Music man

Seems like I come across this time in life over and over again. Well I start by saying I have always been addicted to something. I have an addictive personality, it's all or nothing for me. I can't just enjoy a little of something I have to do it all.
I would like to say that I have been clean from what was my drug of choice for 7 years . In that time I have developed quite a drinking problem. Well I guess I am a very successful alcoholic, I have a business and live in a haze, somehow I am able to keep the dough coming in,
with that I have always said "the drinking isn't hurting anything, I am able to keep everything in order".
Well that is one giant lie, I drink a pint a night like it's water. I am tired of it.
Last night was the first night I have gone without a drink In quite a while.
I always do this, I can go 5 days and then have a glass of wine at a dinner and I am pouring the liquor down. The problem is I like it tooo much, in fact It makes my mouth water just thinking about it.
I hope that I can gain some support and be pushed in the right direction here. Thanks for listening to my ramble.:praying

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.

Fubarcdn

Welcome Hardwired. If you took a survey here you probably wouldn't find one person that isn't in love with their DOC.
Most of us have come to realize that dabbling doesn't work and in order to stay sober we can't take that first drink.
This is my only form of support and it has been remarkable.
Make yourself at home read and post and I am certain you will find the same.
We are all here to help each other; nothing more and nothing less.
Good luck on your journey.

shaun00

hi and welcome to s.r

I have that addictive personality....gene..whatever you wanna call it.

Although primarly im a alcoholic..........i will kick the backside out of most things that make me feel good..........if im not vigilant around it.

sex........gambling.......money.......etc the list goes on.

Given free reign i will do these things till im sick of them and they start to create problems with me and others.

Thankfully my life pretty free of addictive behavior these days......one day at a time.

Most of that is thanks to the AA twelve steps.....it helped me to look at my life..........minus the denial........and gave me belief i could change.

It is possible to get and stay sober..........and change.

alcohol will destroy you.....im sure you know.......it wont care whether your successful........or have a family........i believe it ultimate goal is to put me in the ground.

This is what i believe.......if i drink i have three routes

1....Jail
2....insanity
3...death.

Keep posting my friend........we can do this together.

God be with you...........trucker

mamabin

I go to extremes as well. All the way in or all the way out. No in betweens. I've come to the decision that this demon in my head that keeps telling me I can have "just a couple" isn't fooling me anymore. The beer that gets me in trouble is the first one. Who do I think I've been kidding all this time?

grateful2b

Hi and welcome to our community
There is a lot of support and good information, so have a look around.

yeahgr8

Hi there and welcome:-)

Sara9009

Welcome to SR. Congrats on your decision.

colagirl

Hi and welcome! Your story sounds a lot like mine. I'm slowly learning to identify when I'm acting based on the disease and trying to adjust those behaviors. This is a great place for support!

least

Welcome HF! You've come to a good place for support in living a clean and sober life. Good for you for not drinking last night. You CAN stay sober but you've gotta want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Congrats on deciding to live sober. It really is so much better a life. My worst day sober is still way better than my best day drinking.

Music man

Everybody makes me feel so good, Thank you. I think support is exactly what is going to help me. My wife is supportive but I think she is clueless to how much of a problem it is, she just sees the bills paid and me at work 6/7 days a week and that makes it look ok for me to pour down 6 beers in between my pints and glasses of wine.
Today was the first day I can remember without a hangover.

Here is the scary part I'm about to close for the day and I feel like drinking, I'm not going to, I told my wife I have stopped for a few days (scared to commit) I don't lie to my wife so I must fulfill my few days. I just have no clue on what I'm going to do? If I don't drink what Else is there to do?

CarolD

Why not take that addictive personality and make good use of it?

...I'm addicted to AA recovery.
and that will give you lots to do too.

Blessings to you and your wife
Welcome to SR...

Music man

What an awesome Idea. I don't know why I have never thought of it like that.
Outstanding. I am going to reprogram and think on it like that. I am going to find the meetings and a sponsor and learn the steps and become damn good at it. Thank you. I feel this will be my new home. I'm going to give it my all...

CarolD

That's good news....

We do have a place here for you to check out
It's the Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum

Please read the top 2 sticky post about AA
that are on the Forum.

We have many active members ...so do begin
a new thread on the main page so they will
reply and give you support.

...It's ok to use several Forums for your benefit.
I'll look forward to seeing you there too..

ToABetterMe

I Hope you were able to stay strong. I know with super bowl it was hard for alot of us!

Come here often & know that we are all here to help eachother!

Music man

So tonight my wife and I went out to a nice restaurant. The first thing they handed me was the wine and booze list, I tell you what, that was the heaviest piece of paper I ever held. I had lemonade, and my wife was astonished. I kept thinking in the back of my head I want to be able to tell all of you I made another night.

I feel a little nervous and tight. I am very edgy and my eyes hurt?
I have been a little short with my wife tonight and a little shakey, for the most part I think, no I know I will be able to get through these first days.

No matter how much juice or water I drink I still feel very thirsty. I have beer in the fridge and half a bottle in the cabinet, I think it such a waste to throw it away. should I save it for company?

ViciousCycle

I think everyone is different with that......I have booze above my fridge and could care less about it........some folks don't want it anywhere in the house.......that's something only you can decide. You know yourself, will you be tempted??

Keep pounding the water to hydrate yourself. That shakey feeling will go away with time......hang in there!!!!!!

Glad you are with us!

ToABetterMe

That is all very common. And most have been through it. It was about 4-5 days before I finally didn't feel shaky. I know I read a few posts about people talking about snapping & anger stuff they went through when they quit. What your feeling is normal & you are going to remember those feelings when you think of drinking, because you know you don't want to go through the detox stuff again. It sucks!

Stay, post, read & become part of the SR family!

Music man

I would say I feel like I'm part of the family here already, and while I was in the bathroom my wife was reading a little here and realized what I'm trying to do, and she told me with a big smile "I'm so proud of you!"
I just want to be normal. I don't want to be so obsessive about everything. Damn why Am I like that?
I feel like I am lower than the rest because of my addiction. I feel like I am weak and will never be normal. I hate myself for living like this for so long, what a waste of life.

You never realize just how addicted you are until you stop and talk about it with someone, but you don't want your friends and family to know how bad it is so you just keep your mouth shut. I am happy I have this place where I can talk about it freely, thank you so much.

Fubarcdn

I am glad you are still with us. The first week is the hardest IMO. It is great that your wife is there to support you. Your relationship will improve so much in the next little while and for that alone it is worth it.