grrrr

I am back to day 1 today, and feeling a little confused I guess. I had a little over 3 months of sobriety, and was so grateful for it. I was 'cheating' a little with smoking MJ on the side with friends and forgot how this was my DOC in the first place. After 5 months of none in the house, I decided to pick some up. What an incredible waste of money and 2 weeks of my life.

I believed the voice in my head that said I could control it this time, since I understood how good sobriety was. Maybe I am a little angry at that voice this morning, especially since it still lingers and is looking for ways to hang out with friends that smoke. I reject this voice and reach out here for help.

Back to basics for me. No drinking, no smoking, come to SR. I will daily acknowledge my recovery by learning more about it, reading spiritual books, and seeking fulfilling activities. I have come clean about my relapse to a couple good friends and have one more that I want to talk with. I feel cautious now, and that is probably a good thing.

Thanks SR community for all the advice, support and understanding here every day.

CoF1984

Well, I guess it happens sometimes grrrr, but the good and important thing is that you want to stay on the right track. Sometimes people make mistakes, which is okay as long as you learn from them. And sounds to me like you did and are ready to try even harder than before which definitely deserves to be congratulated and admired.
Wes

doorknob

Dang, Grrrr... I feel you, bro. What was your 2 weeks of smokin' bud like? Not drinkin' hasn't been too tough, but I still think about weed quite often...

Fubarcdn

Glad you came back Grrr. I know the friends thing is really hard at first and a lot of people slip but it sounds like you want to do this or you wouldn't be here.
We are here for you unconditionally.

James13

grrr, pot was my DOC as well. Some days are really rough. Others it doesn't even cross my mind. I tried to moderate quite a few times. I can relate to your stuggle. I wanted another job, but never pursued it because I couldn't lay off the bud for a month.

Good thing you feel cautious. That probably means you are mindful and aware with eyes wide open. Thanks for sharing this, I needed to see this.

Much love

grrrr

I have thought about you DK. I know that you have the MJ problem as well. (By the way, I am a sis, not a bro. hehe) I also looked up LifeRing meetings in my area...

What was it like? Great question. It was absolutely hellish. I promised myself I wouldn't smoke in the morning and told myself that I knew that being high 24/7 wasn't fun. And what did I proceed to do? Smoked 24/7 and felt like absolute crap about myself.
I stopped taking care of my health (bad eating habits, cough is back), was not reading books, and I could not feel a thing! I realized that the constant high of MJ is what I was seeking, but that it was nowhere near as good as the highs and lows of real life. That the MJ high is not satisfying at all. Real life events and good choices make me feel good about myself and 'high' in a natural way. The MJ high makes me feel like crap about myself and at the same time almost powerless to change it. And then I ended up in a bad situation and drank as well!!
Enough was enough. I threw out any paraphernalia I had. Trust me, it was not what I thought it would be. And I am more committed than ever to not 'cheating' on the MJ and keeping as far away from it as possible.

grrrr

James I have read your posts as well. Thanks for sharing, I have been able to relate to your stories. Down with the evil green bud!!