College student addicted to Xanax & pain killers...help please!
I'm going to start by giving some background. I grew up in a wealthy suburb of San Diego. I started abusing xanax/norcos in 11th grade and haven't stopped. I would use these every night. I would use them until I could barely open my eyes. Despite this addiction, I never did pills during school. School was always first. My GPA was a 4.15 in HS (because AP courses are weighted more), I am a champion level horse back rider...placed second out of everyone in San Diego County. I rode horses 3 times a week (Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday). I volunteered with a day care that consisted of hispanic kids 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I played on a rec. soccer team all four years during high school. I also was a second degree brown belt, just below black.
I ended up on the honor roll every quarter in HS (among other awards), got a 2140 on my SAT, got a $10,000 scholarship each year to a prestigious college.
Sounds like every parent's dream kid right? My parents had NO clue, because I love to socialize with parents and one of my other addictions is success and having others (my parents and their friends are doctors and other very wealthy/successful people). I look like a perfect kid. I'm clean, well dressed, polite, very well informed in politics, but at dinner parties I would look immaculate, but i would always take 4Mg xanax ( ALOT) or 3 Norcos (6 vicodin). I would be "messed up" but not to the point of complete intoxication. It was fun for me. Cocaine is okay, not nearly as fun as xanax, but it's fun just to do it at parties with parents....go into the bathroom...blow a couple of lines and go talk and talk and talk.
But I really was not a happy person. Everyone thought I was. I hated the idea of going to college and I would literally cry myself to sleep every night.
I'm a sophomore at this great university, doing well, going to intern with my congressman in DC this summer and I have two others as back up. I still abuse drugs. I can't get my hands on pain killers, so I stick to Xanax and Ambien. LIke now, I'm on 4 mg of xanax typing this.
But, unlike in HS, I am happier. I don't feel the depression that I did in HS. But I am a drug addict....a highly functioning one at that. I LOVE Xanax, it just makes me feel so relaxed and I love the feeling of going to sleep on it.
Although most people (I've heard it) say what a great person I am, but there's two sides to every coin. If they knew what I was doing, they would never believe it.
Basically, I realized that my drug use isn't good. I can function quite fine, but this isn't a way to live.
What should I do?