sfgirl

I just got back from going "out" as in out to a bar which is something I never do anymore ever since getting sober. But it was my friend's birthday and I sort of felt like getting out, changing the routine for once, although as it approached I had already had a long day and was feeling like I wanted to back out. I didn't though because another one of my friends who I was going with had been excited/nervous about it because her ex was maybe going to be there and needed emotional support and because I had already responded yes and would feel bad about backing out since I already am such a recluse of late. When I got there, and this bar actually was non-drinker friendly, as in they had really funky, yummy juices, probably picked because the guy's girlfriend is also sober, I just felt so agitated. I hated the crowd. I got a coffee, it took forever for the guy to give me service. I didn't want to be there and I just felt like I was keeping up appearances or something. I was feeling so agitated and I don't really understand why I didn't just leave or feel okay leaving. I kept apologizing for feeling strange being there and not being fun. Who apologizes for not being fun? I do, and in a way I sincerely feel it. In a way I feel like that is what people want me for which is probably why I am not too keen on people at the moment and more down with me, myself, and my dog. Also it was just so strange to be in a place that used to be like home to me and to instead feel so uncomfortable, agitated, just like I wanted to flee. I did duck out early with the help of my friends who also separately wanted to go. But I let them make the first move. I was scared to just stand up for myself and leave. And even when I left I kept saying "sorry, I'm boring. Ha, Ha." It is like I see myself as such a different person than before and while I so prefer who I am now, I wish I didn't feel this sincere need to apologize while in my old milieu for not being my old self. Does this make any sense? I am entirely too long-winded online. I apologize. (I can't believe I just apologized, ugh) I think that venture out will be the last for awhile.

Fubarcdn

This makes total sense as it is EXACTLY how I feel I will be. I think that you and I can be just as witty and fun sober as we were drinking but we just don't know it yet.
To prove this, mostly to myself, I have been making a conscious effort to try to be fun and funny on here and look for reactions. So far I will tell you it is hit and miss but at the bars it was also hit and miss.
Our real personality is still there and we don't need the booze to release it, all we need is the confidence to set it free. This is true whether it is being fun, being caring, going tough and solid, or just being.
Give it a try. It can't hurt and thanks for this post. It helped me cement my position on this,

sfgirl

During the day I am my fun self when I walk around with the dog and chat with people in the park, it is like I shifted. I think I even told someone on my way out "I am a werewolf or whoops the opposite- awake during day boring at night" Yeah, one day I will feel comfortable and unapologetic again in the bar as my more muted sober self, even though it will be more rare that I am there, just the special occasion, like b-day party, but now I am like a fish out of water.

shaun00

Thanks fubarcdn.........in your post you used the word confidence....and imo that is the key...

i can relate to both of you ......feeling awkward and like a fish out of water.

I remember trying the "bar" thing in early recovery with some sober friends.
Not something i what to do again..

alcohol was such a large part of me for a long time......it distorted my personality and charector..........it fact it became both.

Without alcohol it took time for me to re-learn communication skills and to feel confident again.

sfgirl......sounds to me like your doing fine.......just finding your feet.....and learning what works for you and what dont.

i think your both miracles and i admire both of you.........trucker

rebelTex

I had a similar day yesterday, although I didn't go anywhere fun. I had a morning counseling session follow by a few hours at the office. I'm trying to vary my routine so I don't sit home all day Saturday waiting to start my party. I got home around 3 pm and was so not fun, in fact down right grouchy. My new skin isn't wearing very well right now. But I understand that this is common and the fun will commence again at some point. I'm an ice cube out of a scotch tumbler!!

shaun00

i do a fair bit of walking/hiking...

Every now and then i buy a new pair of boots........and for that first month or two i swear there the worse boots ive ever bought.

They make my feet sore...there too bright....too stiff....too tight....too loose
And for a while i wished i wore my old boots..

After a few months.......i swear they are the BEST boots i ever bought...soft...supple....warm.........FAR better than my old boots.

I go home........throw my old leaky boots in the bin..(much to my wifes amusement)..........i much prefer my new boots.....and never want the old ones back.........................trucker

stone

Sfgirl, I noticed something in your post, or a lack of something...you didn't say that you wanted to drink when at the bar.
That is great!

It sounds like the experience freaked you out at the time...that is perfectly understandable. I wouldn't worry about it and I would spend some time relaxing with my dog and doing stuff I wanted to do from now on.

yeahgr8

When we used to go out in a group when i was drinking there would always be 1 or 2 people who would have a drink or two and leave, making some polite excuse, of course all us well at home drunks would try and make them stay but they would end up going...IMO...because they were bored! When i was drinking i could never understand why they left?! I've been out a couple of times in quite a similar situation as you wrote and after hour 1, hour 2, hour 3 and everyone starts the same conversation as they had in hour 1 i am bored out of my head and wanting to leave. I always said in the last couple of years of drinking in my regular boozehole that i would not be standing there if i was not a drunk and would not even evtertain talking to the drunks with me, which was met with a laugh...good old cliff etc...but i was right! Even thinking about standing there talking crap for 3 hours makes me shudder!