I'm new & have questions...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Spain
Posts: 20
I'm new & have questions...
Hi everyone, I just admitted I was an alcoholic 3 days ago. I'm a college student, worked as a cocktail waitress for 6 years, and started drinking -heavily- when I was 16. I often wondered if I had a drinking problem, b/c I always did moronic or mean things and blacked out a lot. I went to one AA meeting a year ago, but just started going again 4 days ago; I've been to one a day. I'm convinced I'm an alcoholic, and I've told my 2 roommates, my boyfriend & my dad. The friends & boyfriend all think I don't have a problem. My dad agrees with me and is so supportive, but my friends think everything is fine. (for the record, they all still work in bars) So my problem is I keep doubting myself and wonder if I'm making too big of a deal out of everything. Does anyone have ANY advice? I'm so confident that I'm doing the right thing one minute, then I feel like I'm being paranoid and over-dramatic. Please help me. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
hi flower and welcome ...you are amongst friends..
Sounds to me like you already know your alcoholic...
And only YOU really know that..........AA is a fantasic move...and coming here also
You have the support of your father which is also fantastic...and he also agrees with you.
Dont do what i did...........drunk for so many years as an alcoholic that i drove everyone away.....till i had nobody..
Be true to yourself..........the rest will just have to get used to it!
Its your health on the line..............................trucker
Sounds to me like you already know your alcoholic...
And only YOU really know that..........AA is a fantasic move...and coming here also
You have the support of your father which is also fantastic...and he also agrees with you.
Dont do what i did...........drunk for so many years as an alcoholic that i drove everyone away.....till i had nobody..
Be true to yourself..........the rest will just have to get used to it!
Its your health on the line..............................trucker
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
If you think you have a problem then you probably do. It is not surprising that your boyfriend and your friends do not think you have a problem because they are probably your drinking buddies and who would want to lose a drinking buddy over something like them thinking they have a problem.
The fact your dad sees it as you do have a problem may or may not have a bearing on your situation.
Blacking out is never good as those are brain cells that have now died.
Whatever you decide to do I want you to know that you can come here anytime and people will be willing to help, support, or just listen.
Good luck. You are am intelligent woman I am sure you will do what is best for you.
The fact your dad sees it as you do have a problem may or may not have a bearing on your situation.
Blacking out is never good as those are brain cells that have now died.
Whatever you decide to do I want you to know that you can come here anytime and people will be willing to help, support, or just listen.
Good luck. You are am intelligent woman I am sure you will do what is best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
When I told my family I got the line "you're not alcoholic, you just need to cut back a bit". Over the next couple of weeks I proceeded to write all the reasons I was alcoholic, including recounting several very embarassing moments, most of which were not known to anyone in the family.
When I was done I said in so many words that while everyone in the room may have done or said something they don't feel good about when drinking, I did it ALL THE TIME. I then said this is why I am alcoholic and I ask for your support.
My brother was a little skeptical still but I said you don't have to agree with me, just like I don't agree with the car you bought or the last job you took, you just have to accept it.
Everything is OK now. My sister has been to a couple of AA meetings with me and is very supportive.
So thats how I handled it.
When I was done I said in so many words that while everyone in the room may have done or said something they don't feel good about when drinking, I did it ALL THE TIME. I then said this is why I am alcoholic and I ask for your support.
My brother was a little skeptical still but I said you don't have to agree with me, just like I don't agree with the car you bought or the last job you took, you just have to accept it.
Everything is OK now. My sister has been to a couple of AA meetings with me and is very supportive.
So thats how I handled it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 212
Hi Flower, as fubar said... If you think you have a problem, then you most likely do. 'normal' drinkers don't usually question their drinking. I know I have a problem but I have friends and family members who doubt me when I tell them them I have a drinking problem. I think it is in part because I have been a high functioning alcoholic and because they don't want to examine their own drinking too closely.
Good luck to you - and Welcome!!
Good luck to you - and Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Hi flowers
Welcome...
I get what you mean about the doubting thoughts/feeling you have. I still cant say alcoholic when speaking about me. I drank heavily and knew i had a problem but i sometimes felt that it was disrespecting alcoholics if i said i was one. I also thought you had to drink a certain amount or everyday to be an alcoholic.
I've learned through coming here, talking to my counselor and reading that i have a real problem. I cant take that first drink and stop. I too had many blackouts, i have done alot of really embarrassing and dangerous things too.
As for friends. I dont hang with the people i used to just now. I only socialised in the pub and i am not ready to go there yet. I have spoke to these people tho and they don't think i have a problem. They thought i was having a good time and funny.
What i believe is that they were drinking along side me and roughly the same amounts. They might need to think about there intake too. Im a reminder of that. If they can persuade themselves i don't have a problem they might not either.
I also think if im worrying then i have the only opinion that matters.
I may not be saying this right and im sorry if im not and its only my opinion.
Im really glad you have your Dads support tho...it will help.
The people on this site are great too and have helped me loads...I'm still pretty new so am no expert...
Just read, post and above all do what feels right to you
Be well
Welcome...
I get what you mean about the doubting thoughts/feeling you have. I still cant say alcoholic when speaking about me. I drank heavily and knew i had a problem but i sometimes felt that it was disrespecting alcoholics if i said i was one. I also thought you had to drink a certain amount or everyday to be an alcoholic.
I've learned through coming here, talking to my counselor and reading that i have a real problem. I cant take that first drink and stop. I too had many blackouts, i have done alot of really embarrassing and dangerous things too.
As for friends. I dont hang with the people i used to just now. I only socialised in the pub and i am not ready to go there yet. I have spoke to these people tho and they don't think i have a problem. They thought i was having a good time and funny.
What i believe is that they were drinking along side me and roughly the same amounts. They might need to think about there intake too. Im a reminder of that. If they can persuade themselves i don't have a problem they might not either.
I also think if im worrying then i have the only opinion that matters.
I may not be saying this right and im sorry if im not and its only my opinion.
Im really glad you have your Dads support tho...it will help.
The people on this site are great too and have helped me loads...I'm still pretty new so am no expert...
Just read, post and above all do what feels right to you
Be well
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hey Flowers, welcome.
I too struggled with the question since I also got a lot of conflicting feedback from people. Actually, I take that back... I STILL struggle with the question of whether I'm an alcoholic, or whether alcohol was just an expression of a mental health problem. The two substance abuse programs I've gone to tried to rank me into a scale, "oh, you're at level six on the alcohol abuse scale, blah, blah, blah."
I think the easiest way to go about it is: would you be better off if you stopped drinking?
I answered "yes" and that's all I've needed.
I too struggled with the question since I also got a lot of conflicting feedback from people. Actually, I take that back... I STILL struggle with the question of whether I'm an alcoholic, or whether alcohol was just an expression of a mental health problem. The two substance abuse programs I've gone to tried to rank me into a scale, "oh, you're at level six on the alcohol abuse scale, blah, blah, blah."
I think the easiest way to go about it is: would you be better off if you stopped drinking?
I answered "yes" and that's all I've needed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 15
I agree with Isaiahs advice also.
What bad would come out of stopping?
You are trying to tell yourself something. Go easy on yourself and listen. Try to distinguish what could be your addiction talking and what is your Soul speaking.
Paranoia is actually a symptom of withdrawal, also.
Why not set small goals for yourself right now. Aside from the one day at a time, thing...
Why not say, I won't drink this whole week. Anyone not an alcoholic should be able to do that.
Good Luck! Glad you are here!
What bad would come out of stopping?
You are trying to tell yourself something. Go easy on yourself and listen. Try to distinguish what could be your addiction talking and what is your Soul speaking.
Paranoia is actually a symptom of withdrawal, also.
Why not set small goals for yourself right now. Aside from the one day at a time, thing...
Why not say, I won't drink this whole week. Anyone not an alcoholic should be able to do that.
Good Luck! Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Welcome to SR flower - I agree with the rest, if you think you have a problem than you probably do. I'm happy that you have the support of your father, you also have the support of everyone here. :ghug3
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Hey Flowers
First of all congratulations on taking the huge step of admitting to yourself that you are an alcoholic. I found it really hard to take that step. You are so welcome here and use the people who are on this site and use the phone numbers that you get from meetings. Noone wants anything from you, they just really want to help you and get you on the road to recovery.
Where your friends are concerned I know it's hard not to listen to opinions that you deep down want to agree with. I was the same when I first went into AA. I fought the good fight about being an alcoholic. I really didn't want to be one. I felt that being one was like giving excuses for all the things that I had done. Eventually I did settle down though and thankfully I have stayed a day at a time for over seven months now. Remember though as it says in the preamble. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Also you are the only one who can decide whether you are alcoholic or not. I'm pretty sure that you didn't go to AA for a laugh! You're there because you think you have a problem with your drinking and I suggest staying there as you really have arrived at the right place.
I wish you well in your recovery. Remember important things...
Take it a day at a time
Stay away from that first drink
If you can keep sober company and stay out of pubs and clubs
Many meetings make it easier - try 90 in 90 days
Read the Just For Today that you get it will give you strength
And remember...the serenity prayer can do wonders! Keep saying it if you need to.
God Bless and Good Luck - take good care of yourself xxx
First of all congratulations on taking the huge step of admitting to yourself that you are an alcoholic. I found it really hard to take that step. You are so welcome here and use the people who are on this site and use the phone numbers that you get from meetings. Noone wants anything from you, they just really want to help you and get you on the road to recovery.
Where your friends are concerned I know it's hard not to listen to opinions that you deep down want to agree with. I was the same when I first went into AA. I fought the good fight about being an alcoholic. I really didn't want to be one. I felt that being one was like giving excuses for all the things that I had done. Eventually I did settle down though and thankfully I have stayed a day at a time for over seven months now. Remember though as it says in the preamble. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Also you are the only one who can decide whether you are alcoholic or not. I'm pretty sure that you didn't go to AA for a laugh! You're there because you think you have a problem with your drinking and I suggest staying there as you really have arrived at the right place.
I wish you well in your recovery. Remember important things...
Take it a day at a time
Stay away from that first drink
If you can keep sober company and stay out of pubs and clubs
Many meetings make it easier - try 90 in 90 days
Read the Just For Today that you get it will give you strength
And remember...the serenity prayer can do wonders! Keep saying it if you need to.
God Bless and Good Luck - take good care of yourself xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by soberauthor 
There is a chapter all about college drinking patterns.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I decided to quit and started AA....my friends were all
excessive drinkers. Of course ...they told me I was
"Not that bad..you and I drink alike"
When I shared my concerns with AA members..they said
"Keep coming back"...
I'm so very glad I listened to my new friends.
Since I found recovery 26 of those old friends
are dead because of alcohol. ...
Welcome to our recovery community...
excessive drinkers. Of course ...they told me I was
"Not that bad..you and I drink alike"
When I shared my concerns with AA members..they said
"Keep coming back"...
I'm so very glad I listened to my new friends.
Since I found recovery 26 of those old friends
are dead because of alcohol. ...
Welcome to our recovery community...
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I have to agree with the others who said that if you think you have a problem, you usually do.Sure, a lot of the friends you drink with aren't going to encourage you to stop drinking not just because they fear losing a drinking buddy, but also because they don't want to look at any potential problems they may or may not have.
Follow what you believe. It always amazes me, if someone said," I'm scared, from what I've read, I think I may have Cancer." People encourage someone to go check it out and if so, they are supportive of them, no one tries to talk them out of it by saying they don't.
I hope you'll stick around, reading and posting.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
Welcome Flowers!
First of all, welcome and congratulations towards taking a big step by improving your life. SR is a wonderful place and I hope to see you around here!
Originally Posted by dgillz
When I told my family I got the line "you're not alcoholic, you just need to cut back a bit". Over the next couple of weeks I proceeded to write all the reasons I was alcoholic, including recounting several very embarassing moments, most of which were not known to anyone in the family.
In my circle, heavy drinking and hang-overs were considered 'cool', coming to the realization that one was alcoholic and seeking help for it was not cool. It was okay to cut back 'just to the weekends', but permanently was unheard of. I don't talk to those people anymore; they aren't and were never my true friends, and I'd rather lose them than my own life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Can
Posts: 79
Hi Flower,
I'd listen to your Dad because he cares about your best interests far more than your roommates or boyfriend can. He also has has much more life experience than the others which includes exposure to alcoholism. There's so many of us.
Good luck!
I'd listen to your Dad because he cares about your best interests far more than your roommates or boyfriend can. He also has has much more life experience than the others which includes exposure to alcoholism. There's so many of us.
Good luck!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
The opinion that matters most is YOURS. If you know you'd be better off not drinking, don't drink, and to hell with anyone who tells you differently. It may also be that your quitting drinking threatens their perception of their own drinking. Maybe some of them think they have a problem but don't want to admit it.
Either way, it's your life and your decision. I'm glad you have your dad's support. You've joined a great family here and I'm glad you found us!:ghug3
Either way, it's your life and your decision. I'm glad you have your dad's support. You've joined a great family here and I'm glad you found us!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: washington
Posts: 78
Hi flowers , glad you are here.
I went to not one but two additions counselors who evaluated me and both said I was an alcoholic. When I received the first evaluation I couldn't speak when I left the office .
My point is that now almost three weeks sober and my brain sometimes says things like "maybe your really not an alcoholic and you can someday go back and have an occasional drink" But I have to face the truth , that I can never drink again.
It has actually helped me to have to just let it go .
Maybe it will help you if you really find out for yourself . whether its to take the tests online , go to a therapists, aa, ect.
Hope it helps
jules
I went to not one but two additions counselors who evaluated me and both said I was an alcoholic. When I received the first evaluation I couldn't speak when I left the office .
My point is that now almost three weeks sober and my brain sometimes says things like "maybe your really not an alcoholic and you can someday go back and have an occasional drink" But I have to face the truth , that I can never drink again.
It has actually helped me to have to just let it go .
Maybe it will help you if you really find out for yourself . whether its to take the tests online , go to a therapists, aa, ect.
Hope it helps
jules
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