shanman422

The subject may make it seem like I am saying it's boring... Believe me, I don't think it is. I'M LOVING sobriety... Today I am 107 Days sober!!! And it feels really good to be able to say that. I want to share my happiness with the world. But why do I feel like I can't talk about it with my friends? Days and weeks into my recovery, I didn't want to... I didn't want to jinx myself or fail. I needed to prove to myself how serious I was about getting my life together. Now I feel grounded, on the right path and very proud that I have made it thus far! The only time it comes up is when someone asks how long it's been since I had a drink, which I like (again, very proud).

This past Sunday we had our friends over to watch the superbowl. My one friend Karen asked how long it's been and I said almost 4 months... she asked a few more questions like, NEVER AGAIN are you going to drink? And I said that's what my goal is. My other friend Jen walked in from another room and asked what we were talking about and I told her how long I have been sober, and she kinda seemed annoyed that we were talking about it. She said "to each it's own". I felt uncomfortable and dropped it right away.

I dont' know... I don't expect to get praised every time it comes up either. I just didn't expect that type of reaction from her either.

Has anyone else felt like when your own sobriety comes up, it's a boring subject for everyone else?

Thanks! Shannon

TryingSoHard

For me, it doesn't come up because only 3 people know: my husband, my best friend, and one other friend. It's not at all a boring subject to my husband, but that's not what you're talking about. It MUST be boring to my best friend because she NEVER asks. NEVER. And occasionally she sends me texts to tell me she's going to get drunk. Thanks a lot... The other friend... well... we just don't talk about it. I TOLD her about it, because I felt that it was important for her specifically to know this about me (I have my reasons with her), and I'm sure if I WANTED to tell her anything she'd listen. But it just doesn't come up.

I have not "gone public" with my problem so it doesn't come up in casual conversation. Ever.

TryingSoHard

p.s. CONGRATULATIONS on your 107 days!!!! That is fantastic!!

sfgirl

It sucks that you can't expect people to be as gung-ho about you quitting as you are. I always downplay me quitting alcohol, and it sounds like you kind of do too, exactly because I can't control people's reactions to it. If I am ever vehement about it people tell me I don't really have a problem, that I am over-reacting, etc. So basically I sort of keep what I need to say to a minimum and leave it at that. And Jen's reaction wasn't exactly supportive. When I quit cigarettes a long time ago in college (I was smoking way too much—2 packs a day) my friends all laughed at me when I announced it. Some of them took bets on when I would start again. I almost think my anger at them made me want it more. However, I don't think that sort of emotion could carry me through sobriety and recovery. And it wasn't very pleasant feeling so alone. The other thing I think about you giving up alcohol is that it sheds light on your friend's drinking, so if you give it up, and you had always been Jen's drinking buddy, she might be feeling insecure about her own drinking seeing you quit. Her comments are less a reflection about what she thinks about you and sobriety and maybe more a defensive reaction? Or if not even analyzing it that much, people just don't always say what you want and that sort of sucks.

I mean last party I was at I was apologizing for not being fun so at least you weren't doing that.

Wombat05

I want to "own" my sobriety. Thinking about telling friends and family makes me nervous--but at least for me--it will give me a sense that I have been honest with the most important person that has to do with my sobriety: Me.
I honestly think some people will come off as bored, or disinterested in the subject because of the uncomfortableness of the introspection they may do about their own habits.
Congrats on your 107--I can't wait to get there. In 105 days.

Fubarcdn

I have told anybody that has asked because most activities with my friends ainvolved drinking so it lets them know in advance that that won't be happening so if it is important to them that drinking is involved they may as well leave me off the call list. Most of them haven't called and I am OK with that because all we had in common is bar hopping.
With the ones I am close with after the original disclosure it is not something I bring up. It is a matter of fact thing:what it is is what it is.
I get it completely though because when I was a drinker I didn't want to be around non drinkers either.

ToABetterMe

I totally understand what you are saying. I honestly don't think anyone believes in me except my parents. And possibly my Brother in Law. As he got his last DUI 5 yrs ago, And has done the AA, and lost his brother to addiction right before that.

Other than the friends & support I have gotten from here, I do find it very hard to talk to my friends about this, as they all drink.

Richard54

I'm a noob with 11 days, and the only person who knows I have quit drinking is my wife.

When the question of my not drinking has come up, I just explain I'm on medication and, "No thanks."

Currently I am operating on a 'need to know' basis.

I'm not into grandstanding, I'm doing this for myself.

107 days for you?
WOW!
Good going, however you did it!

michigangirl

I have not annouced to many people myself about not drinking, but I have been around people when they quit drinking (and I was still drinking), and not really wanting to discuss it when they brought it up, because I think I already knew I had a problem, but was in denial. Talking about it with them, would make me take a good look at myself.

Great job on 107 days. Hope I can get there!!

Rouxballs

For the most part I drank alone. I think it was boring when I drank alone.
Now I am sober and I have more fun just not drinking.
Does that make sense?

Julesy

Way to go Rouxballs.107 days!!WOW. I was sober for 2 months last Sep/Oct and my friends had a hard time understanding. The first question from their lips was "So I hear you're not drinking?" It sort of bothered me, until I realised it was their problem not mine. I have fallen off the wagon since then (but not with them), but am now back on track again. I figure if they find me boring sober, then what sort of friends are they anyway?

Gypsy Feet

I think my friends and family are worried I will start judging them or preaching to them because they all drink. Most of them drink more than I did even, so it makes them nervous, like if I have a problem they must too. So I just don't bring it up, and if it comes up I down play it. I know what I am doing is right for me, that's all that matters at this point.

Rouxballs

Thats funny you say that Julesy.
When I tell people I quit drinking they ask me why. Did you have a problem?
Or how much did you drink and how often?
That really dont matter. If you think about it, just 1 drink is bad. This alcohol is NOT good for anyone. It may be good for cleaning or preventing infections in wounds but it is not good for our insides.
I am from now on not even going to talk about it to anyone unless they ask. On the 22cnd I am going to a concert at a bar and this will be my first really big test.
I think I am going to ace it.

Rouxballs

you slipped that post in while I was typing my post---you took the words right out of my mouth.
People who do drink dont want to really hear about us quitting.
Most of my friends dont drink and some that I work with dont but many that I work with do and I dont think they want to hear about me quitting.
I do work with 2 people(husband and wife) who are recovering alcoholics and are sober for 3 years now--they ask me how I am doing all the time--its nice.
They even told me they will give me a coin from there AA class. I dont know anything about the AA classes I never went to them.

joinedintime

I get that same feeling too, even from my drinking friends that are supportive. It's like it makes them realize they could quit too and they don't want to think about it. I was like that when I was drinking so I understand. The worse my drinking became, the less I wanted to hear about anyone's sobriety.

So for talking about it - I can take it or leave it. But I'm happy that I'm over 6 months now. It was rough around 90 days which I hear is quite common, so if you haven't hit that bump yet, just know that you can make it and it does gradually get better....at least that's how it's working for me.

TryingSoHard

I'll agree with that.

llenroc66

My friends are still my friends but they don't understand that addiction is real and tangible. They all still drink, without the problems I create for myself, so the issue doesn't connect to them. They are supportive in voice but can't appreciate the day-to-day physical and mental BS because they aren't addicts. Insanity is just a word to them.

They aren't addicts and shouldn't understand. They do what they think they can to support me and I am grateful. They still tell drinking stories and I laugh and can add my own...

Sometimes I am so involved in my own problems that I expect much of others. Most of them have families and problems and aren't worried about my hourly stuff / S.

I am rambling again, but, I tell whom I want to know what I want them to know. Some of the best people in my inner circle can handle it and I want them in. Others can't, or won't, or don't care to understand. I tell them I have some severe allergies or that the meds I take don't always work well together. All true, but following the, "fake it 'till you make it..." version...


One of my best friends is about 10 years older than me and he went to a coach's conference last year. He came back with, and repeated all the time, "I can't control other's reactions. I just need to make my decisions and if they don't like it, it is out of my control." That is a paraphrase. Is that not crap? I don't exactly know why I added that on, but it pisses me off.

Rusty Zipper

shan for me, it depends on the situation...

the ones that have a sincere intrest, i do not think its boring...

the ones that ask, because they might have a problem, i'm thrilled to pass on some hope...

the ones that say, to each his/her own...

yep, its my recovery, and grateful for it...

and if i'm boring you, maybe we can yap about it in the future... ahem!

as its not just about putting drink or drug down, its about growth, maturity, facing my fears and inner self, and living life as it comes on by...

good wishes shan, and nothing in recovery should be boring...

we have another chance at life, and lets life it...

rz

Jules62

I think what we tend to forget-because we're alcoholics is-most 'normies' don't ever think 'Gosh-I was sober all day today!' LOL.It never enters their minds because it's simply not a problem for them.They don't see a sober day as a boring one.It's just a day like any other.Drinking doesn't even feature as an issue like it does for us. I don't bore my friends with it.It's not that they wouldn't care.I just don't think it'd be very interesting to them and that's fine.

Funny really.We're so obsessed a lot of the time!

CarolD

By the time I decided to quit..
all my companions were also excessive drinkers.

When I said I was attending AA and now keeping
my apartment a no drinking zone..most drifted away.

I found new friends who shared my new goals and
lifestyle in the rooms of AA.
We did all sorts of fun things...had a blast!...


Since I finally quit drinking in '89...26 of those former
friends have died from alcohol related causes.
I've shared about them on SR .... "My Dead Friends"
What a senseless waste of life...

Congratulations on your 107 days
Forward we go..side by side.