Sara9009

This is the first time in a long time DH will be gone (work related, for a month) and I will be sober. Also the first time, in a long time, there will be no phone contact.

I am never happy to see him leave but in a really sick way when he left I basically drank however much until I passed out because he wasn't here telling me to take it easy and I was less alone because I was well... drunk.

I guess this is a huge test for me. I am just so afraid I am going to screw it up and he is going to come back home to a drunk wife. More importantly, I am going to dissapoint myself. I absolutely have to stop thinking about drinking as any form of an option to get through this. Honestly, I am not even sure I am considering it as an option I am just scared I might.

I guess I just need to know I am not alone right now.

Fubarcdn

We are ll here for you Sara so if you do get the urge come here and post and read and read and post and the urge will go away and you will be stronger.

geoff

Have you gone to any meetings?

mamabin

I am soooo with you. I medicate with alcohol. My husband hates coming home to a drunk and I hate feeling horrible and ashamed the next day. Today is day 4 for me, and if I really feel like I'm going to drink, I promised myself I'd get to a meeting. That 30 day chip is really something to shoot for. Hopefully I won't end up with a pile of 24 hour chips but I'm going to keep trying and keep reminding myself of how I used to feel in the morning.

Sara9009

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it. I just kinda woke up and panicked and decided to come here first. It didn't help that my two smallest dogs decided to go on a stroll on my acreage and I spent 30 minutes looking for them. It is fenced off but I do not want them wandering around. I am calm now knowing that you guys are here for me and I am here for you. Today I am going to be reading, knitting, watch some movies, hang out with my dogs and dog/cat, and read SR.

Geoff, I appreciate the suggestion but I have some fundamental disagreements with AA. However, if the plan I am working now does not work I will consider anything. If running down main street naked will keep me sober I am doing it.

Congrats on day 4 Mamabin. Isn't the dissapointed look just the worst when they see you drunk? It's definitely nice to wake up and not sit and wonder if I did something obnoxious the night before. Funny, for the first few weeks I was sober I still woke up with that panicked what did I do? Around day 30'ish it finally stopped. (I stopped counting and just took my date December 28th)

geoff

I totally understand, I'm an agnostic and have major issues with the god thing; don't know if that's one of your disagreements.

Fubarcdn

When you are going to do this please let us know in advance. We could use some excitement around here.I should probably be quiet before you hit me.

least

Sara, you're not alone - we are here for you. I hope you don't have to run down the street naked to stay sober, but, whatever works...

Stick close to SR today. We'll help you any way we can!:ghug3

Horselover

Need a plan B. Its too cold for that Sara. Glad you posted and hope you will continue to post if you have an urge. Do know that the urges come and go though.

I also used to drink when my husband traveled. I was all alone and it felt like I "needed" it. I think about it now and I am thankful I was safe and nothing happened because it would have been hard to take care of when I was passed out. This was before son was born. I just wanted to say I know it can get lonely and the suggestion of AA was probably somewhat made so you would have some friends to call that knew what it was like and could help you or just go out for a cup of coffee if you needed. Maybe you have friends like that already. Again, I'm glad you did post and I hope you'll continue to if need be.

doorknob

Two questions:

1) What does DH stand for?

2) Do you have a picture of that beast?

Sara9009

DH - Dear Husband, D*amn Husband.... Etcetera just whatever the mood suits.

The beast actually looks like a cat but sleeps with my dogs, grooms them, eats dog food (thankfully will eat his own food as well since he needs the nutrition), waits for treats with the dogs and sits on command, and howls like he is being strangled when the dogs get to go outside to go potty and he doesn't. Strange cat.

Sara9009

My plan B is through my favorite Professors when I was getting my Psych Degree. He does counseling and I have spoken with him and can call anytime but if I need to I can go and see him on a professional basis.

If I find myself driving to the liquor store I will drive to an AA Meeting First. On the plus side it is like 40 minutes away and I am just not motivated enough for that.

My Mom is going to come and spend a week with me too which is nice. My best friend here is from Italy and so is her husband and they really don't understand the concept of not drinking wine. It is literally a no thanks I am not drinking and I have a glass in my hand to hand over to my husband. Followed with you are not an alcoholic stop being silly kind of thing.

Sara9009

There are a lot of issues and I definitely don't want to turn the thread into an AA vs. No-AA thing so please no one take my answers as such I know it helps people and I think that is great.

To answer your question I am an atheist. I know the HP can be anything but surrendering my power to a rock or any other inanimate object doesn't seem like the smartest thing for me (personally) to do when I think I need to fight as hard as I can.

A lot more fundamental issues with the program but I will leave it at that. Again I know it works for some people and I think that is absolutely awesome.

SummerSkye

[QUOTE The beast actually looks like a cat but sleeps with my dogs, grooms them, eats dog food (thankfully will eat his own food as well since he needs the nutrition), waits for treats with the dogs and sits on command, and howls like he is being strangled when the dogs get to go outside to go potty and he doesn't. Strange cat.[/QUOTE]

This gave me such a laugh ( and I was needing one), pets are just the best!

Sara9009

LOL, as long as everyone can take up some collective bail money and vouch that this was very important to my recovery.

Sara9009

Thanks everyone for your support and making me smile. I feel a lot better and re-centered. I think I am going to go and relax with a nice book.

lovinmenow

HI Sara,
Boy I can relate. My hubby travels 5 days a week. It was real hard for me in the beginning. I kept relapsing and then realized that I need to take responsibility for myself. I don't like being drunk, getting sick and worse feeling like that alone.

Being on this board, reading a lot about alchoholism and keeping real busy has really helped me set myself straight. As children our parent raise us. As adults we have to raise ourselves.

Here is a picture of my dog as a puppy to make you smile!


Smae dog as an adult:

Sara9009

LMN - What an absolute cutie. They are such great company. I don't know what I would do w/o my little fur family.

lovinmenow

BTW Sara,
I can also relate to the fact that you are an atheist, me too. I also have a psych degree! And cute pups!!

doorknob

I never quite finished my psych degree...

Here's a cute pic for ya!