Bamboozle

Thanks, people. Usually I hit all of the "Thanks" buttons right about now. Consider this my thanks to everyone here and to those who sent me messages.

Leaving the house helped enough for now.

I'm still sober...I'm hanging on by the tips of my fingers.

I just ate 2 Big Macs and some nuggets....and i still feel hungry....this isn't the mindless eating I usually do.....I swear my stomach is still sending out hunger pangs.

I'm going to eat some more food. Hopefully I can sleep soon.


I feel for everyone who is, who has, or who will be going through this. What a sh!tty rollercoaster ride.

I'm doing my best to hang in there. I hope my best is good enough.


I hope your best is good enough, too.

serenityqueen

littlefish

The first few days of sobriety are a real challenge. I tried to think of myself as a patient. I was, in a way. I was in the physical state of withdrawel.
Your body, mind and spirit is really going to go through the wringer. It helped in my case to tell myself: THIS is the most important thing I am doing in my life, maybe ever.
Whatever you have to do to make it through those hours and days, if it means renting a bunch of recovery films and eating buckets of ice cream, well then, that is what you have to do.
You are the number one person in this process, every other element comes second to that. Whatever problem you have will have to wait. I put my other problems on the back burner. They can wait too: they had to wait for years while I drank anyway, a few more days or weeks...or months is not going to make a difference. Was I solving any of my problems when I was drunk, anyway? No.
Find an AA meeting, find a therapist, call a friend, find a sponsor, read the big book, read an alternative to the big book, pamper yourself, eat a good meal, dust off your camera and take some pictures, organize your office, find a bookstore that sells fancy coffee and plop yourself down in a chair, rekindle old hobbies and interests, take up a new one, take up an old sport or find a new one. Teehee: I even hit the crosswords!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Bamboozle

Part of the problem is I do not have any motivation to do anything.

It's been this way for a while.

I put my art down back in October when I got bad again.

I bought some paints yesterday (because I really want to make something/do something), but I don't know what to do. To just sit and paint aimlessly would add to my frustration...in my mind it's a waste of time. To make artwork, one has have a goal in mind or at the very least a rough idea of where it will go as a part of the process. I've got nothing...and I don't have much energy.

If the Cardiologist can't refer me to a psychiatrist I'll have to go back to my PCP.

I don't have the money to do this--and this just adds to the crap heap.

I hope I can work out a payment plan.

least

((((Bam)))) I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that something works out well for you. That you find a solution to your problems.

Please hang on. The best is yet to come.

:ghug3

fall

Hi Bam,
I'm pretty much consumed with getting my own life back in order so haven't been responding much to anything or anyone beyond the "codependents anonymous" thread here at Newcomers. But I do read from others and have noticed your struggles here and over at Secular Connections (which is way too quiet a forum for what it could offer...but anyway...)

I hear you, where you're at. The lack of motivation and the accompanying frustration that parallels it. All my life I've been so motivated to create, to work, to explore, to learn. But lately it's missing, I sleep a LOT, because that's the most comfortable place to be. I'm pushing myself to DO things, which is hard this time of year being the dead of winter, but still trying, for only in the trying can anything have a chance of changing for the better.

Next to me I have colored pencils and a sheet of paper. I've created dozens upon dozens of drawings over the past decades, none of them particularly good, but all of them reflective of a part of me. I mean, I can't really draw, I create only in abstract. Seeing what I draw demonstrates to me where I'm at, and though I don't always like what I see (it's downright creepy sometimes) it does help me to move beyond the "stuck" place I'm in. Sometimes I don't even realize why or where I'm stuck, until I draw or write it out.

I encourage you so strongly to create, aimlessly though it may be, and not allow the aimlessness to frustrate you. Recognzie and accept it as part of the process. Who knows, some inspiration might well come from an idea sparked.

Recently I was so scared all creativity in me was dead. Like, I just didn't have it in me anymore to create, to write, to draw, to even be inspired to try. But all this ridiculous amount of sleep has given me something. It's given me some incredible dreams, that are more artisitic and alive than anything I've seen in a very long time. Oh the color! The mental creations I conjure! I've created songs, and poems (none of which I can remember) and once even woke with this idea that I'd been given the "key" to what music is. Abstracts, indeed. But a reminder that we do have it within us to create, to find inspiration within ourselves, to be motivated as a result of that awareness.

It's in you Bam. I wish you the very best in gathering the energy to seek it out. I know it's a grand struggle right now.