was a drug addict. But I know she's smiling right now!
This is for you Mom...I Love You
Thanks for letting me share

grateful2b

Hi and Welcome to SR
congratulations on 134 days clean!
we are glad you found us

CoF1984

Welcome to S.R.! And congrats on your 134 days clean! I'm 3 days clean from alcohol as of today and this website and all the people here have been a blessing to me. Everyone here is so great. And it's so great to hear how long you've been clean with your story. It's really encouraging for someone like me just starting out. Once again congrats and welcome!
Wes

Horselover

What a beautiful share and thank you. Your mom knows you are clean or at least that's what I tend to believe. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed by her. Congratulations for getting your life back. You sound like a very inspirational person. Glad you joined.

C23

Welcome to SR and congrats on the 134 days. I was addicted to Coke and X during my party days and beat that poison too. Now, going on 5 days off booze. Welcome to the family.

lovinmenow

KenL

How hard that must have been for you to find your mom. That would be hard for anyone. I think it's pretty nice though that you remember her and dedicate your being clean to her. Mom's are such important people. They have such profound effects on their children whether positive or negative. It sounds like you had a good mom. Thanks for telling us your story.

Ken