Gonna Give it a Go...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 46
Gonna Give it a Go...
Hey everyone. My name is Erin, and I'm a 25 year old Mother to a 3 year old boy. I am an alcoholic. I am giving sobriety a real chance, starting today.
Growing up with an alcoholic Father, I always swore I would never drink. My first alcoholic beverage was at 20 in college. I began drinking because I dated someone who drank, and low and behold it got its grips on me. I never thought it was an issue. In fact, I felt better about being in social groups because the alcohol would take the edge off.
One night, after drinking a whole lot of captain and cokes, I woke up to find that all of my friends were mad at me. I had apparently knocked on all their doors in the middle of the night and when they answered, I screamed "YOU ARE A ******* *****" and slammed the door in their faces. My girlfriend at the time apparently tried to get me to bed and I threw her against a wall, breaking her favorite watch. I realized then that I might have a problem. But being young and stupid, I blamed it on hard liquor and decided to stick to beer.
After college, I joined the Military. The 6 months in basic training were good for me. I wasn't allowed to drink and I didn't miss it. While visiting home one month, I went to a party (bad idea) and got really drunk off beer. Three months later I find out I am pregnant. What a shocker! I am a lesbian, so I had no clue what happened. After some questioning, I find out that I actually slept with a boy at that party back home. Anyway, I followed through with the pregnancy.
Now that was 3 years ago. For the past 3 years, I have been drinking socially. My problem has never been that I drink too often. It's that when I do drink, I drink way too much and end up blacking out. I blamed it on being young. I kept thinking that if all my friends could go out and have a few drinks and call it a night, then so could I. So I never actually tried to cut drinking from my life.
I met a woman 10 months ago and we have had what I would call an amazing relationship.....minus my drinking problem. She and my son have bonded, she treats me like a princess.....it's just too good to be true. Now, she plays in a band and is out at the bar scene a lot. Usually, I don't go. But this past summer, I went out with her and ended up blacking out and making a fool of myself. I told her to shut up when she tried to get me to stop drinking and I actually even wet the bed that night.
I promised her I would cut back on my drinking. I swore that I would get a handle on things. And for awhile, I was doing really well....only having 2 or 3 beers when I went out instead of 8 or 9.
Last night, we were supposed to be celebrating our 10 month anniversary. Stupid me decided to have a glass of wine with dinner before she came over.....1 glass turned into 4 and I got good and drunk before she even arrived. I blacked out, only to wake up this morning not even having recalled whether or not she came over. Turns out she did, asked me if I had been drinking, and I lied and said no.
Now here is my problem....I am not an idiot...I know that she can tell when I've had even 1 drink....and I can't grasp what in the world made me think that it was okay to drink before she came over. I knew it would cause a fight, yet I did it anyway.
So it was hard to come to terms with......that I'm only 25 and an alcoholic and that I really need to kick the habit forever. It's hard to think about the rest of my life with no alcohol at all. But I need to do it. It's ruining my relationship, my friendships....everything. Drinking and trying to hide it has caused anxiety and depression, and then the anxiety and depression causes me to drink.
I am hoping this site will help me out a lot. I actually joined a similar board a few years back to help me find the strength to get out of an abusive relationship with someone with a personality disorder. I'm hoping this site and reading about and learning about the experiences of others will help me greatly.
Thanks!
Growing up with an alcoholic Father, I always swore I would never drink. My first alcoholic beverage was at 20 in college. I began drinking because I dated someone who drank, and low and behold it got its grips on me. I never thought it was an issue. In fact, I felt better about being in social groups because the alcohol would take the edge off.
One night, after drinking a whole lot of captain and cokes, I woke up to find that all of my friends were mad at me. I had apparently knocked on all their doors in the middle of the night and when they answered, I screamed "YOU ARE A ******* *****" and slammed the door in their faces. My girlfriend at the time apparently tried to get me to bed and I threw her against a wall, breaking her favorite watch. I realized then that I might have a problem. But being young and stupid, I blamed it on hard liquor and decided to stick to beer.
After college, I joined the Military. The 6 months in basic training were good for me. I wasn't allowed to drink and I didn't miss it. While visiting home one month, I went to a party (bad idea) and got really drunk off beer. Three months later I find out I am pregnant. What a shocker! I am a lesbian, so I had no clue what happened. After some questioning, I find out that I actually slept with a boy at that party back home. Anyway, I followed through with the pregnancy.
Now that was 3 years ago. For the past 3 years, I have been drinking socially. My problem has never been that I drink too often. It's that when I do drink, I drink way too much and end up blacking out. I blamed it on being young. I kept thinking that if all my friends could go out and have a few drinks and call it a night, then so could I. So I never actually tried to cut drinking from my life.
I met a woman 10 months ago and we have had what I would call an amazing relationship.....minus my drinking problem. She and my son have bonded, she treats me like a princess.....it's just too good to be true. Now, she plays in a band and is out at the bar scene a lot. Usually, I don't go. But this past summer, I went out with her and ended up blacking out and making a fool of myself. I told her to shut up when she tried to get me to stop drinking and I actually even wet the bed that night.
I promised her I would cut back on my drinking. I swore that I would get a handle on things. And for awhile, I was doing really well....only having 2 or 3 beers when I went out instead of 8 or 9.
Last night, we were supposed to be celebrating our 10 month anniversary. Stupid me decided to have a glass of wine with dinner before she came over.....1 glass turned into 4 and I got good and drunk before she even arrived. I blacked out, only to wake up this morning not even having recalled whether or not she came over. Turns out she did, asked me if I had been drinking, and I lied and said no.
Now here is my problem....I am not an idiot...I know that she can tell when I've had even 1 drink....and I can't grasp what in the world made me think that it was okay to drink before she came over. I knew it would cause a fight, yet I did it anyway.
So it was hard to come to terms with......that I'm only 25 and an alcoholic and that I really need to kick the habit forever. It's hard to think about the rest of my life with no alcohol at all. But I need to do it. It's ruining my relationship, my friendships....everything. Drinking and trying to hide it has caused anxiety and depression, and then the anxiety and depression causes me to drink.
I am hoping this site will help me out a lot. I actually joined a similar board a few years back to help me find the strength to get out of an abusive relationship with someone with a personality disorder. I'm hoping this site and reading about and learning about the experiences of others will help me greatly.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
All you have to think about is ONE DAY AT A TIME. Each day you can liv sober is a gift to you & your son! I'm glad you found this place. There are so many great people here with so much grat advise.
Congrats to you for making the decision for to have today be your Day 1!
Hope you stay, post & make friends here!
~Jules
Congrats to you for making the decision for to have today be your Day 1!
Hope you stay, post & make friends here!
~Jules
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Hello Erin, welcome to SR! 
I'm a 44 year old single parent to two amazing kids, age 11 & 13. Sobriety has given me a chance to be the best father I'm capable of being, it's the greatest gift I've ever received. I hope you find the help and support that you're looking for here.
I'm a 44 year old single parent to two amazing kids, age 11 & 13. Sobriety has given me a chance to be the best father I'm capable of being, it's the greatest gift I've ever received. I hope you find the help and support that you're looking for here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Hello Erin, welcome to SR!!! This is a fantastic place for support and encouragement. I am 109 days sober today, and I don't think I would have made it past day 4 if it wasn't for SR. Keep reading and posting... we learn from you as much you learn from others!
You should be very proud that you are a 25 year old young adult ready to make a difference in your life. You can do this... just take one day at time and try not to look a head. Live in the now!
Shannon :ghug3
You should be very proud that you are a 25 year old young adult ready to make a difference in your life. You can do this... just take one day at time and try not to look a head. Live in the now!
Shannon :ghug3
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome Erin.
Plenty of support here at SR. A lot of us have the same MO as you. Binge drinkers. Unfortunately a lot of us took a longer time than you to relize it.
It is your time now for you, your SO and your child. It will be hard but you can do it if you want it bad enough.
Plenty of support here at SR. A lot of us have the same MO as you. Binge drinkers. Unfortunately a lot of us took a longer time than you to relize it.
It is your time now for you, your SO and your child. It will be hard but you can do it if you want it bad enough.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Welcome Erin, this is my first day on here and like you my first day sober and trying to get on the path to recovery. My experience so far has been a good one with the people on here. So caring and understanding. We're both doing day 1 together, it'll be a long road, but if we take it a day at a time I'm sure we can make it with plenty of help and support from others who understand.
Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Hi Erin,
It breaks my heart to see someone so young with a drinking problem. Thank goodness you are so young that you can knock it off and just move on to a life of sobriety. Most of us older folks (I am 45) who have more experience with this realize that we can't just have one. It always always always turns into more and then disaster hits.
Please also remember that you need to be not only a role model to your son, but you are all he has to keep him safe in this world. God forbid your house ever caught fire and you were to blitzed to save him. God forbid he swallows something harmfull and you are to drunk to take him to the doctor. God forbid you black out and you wake up with the front door open and he's gone. There are alot of "god forbids" out there.
I thank my lucky stars I never drank when my kid was little just for those reasons. My problem really started after he went to college and I was so sad. I must admit I am proud I was sober all those years and now I can look back be proud that every moment of his childhood I was the best mother in the world.
If you don't get sober for yourself, get sober for the people in your life. congrats on finding that special person,,,get sober for her too.
I will be thinking about ya!
It breaks my heart to see someone so young with a drinking problem. Thank goodness you are so young that you can knock it off and just move on to a life of sobriety. Most of us older folks (I am 45) who have more experience with this realize that we can't just have one. It always always always turns into more and then disaster hits.
Please also remember that you need to be not only a role model to your son, but you are all he has to keep him safe in this world. God forbid your house ever caught fire and you were to blitzed to save him. God forbid he swallows something harmfull and you are to drunk to take him to the doctor. God forbid you black out and you wake up with the front door open and he's gone. There are alot of "god forbids" out there.
I thank my lucky stars I never drank when my kid was little just for those reasons. My problem really started after he went to college and I was so sad. I must admit I am proud I was sober all those years and now I can look back be proud that every moment of his childhood I was the best mother in the world.
If you don't get sober for yourself, get sober for the people in your life. congrats on finding that special person,,,get sober for her too.
I will be thinking about ya!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome Erin, and glad you joined the family. Lots of support and understanding here. Lots of good info too. I'm glad you found us and congrats on making the decision to stop drinking. The first week might be a little rough but it will get better.
:ghug3
:ghug3
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Congratulations on recognizing you're an alcoholic, so difficult to admit. When I was 25 I had no clue, was in complete denial. I had many more years of binging and trying to moderate, leaving a path of destruction behind me. This is a great place, and these people helped get me sober and have kept me that way. We're so glad you've joined us and look forward to hearing your progress - it sounds like you have alot to look forward to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
Hello Erin!
It's great, that you are so young, and yet recognize the need for change.
You can quit now!
Or, you can keep getting progressively worse if you keep drinking, (as I'm sure all the other 'oldtimers' here will agree).
Alcohol will turn your life into an ongoing, deepening, nightmare, and make your recent experiences look tame by comparison.
Quit now.
You can do it!
It's great, that you are so young, and yet recognize the need for change.
You can quit now!
Or, you can keep getting progressively worse if you keep drinking, (as I'm sure all the other 'oldtimers' here will agree).
Alcohol will turn your life into an ongoing, deepening, nightmare, and make your recent experiences look tame by comparison.
Quit now.
You can do it!
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