Social Outcast--the part I hate
perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Social Outcast--the part I hate
Ok, I need to vent a bit......I am kind of bummed........had a good morning out and about doing healthy things.......I am pulling into my drive and a retired woman who lives across from me pulls me over and invites me over for mamosas tonight with a group......"sorry I am on a fitness thing, but thanks!"...........cursed as I pulled in the garage. Next, my best friend calls and asks if I am still going to the private wine tasting put on by the distributor...." no, I cannot make it"........then to top the whole thing off, I was supposed to pour wine at a black tie affair this saturday nite......"sorry I can't make it this year......." It is an honor to be able to serve there, I was so looking forward to it......this is the biggest glich in being sober for me. It takes away from the social events that I love. I know, I know, find new friends and new interests......but this one is hard to shake.......why is it that alcohol is the center of everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And no, I don't get triggered by stuff like this and end up drinking.....I just think it sucks.
And no, I don't get triggered by stuff like this and end up drinking.....I just think it sucks.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Alcohol is the center of things when we are an alcoholic and our entire lives revolved around drinking.
I'm not going to tell you to make new friends, find new interests because you know that's what you need to do.
I'm glad that you vented that, holding things in is not the answer.
Good job.
Judy
I'm not going to tell you to make new friends, find new interests because you know that's what you need to do.
I'm glad that you vented that, holding things in is not the answer.
Good job.
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Oh I can understand. I bet alot of people have.
You are making all the right decisions! Just log on here tonight & talk to us! :ghug
We're more fun!!!
I have been having real anxiety about Super Bowl!! In all honesty the last time I did not drink at a Super Bowl was 11 yrs ago!
I know this because my daughter was born 2 days before that!
You are making all the right decisions! Just log on here tonight & talk to us! :ghug
We're more fun!!!
I have been having real anxiety about Super Bowl!! In all honesty the last time I did not drink at a Super Bowl was 11 yrs ago!
I know this because my daughter was born 2 days before that!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Same problem here. I don't have one friend where an activity did not revolve around drinking and I still don't have a clue as to how I am going to handle that.
I feel sorry for my wife too because if you are a drinking couple (she drinks but not much) everyone looks at the non drinker like they have a contagious disease.
I am not going to sweat it too much right now. Just going to concentrate on staying sober.
I feel sorry for my wife too because if you are a drinking couple (she drinks but not much) everyone looks at the non drinker like they have a contagious disease.
I am not going to sweat it too much right now. Just going to concentrate on staying sober.
perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
I have the Superbowl thing tackled........HEY! I made a funny! "Tackled!" LOL 
Anyway, I am going over to a non-drinking guys house. He has a huge big screen & surround sound. We are going to have all kinds of food and I will have diet coke. It will be much easier not being around people drinking beer. At least this year I won't have to listen to that one loud mouth in the bar you just want to deck! At least this year I will remember the commercials! My friend leads a very serene life and I think it's a good spot for me this year.
Anyway, I am going over to a non-drinking guys house. He has a huge big screen & surround sound. We are going to have all kinds of food and I will have diet coke. It will be much easier not being around people drinking beer. At least this year I won't have to listen to that one loud mouth in the bar you just want to deck! At least this year I will remember the commercials! My friend leads a very serene life and I think it's a good spot for me this year.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...why is it that alcohol is the center of everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..."
and
"...everyone looks at the non drinker like they have a contagious disease..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honest, neither of these two statements are true. It only appears to the alcoholic, specifically the newly recovering alcoholic, that alcohol is the center of everything, and that folks look at the non-drinker as if they have a contageous disease.....honest, it's only skewed perception; it'll change in time.
But hey, ViciousCycle, since you say, "... I don't get triggered by stuff like this and end up drinking,..." then why ostracize yourself; keep some of your old friends (unless and until it becomes boring being around them....if their whole lives truly are centered around drinking); go back and keep that server's position. The suggestions regarding staying away from all alcohol-related activities are based on folks ES&H, but then all folks are different. If it truly doesn't bother you, and you're not just BS'ng yourself.....I did all kinds of things it was suggested I not do, and didn't do some things that were suggested that I do.....it's all up to the individual.....as long as we're honest with orselves.
I know there are folks in recovery (some with many years) who believe in staying away from all alcohol (no matter the amount), like mouthwashes and cough medicines and perfumes and/or colognes and after-shaves.....etc., but that's just not me.
When I was active in my disease, alcohol ruled my life, and if I lived my life like the above paragraph then, to me, alcohol would still be ruling my life, and that's not why I got into recovery and got sober.
NoelleR
and
"...everyone looks at the non drinker like they have a contagious disease..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honest, neither of these two statements are true. It only appears to the alcoholic, specifically the newly recovering alcoholic, that alcohol is the center of everything, and that folks look at the non-drinker as if they have a contageous disease.....honest, it's only skewed perception; it'll change in time.
But hey, ViciousCycle, since you say, "... I don't get triggered by stuff like this and end up drinking,..." then why ostracize yourself; keep some of your old friends (unless and until it becomes boring being around them....if their whole lives truly are centered around drinking); go back and keep that server's position. The suggestions regarding staying away from all alcohol-related activities are based on folks ES&H, but then all folks are different. If it truly doesn't bother you, and you're not just BS'ng yourself.....I did all kinds of things it was suggested I not do, and didn't do some things that were suggested that I do.....it's all up to the individual.....as long as we're honest with orselves.
I know there are folks in recovery (some with many years) who believe in staying away from all alcohol (no matter the amount), like mouthwashes and cough medicines and perfumes and/or colognes and after-shaves.....etc., but that's just not me.
When I was active in my disease, alcohol ruled my life, and if I lived my life like the above paragraph then, to me, alcohol would still be ruling my life, and that's not why I got into recovery and got sober.
NoelleR
perpetual optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
But hey, ViciousCycle, since you say, "... I don't get triggered by stuff like this and end up drinking,..." then why ostracize yourself; keep some of your old friends (unless and until it becomes boring being around them....if their whole lives truly are centered around drinking); go back and keep that server's position.
I do intend on keeping my friends.....I will just have to do different activities. As only one of the two quotes you mentioned were mine, the one about how alcohol seems to be the center of things, this all flew at me today....with the Superbowl looming as well. It just seems all at once......
As far as the job as server goes, when you are at a gala affair like that, every bottle opened must be tasted before serving the guests. That is why I had to back out.
That said, I do like your flip side of alcohol's control from the other side (ie running from it)
I do intend on keeping my friends.....I will just have to do different activities. As only one of the two quotes you mentioned were mine, the one about how alcohol seems to be the center of things, this all flew at me today....with the Superbowl looming as well. It just seems all at once......
As far as the job as server goes, when you are at a gala affair like that, every bottle opened must be tasted before serving the guests. That is why I had to back out.
That said, I do like your flip side of alcohol's control from the other side (ie running from it)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
I think I understand your position about alcohol being the center of everything. I don't think you're saying it is the center of everything in your life as much as you're saying that it seems to be everywhere we look in society.
And it very nearly is. I am Catholic and there it is every time I go to mass. Not to mention all the bars and restaurants that serve it and have great pics of exotic drinks. I see ads; i.e. billboards, tv, buses, race cars, newpapers, magazines, sporting events, radio, etc., etc. The alcohol industry has made damn sure that it keeps drinkers coming back. It even goes after kids, i.e. the Budweiser frogs. I live in a fairly small community and there are enough stores that I could go to so the clerks didn't think I was a lush. I mixed 'em up real good.
Booze is the classic lubricant of society. It's hard enough to quit without all the booze pushers waving it in our faces.
And it very nearly is. I am Catholic and there it is every time I go to mass. Not to mention all the bars and restaurants that serve it and have great pics of exotic drinks. I see ads; i.e. billboards, tv, buses, race cars, newpapers, magazines, sporting events, radio, etc., etc. The alcohol industry has made damn sure that it keeps drinkers coming back. It even goes after kids, i.e. the Budweiser frogs. I live in a fairly small community and there are enough stores that I could go to so the clerks didn't think I was a lush. I mixed 'em up real good.
Booze is the classic lubricant of society. It's hard enough to quit without all the booze pushers waving it in our faces.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
Oh I get it too.
I perform comedy and I have been in a bar 3 times this week.
Last night my friend got broke up with and brought a bottle of Grey Goose with her to my house.
I'm inundated by alcohol no matter where I turn and often it's free, due to knowing a lot of bartenders.
Tonight I'm performing at a place that the owners are my 'friends'.
All of my comedy friends drink save one. Luckily he's been AA for 15 years and is a large support for me.
I perform comedy and I have been in a bar 3 times this week.
Last night my friend got broke up with and brought a bottle of Grey Goose with her to my house.
I'm inundated by alcohol no matter where I turn and often it's free, due to knowing a lot of bartenders.
Tonight I'm performing at a place that the owners are my 'friends'.
All of my comedy friends drink save one. Luckily he's been AA for 15 years and is a large support for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
Getting all the alcohol out of your system is one thing.
Keeping it out is another.
It's going to be impossible (for me), to carry on my former lifestyle the way I was,
without slipping and drinking again.
For me, this means steering clear of situations which could make me slip.
This includes avoiding some family members, friends, for awhile
and avoiding going into bars, parties, any place where everybody is drinking.
That would be a recipe for disaster for my sobriety at this point.
The last time I seriously quit drinking, I lasted 4 months.
It was wonderful, I initially went to AA meetings for a while and stopped.
By 3 months sober, I was on top of the world, healthy and fit.
I felt so damn good it was unbelievable. I started hanging out with my old crowd,
drinking pop in clubs etc. instead of booze.
4th month I was on top of the world, I thought I had won.
I felt so good, I thought, well I've won I can have a couple of drinks,
it'll just make me feel better!!
That was 20 years ago and here I am now on day 5
Thanks for letting me rant here
I just know, for me, now I have the alcohol out of my system
there is some serious work I have to do yet to keep it out.
I've got a list of all the AA meetings in my area, and will likely attend some soon.
Can't fail this time, I doubt I will have another chance really.
Cheers everbody!
Keeping it out is another.
It's going to be impossible (for me), to carry on my former lifestyle the way I was,
without slipping and drinking again.
For me, this means steering clear of situations which could make me slip.
This includes avoiding some family members, friends, for awhile
and avoiding going into bars, parties, any place where everybody is drinking.
That would be a recipe for disaster for my sobriety at this point.
The last time I seriously quit drinking, I lasted 4 months.
It was wonderful, I initially went to AA meetings for a while and stopped.
By 3 months sober, I was on top of the world, healthy and fit.
I felt so damn good it was unbelievable. I started hanging out with my old crowd,
drinking pop in clubs etc. instead of booze.
4th month I was on top of the world, I thought I had won.
I felt so good, I thought, well I've won I can have a couple of drinks,
it'll just make me feel better!!
That was 20 years ago and here I am now on day 5
Thanks for letting me rant here
I just know, for me, now I have the alcohol out of my system
there is some serious work I have to do yet to keep it out.
I've got a list of all the AA meetings in my area, and will likely attend some soon.
Can't fail this time, I doubt I will have another chance really.
Cheers everbody!
friend of bill w.
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: east coast
Posts: 218
They say in AA you have to change your playmates and your playgrounds. It took me awhile to totally let go of all my drinking friends...as the years passed they dropped off one by one til all I have is friends in AA and I like it that way. Once my drinking friends realized I was not 'partying' anymore they pretty much stopped calling. That was our common bond...the drinking..I never knew what REAL friendship was til I sobered up.
The playgrounds were the bars mostly, and I went for awhile w-o drinking...and it was NO fun being there....as the years went by my eyes were opened to all the other activities there were in the world that didn't involve drinking. I was actually living in a very small world when I was drinking.
I can understand that deprived feeling especially all those things happening at once, but once your replace some of the things with sober things your life will be fuller than you could have ever imagined!
The playgrounds were the bars mostly, and I went for awhile w-o drinking...and it was NO fun being there....as the years went by my eyes were opened to all the other activities there were in the world that didn't involve drinking. I was actually living in a very small world when I was drinking.
I can understand that deprived feeling especially all those things happening at once, but once your replace some of the things with sober things your life will be fuller than you could have ever imagined!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I think its natural for a new comer..(by that i mean someone a year or less)
to be sensitive to how alcohol exposes itself in our society..
When i first stopped it seemed to be everywhere and lets have it right...it is everywhere.......ad boards....TV...radio.....mags.....supermarkets.
I remember turning off a tv show cos it centered around a bar..everyone drinking.
It took a while for friends and relatives to get used to the fact that i dont drink........the real friends still ring and ask me out...the ones that only wanted a buddy to get drunk with faded away..
With time i think you become de-sensitized to it all.....and you dont notice much anymore.....life goes on........and friends just order you coffee...lol
I still do stuff that ive always done though..ie..i dont go booze shops..i dont go to bars....unless i go for a reason ie..to eat...i dont eat food with booze in it.....i dont use mouth wash or aftershave...
Yes i guess im a bit fanatical about not putting booze in my body....but my drinking was chronic.....last de-tox i did the doc said...."you wont be around to do this again....period".....so ive kept it that way.
Life can take a while to make sense after booze......but it will...with time.
Thats my opinion anyway...........trucker
..
to be sensitive to how alcohol exposes itself in our society..
When i first stopped it seemed to be everywhere and lets have it right...it is everywhere.......ad boards....TV...radio.....mags.....supermarkets.
I remember turning off a tv show cos it centered around a bar..everyone drinking.
It took a while for friends and relatives to get used to the fact that i dont drink........the real friends still ring and ask me out...the ones that only wanted a buddy to get drunk with faded away..
With time i think you become de-sensitized to it all.....and you dont notice much anymore.....life goes on........and friends just order you coffee...lol
I still do stuff that ive always done though..ie..i dont go booze shops..i dont go to bars....unless i go for a reason ie..to eat...i dont eat food with booze in it.....i dont use mouth wash or aftershave...
Yes i guess im a bit fanatical about not putting booze in my body....but my drinking was chronic.....last de-tox i did the doc said...."you wont be around to do this again....period".....so ive kept it that way.
Life can take a while to make sense after booze......but it will...with time.
Thats my opinion anyway...........trucker
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