least

I was diagnosed depressed long before I started drinking, but drinking only makes the depression worse. I don't know what meds you're on but drinking while taking them will negate their effects, I think, as alcohol is a depressant.

I battle depression every day, but it's better when I'm sober.

:ghug3

Bamboozle

I'm not happy since I've quit.


Everyday is a struggle...I get through it all by trying to laugh as much as I can. It's not happiness, but it's all I can do right now. It's the only coping mechanism I have....I'm not sure it's really helping me cope...but whatever.

Really bad depression sometimes comes out of nowhere for me...it's happening now. Up down Up down...sometimes there's no pattern...it does what it wants when it wants.

After my outburst last night, I realize that these things happen whether or not I'm drinking. Last night was scary and I was completely sober, and the time it happened before that (about 2 months ago) was just as scary, but that time I was drunk.

I latch onto good feelings whenever I have them...sometimes I'm not always honest about feeling like crap on SR.

yeahgr8

yup i went through this many times, where i would stop for 2/3 week get so down and lonely and depressed etc, then after many years drinking i sought outside help in the form of a counseller who determined i had clinical depression and anxiety and all this time i had been going back to drinking to try and self medicate...cant believe i never saw that one coming...oh well am sober now so alls well! hope you feel better soon:-)

Fubarcdn

I am only about 3 weeks in and I am down a lot of the time but each days there are a few minutes of ups and they keep me going. Even in this short time there seems to be more ups each day so I say yes it will get better for you.
I get up and exercise every morning and this is part of my routine and this also helps a lot.
Hang in and hang on it will get better.

Katie09

No, didn't find it. Excellent suggestion about the list. No, friend is a normie and just remarried her ex husband!!! so I don't see her much. My doggies would love to go for a walk. Good idea!!

Thanks!

Katie09

Sometimes outbursts just happen, but it's a very good thing you did not pick up a drink. Hope you are feeling better

Katie09

Thanks for the clip and thoughts

I don't believe in God in the sense that you mean. I think I am pretty insignificent in the big scheme of things. I think the Iraq war has had changed my thinking with regards to a personal God. Now, I do believe in some universal force, but not in the sense of AA.

Isaiah

I've had it explained to me by a doctor and also read in a couple medical journals that after you stop drinking your dopamine receptors are rewiring with your cerebral hyposaurus... well, I don't remember all the medical terminology. What they pretty much meant was it takes the brain a while to get back to "normal" moods after you quit.

I think it was a couple weeks before I had the sense that I was back to normal.

For me "normal" has never been all that great. Like a lot of people in this thread I was depressed before I touched alcohol. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the fact that my life hasn't gotten awesome since I've stopped, but I am still new to sobriety. At least I'm sure it's better than if I was still drinking. Gives me hope that I've got a better chance to get things as I want them to be.

Liza

Hi All,
I always become more depressed after a binge, it does have alot to do with the dopamine, lack of sleep, and just those plain old guilties!

Gypsy Feet

I once had a really smart queensland heeler named Smooch. One night I was eating a tomato, and he was begging, so I gave him a piece. He sniffed it, and tried to leave it on the floor, and I told him firmly that he had asked for a bite, now he had to eat it. He did. This went on to become a ritual of ours, where he ended up having to eat pickles, lettuce, peaches, well, you get the idea. Crazy dog.

What you/we are going through is a healing process, much like grief. The bad news is that healing takes time, but the good news is, in time we will heal. Hang in there

p.s, cat food can upset your dogs tummy, so make sure he can get outside tonight to avoid accidents on the rug

sfgirl

I agree that it seems on these boards that everyone is so chipper which is sort of annoying. Or people have little cute phrases for how fantastic sobriety is. Also annoying to me. Because that is far from how I experience it, at least at this present time, but I am still early in. I haven't had any major bouts of depression but I have had days where I don't want to get out of bed certainly, days where I am super weepy, feeling empty, and then the next day I'm okay. Really it is sort of like a roller coaster but I would say I have spent more time on the bottom than the top.

But I have learned that I can't judge my choice to be sober on my feelings, on my being sad or happy or whatever. I would be lying if I said that I am not waiting around to get truly happy but I think that that is the great myth that sobriety=happiness. If only it were that easy. Feelings come and go, ebb and flow, and part of being drunk for so long is that you get used to not feeling them, if you base your decisions on how you feel then nothing is permanent because you aren't going to be happy forever or sad forever. Sobreity, the will to stay sober, has to be based in something else.

That said if you do suffer from clinical depression or something else and use booze to self-medicate then those feelings probably take on a much more permanent quality. But luckily if you see a doctor there is hopefully a more permanent and safe solution than alcohol.

Latte

I think meetings in early recovery really helped me because I could physically see that other people were actually happy now that they had stopped drinking and gotten help. A room full of people laughing really gave me hope that things would get better.

On bad days I am gentle with myself. I don't worry about keeping my house spotless, geesh..I have a pretty bad cold right now and my daughters (10 and 6) had Cheerios in chocolate milk this morning. Meh, progress not perfection. I spent the day curled up sleeping and snuggling my dog.

I am so greatful for my recovery and the people in AA/NA.

Bamboozle

Good post.

adore79

I know that for a while I was able to get through the work day without drinking, because I could look forward to getting wasted as soon as I got home. I think it is important to have things to look forward to, just small pleasures on a daily basis, to take the place of drinking. Also, if possible, it is good to have big things to look forward to in the future, like a vacation or something, to keep you going.

SoberforME

I've been trying to think of just this thing. I'm trying to think of it like a break up. Alcohol was something very significant in my life and so I will feel denial, depression, anger, negotiation, and finally some day, acceptance. And maybe wash, rinse repeat.


Here is information on grief. It has helped to apply it to the loss of alcohol. The 5 stages of grief


This has to do with death but I think it's applicable.

ViciousCycle

[QUOTE=sfgirl;2085483]I agree that it seems on these boards that everyone is so chipper which is sort of annoying. Or people have little cute phrases for how fantastic sobriety is. Also annoying to me. Because that is far from how I experience it, at least at this present time, but I am still early in. QUOTE]

I hope you don't stay "annoyed" at people because they are doing well. Be inspired to attain that feeling too. Your day will come, promise!

sfgirl

Thanks for the kind words but I think you might have misinterpreted what I meant to say. I definitely am not annoyed at people who are doing well, actually I think I am doing well, by which I am on a good path, but I am just not chipper. I just wanted to throw a different voice in. Sometimes it seems that out in "soberland" everyone is on cloud nine. For me it is frustrating when I am feeling crappy and someone else is like don't worry, one day you'll get here to cloud nine. I also kind of think that sober≠happy but instead sober=a full range of emotions and life and it is dangerous to equate sobriety with feeling happy aka chipper. I think a better way for me to think about it is getting to a place (because I am def not there yet) where I feel comfortable/at peace with myself and at that place it is okay and natural to feel depressed, happy, excited, and maybe even chipper (although maybe it is apparent that I am not the most chipper of people—funny thing is if you met me in real life you might think I am). Also, all the little catchphrases and things often strike me (and this totally might be my insecurities and whatever else—and lately I find my rigidity becoming much less so, changing) as slightly insincere although I am sure the person writing them is not. Did I just dig myself into a deeper hole?

ViciousCycle

Kind of....LOL.....I am trying to figure out your feelings, is it like the feeling I get when I see someone drinking down beers and having fun? Knowing that they can do that and not have problems? Kind of an envy?? Like seeing your ex with someone else? That kind of thing? Cause you don't feel the same way?

The way I see it, for me anyway, is that I have been in a deep dark hole for a long time. Alcohol did a number on my self esteem and my life.........now that I quit, I AM on cloud nine, at least for now. And if that means being giddy and screaming from the rooftops or writing a little catchphrase, I am going to do it! Till I fall off the roof that is.............HA HA

sfgirl

It definitely isn't envy about how you or they feel, it is about style of delivery. I think it is as simple as a preference thing. And maybe I feel like my preference is on the outside or more marginal(?) Does that make sense? Does it make sense to me? I am sitting here trying to think of a good parallel. Like everybody is going to a football game and there is a lot of fanfare and all these people are so into their team, all dressed up in the colors, there are cheerleaders. Everyone loves the hoo-rah. And I go to the game and I am obsessed with my team too but I am obsessed with the logistics of football. I don't care for the dress-up, the fanfare. I don't even cheer because I am so obsessed with watching the game and paying attention to certain numbers and statistics (I don't watch football at all so no idea what I am talking about) but in the stands there are only a few of me and sometimes all the hoo-rah distracts a bit from the game. That seriously might be the worse parallel ever but does it make sense? Like I am into it but with a different style and sometimes I feel "my style" is under-represented. Like where are all the people that use quote marks an annoying amount of time like me? I'm super obsessed with straight-talking, information (I read about recovery incessantly) and experience not coddling (which by the way is something I think I majorly have to work on, being able to get/accept support, I just don't know how to do it yet— the fact that I even describe it pejoratively is indicative that I have major trust issues, etc with people). Like say you feel like sh*t please if you do or did yesterday, I want to know the whole truth; don't sugarcoat it under the guise of you should be feeling good just because you are sober. I mean really I had amazing days drunk and crappy ones. And I have had amazing days sober and crappy ones as well. It is a different shift for me than feeling. It is like I finally am finding oneness in the world in a more permanent way— that is what sobriety is. Drunkeness was finding that temporarily and superficially. So it is not jealousy, and I hope I would tell you if it were, but an issue of style. But of course I do appreciate everyone and everyone has their own style— I just get a little annoyed sometimes. Does that make any sense?

Mariposa18

SFGirl~ I think I understand what you mean BUT correct me if I'm wrong okay?

Being sober doesn't suddenly make our life sunshine and rainbows. We still have crappy days, good days, we just experience them and learn to deal with them differently than taking a drink. Not drinking hasn't changed the feelings just the way we deal with them.