I screwed up big time - please forgive me
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
This horrible anxiety is beyond my control, mostly about money or the lack of it and bills past due etc etc. Shrink prescribes neurontin for anxiety cause he won't give me benzos anymore. But it's not helping much, even tho I'm on a huge dose,and don't know what else there is for anxiety that's not addictive. Most days I feel wound up so tight I feel I'm about to break. Will discuss this with counselor tuesday and see what she says.
Thank you all for the love and support. I feel so sh!tty and alone today and the anxiety from the hangover is unbearable - tho I must bear it cause I brought it on myself. I do feel some better tho, just knowing my family still loves me.:ghug
Thank you all for the love and support. I feel so sh!tty and alone today and the anxiety from the hangover is unbearable - tho I must bear it cause I brought it on myself. I do feel some better tho, just knowing my family still loves me.:ghug
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Dear friend
You know we love you and care about you! I'm glad you are here and reaching out to us. I am full of emotion, but at a loss of words. I picked up one of my books I am reading as part of my recovery and was inspired by the passage.
I will share a few words from my daily reading by Melody Beattie.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
One of the most significant words in that statement is the word we.
We are here because we have a common problem and together we find a solution. By coming here we have learned that we are not alone and others have experienced suffering too.
Now we are joining hands in recovery.
"We. A significant part of recovery. A shared experience. A shared strength, stronger for the sharing. A shared hope - for better lives and relationships."
I, personally, am grateful that you are part of the network of "we" in recovery at SR. We will move forward together.
Love and Hugs to you S!
You know we love you and care about you! I'm glad you are here and reaching out to us. I am full of emotion, but at a loss of words. I picked up one of my books I am reading as part of my recovery and was inspired by the passage.
I will share a few words from my daily reading by Melody Beattie.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
One of the most significant words in that statement is the word we.
We are here because we have a common problem and together we find a solution. By coming here we have learned that we are not alone and others have experienced suffering too.
Now we are joining hands in recovery.
"We. A significant part of recovery. A shared experience. A shared strength, stronger for the sharing. A shared hope - for better lives and relationships."
I, personally, am grateful that you are part of the network of "we" in recovery at SR. We will move forward together.
Love and Hugs to you S!
Last edited by Pelican; 01-25-2009 at 06:33 AM. Reason: add word
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Least, I don't know what day you got sober. This thing says you joined in March of '08. So you didn't drink all this time. In the last however many days it is you only drank once. That is success!!
I would also like to reiterate what others have already said in this thread. It's a disease that is permanent. We can't change that. We just have to learn about how to live while sober.
Please don't dwell on this for too long.
You're a good person, least. Listen to us and how we speak of you. The truth is right here in front of you. You'll be ok.
I would also like to reiterate what others have already said in this thread. It's a disease that is permanent. We can't change that. We just have to learn about how to live while sober.
Please don't dwell on this for too long.
You're a good person, least. Listen to us and how we speak of you. The truth is right here in front of you. You'll be ok.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Relapse was a part of my story, too, Least. I felt the same hopelessness and self-hatred that you describe. I know now that it wasn't helpful to punish myself. That achieves nothing.
I had to quit the benzos after getting hooked on them in sobriety, and I learned to manage my anxiety in other ways i.e. meditation and gentle yoga. Today, it's rare for anxiety to be problematic, although I do still take meds for my depression.
Be gentle with yourself today. This isn't about punishing yourself. Let it go. Take a warm bath, eat something light, and crawl into bed or the sofa with your dogs and let them love you.
You WILL get past this. Have faith.
xoxo
I had to quit the benzos after getting hooked on them in sobriety, and I learned to manage my anxiety in other ways i.e. meditation and gentle yoga. Today, it's rare for anxiety to be problematic, although I do still take meds for my depression.
Be gentle with yourself today. This isn't about punishing yourself. Let it go. Take a warm bath, eat something light, and crawl into bed or the sofa with your dogs and let them love you.
You WILL get past this. Have faith.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Sending many hugs your way, Least.
Please be good to yourself. A momentary lapse and here you are exposing yourself to all who care about you.
So you found out for sure and it doesn't feel good. Now you can move on with everything those six months have taught you. Glad you're seeing your doc in a couple of days.
Rest easy, lady. All will be well.
:ghug3
Donna
Please be good to yourself. A momentary lapse and here you are exposing yourself to all who care about you.
So you found out for sure and it doesn't feel good. Now you can move on with everything those six months have taught you. Glad you're seeing your doc in a couple of days.
Rest easy, lady. All will be well.
:ghug3
Donna
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
I'm glad you made it back least and I'm glad you only drank for one day. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again today. You did the right thing by coming here and "confessing" They say it's good for the soul. Whoever "they" is. Stay close with us today.:ghug3
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Oh, yeah...
...and stop beating yourself up. It won't do you any good. Just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
Okay, so it happened...you can't change what you did...you can only move on with the knowledge you have. Don't let this beat you...you are a strong person and I know you can get through this.
...and stop beating yourself up. It won't do you any good. Just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
Okay, so it happened...you can't change what you did...you can only move on with the knowledge you have. Don't let this beat you...you are a strong person and I know you can get through this.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Of course we love you.. You are so strong, and you have helped so many people. Your sober time is not in the trash. Sure, day one.. but you have some amazing experience behind you to prop you right back on your feet, a bit wobbly maybe.. but you can do it.
As for the anxiety, you might want to ask your counselor if he/she ever practices relaxation therapy. I know that sounds silly maybe, but my counselor started this with me, and it TEACHING me how to use some really cool techniques for relaxation, anxiety relief. He recommended the book "The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook". The techniques he practices/teaches can promote relaxation so deep, that within 30 minutes it can be equivalent to 3 hours of deep sleep. Briefly it has to do with systematic muscle relaxation and visualization exercises, after 10 minutes of guided relaxation yesterday I was SO calm, all day, not tired, just content, alert... grounded.
Anywho, I'll get off that box now. We love you, we support you, and if you need to actually read it, WE FORGIVE YOU (like that should have ever been in question!
). Please forgive yourself!!
:ghug3
As for the anxiety, you might want to ask your counselor if he/she ever practices relaxation therapy. I know that sounds silly maybe, but my counselor started this with me, and it TEACHING me how to use some really cool techniques for relaxation, anxiety relief. He recommended the book "The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook". The techniques he practices/teaches can promote relaxation so deep, that within 30 minutes it can be equivalent to 3 hours of deep sleep. Briefly it has to do with systematic muscle relaxation and visualization exercises, after 10 minutes of guided relaxation yesterday I was SO calm, all day, not tired, just content, alert... grounded.
Anywho, I'll get off that box now. We love you, we support you, and if you need to actually read it, WE FORGIVE YOU (like that should have ever been in question!
). Please forgive yourself!!:ghug3
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Okay, stop beating yourself up. Right Now! You are still an inspiration...probably more so. You know the road and how easy it is to drive off it...but, you are getting right back into the drivers seat.
Least, I learned from your relapse. I learned this thing called alcoholism can trick Anybody back. I truly mean it when I say you are an inspiration to me.
Please be gentle with yourself. We love you!
Least, I learned from your relapse. I learned this thing called alcoholism can trick Anybody back. I truly mean it when I say you are an inspiration to me.
Please be gentle with yourself. We love you!
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I am so all over the place right now. I feel good and bad, lost and found, afraid and hopeful. The anxiety is out of control and the neurontin isn't helping like it used to. Can't get benzos so will ask my alcohol counselor if she knows anything about relaxation therapy. I am a very 'tense' person anyway, but situations beyond my control are making the anxiety and worry unbearable.
I really need 'guided relaxation' therapy as it's next to impossible for me to relax. When I get so stressed I don't get hungry so that makes everything worse. I will have to get thru today one minute at a time cause an hour is too long. I am crying and pacing and don't know what to do with myself.
I appreciate all this love and kindness. It is often hard to feel that I deserve kindness - everyone else does, but not me. I will try to stay close to my family here today. I love you all and you really do help me.:ghug
Thank you for being here for me. It really helps.
I really need 'guided relaxation' therapy as it's next to impossible for me to relax. When I get so stressed I don't get hungry so that makes everything worse. I will have to get thru today one minute at a time cause an hour is too long. I am crying and pacing and don't know what to do with myself.
I appreciate all this love and kindness. It is often hard to feel that I deserve kindness - everyone else does, but not me. I will try to stay close to my family here today. I love you all and you really do help me.:ghug
Thank you for being here for me. It really helps.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hey, Least..you know it.....sometimes it IS one moment at a time.
You can do this.
Can you google relaxation techniques until you can talk to your counselor?
Just a thought....you probably didn't sleep much last night.....how about a warm bath? Snuggle into your sofa or wherever you are comfortable. Just take some time to process. We're here.
You can do this.
Can you google relaxation techniques until you can talk to your counselor?
Just a thought....you probably didn't sleep much last night.....how about a warm bath? Snuggle into your sofa or wherever you are comfortable. Just take some time to process. We're here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 7
Least, I have to be honest, you have inspired me not to give in. I contacted an old girlfriend last night with every intention of giving in after 7 days, she will be calling me today, and because of your descriptin of how you are feeling...I will not answer...Thank you for your strength and honesty, and please believe what I am saying...Thank You
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Pretty much everything that has to be said was said already. You are one of the ones that has been helping me so please forgive yourself and keep helping the rest of us by posting and being honest and just being yourself. A small slip is no big deal in the long run.
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