Topic: I Hate People Telling Me What To Do. Why Is That? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question

Topic: I Hate People Telling Me What To Do. Why Is That?


Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and the
fellowship of SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink
of alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely
grateful.


I hate people telling me what
to do. Why is that?

I swore when my mom hit me
the last time that I would NEVER
have anyone, and especially her
EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO AGAIN.

Seems like ive had trouble with that
statement all my life and with all
the jobs ive had.

Do you have a problem with people
telling you what to do? How do you
handle that situation.

Thanks for letting me share.
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SHARON B.
Baton Rouge, La.
8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I was hoping my problem with authority stemmed from the fact, according to the substance abuse therapist, that I had the "emotional age of a 15 year old" due to drinking my whole life. Now you tell me I may get to keep my spiked leather bracelets and anarchy flag? Whew!!!!
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I have no problem with people telling me what to do...it is they who have the problem when I don't follow their advise! LOL Great post!
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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It depends on the situation. I have learned that some things I need to just say "thanks for the suggestion, I'll think about that." It's not defensive and in turn I can let it go. Other things as far as what people have to say that is regards to my well being I listen. If it doesn't apply, I let it fly.

Mostly for me I've learned that I need to listen to what I need. I know myself better than anyone.

Then if you're in a situation where there is conflict with another person, you know, you don't need to keep yourself in it. I know I don't always agree with everyone else but I have to let some things just roll off.

I wish you had put up there a certain situation to go from. It's kind of gray. Someone could tell me to jump off a cliff and I'm not going to do it. If a cop gives me a speeding ticket and tells me that I have to show up for a court date, I'm going to go, kwim???
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Old 01-24-2009, 08:21 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Humility = less EGO.

If a bum lying in a NYC gutter looks up and tells you what to do you ignore him.

If someone else tells you what to do you become offended.

Q. What's the difference?

(A. The only difference is YOUR own perception of the person involved.)

Just food for thought.
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I have this problem greatly... I'm actually dealing with the issue now, once again. This has been an ongoing fight I've had all my life dated back to childhood and getting violated. The thoughts (and actions) like "You're not going to tell me...", "I'm gonna do it my way cuz I know best".... the tapes go on and on like that!

Please allow me to dump cuz I'm pretty p o'd right now...

I have a new sponsor and last night at her homegroup mtg (I just returned to mtgs after 4 yrs and this is my 3rd w/ her), when the mtg ended and I got up to mingle and meet some of the women there, she almost literally pushed me back in my seat to sit down and wait for her! Understand, this is a small group, Tahoe is a small community and I know some people in these rooms who want to chit chat and meet new people afterwards and I wasn't "allowed" to! I was livid! It's like "I'm not 5 years old here"!!! Don't tell me to sit and wait while you talk with your friends and I'm a puppet on a string! Pissed me off, but I sat and waited until my ride was ready! I e-mailed her last night and said we've got to talk before I bail. I just don't think this was cool, at all! It's hard enough going back into mtgs as it is and then to not be able to reach out in my fear, but just sit there with the "hurry up and wait" thing going on.... No! I'm sorry! So she already called and left a msg this a.m. and don't want to talk to her when I'm this upset -- still! Any thoughts out there for me??
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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P.S.

My truck is in the shop til Mon evening. If my truck we're there and I had driven myself, I'd have been out the door! I'm still steaming and don't know how to handle it! Why do I get so enraged over being told what to do? I want sobriety and am jumping through the hoops, but one little thing has gotten me to the "F" it place!
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Sharon. I'm new here and don't have control over my drinking...yet. Anyways, I absolutely hate having anyone tell me what to do...UNLESS it's advice that I ask for. I've always been insecure...not enough (expressive) love, understanding, and interest from my parents- is what I think it's from. Also, I get anxious/frustrated/angry/defensive when somone says "No" or tells me what to do. BUT...I think God (or whatever higher power you believe in) puts people like us on earth for a reason. Yes?
I'm going to a party tonight where there'll be lots of FREE booze...so wish me luck and strength. xo, hippychicky
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by nickishine View Post
P.S.

My truck is in the shop til Mon evening. If my truck we're there and I had driven myself, I'd have been out the door! I'm still steaming and don't know how to handle it! Why do I get so enraged over being told what to do? I want sobriety and am jumping through the hoops, but one little thing has gotten me to the "F" it place!
You're like me...I don't speak up when feel like I'm wronged. Passive/aggresive is what it is. I'm getting better about it now. If you speak up kindly...it's not that bad, it's the anger that is bad.
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, I am sort of selective. I don't mind at all when my psychiatrist or therapist tell me what to do. They are licensed professionals I pay for a service.

Other people, well, it really depends on their motive and how well I know them. And how well they know me.
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:46 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hey HippyChicky,

That's where I have crossed the line a lot, being po'd when I address my feelings on something then I have regrets from my anger and losing my cool! Or I do a 180 and just don't talk to them anymore at all! F--up coping skills! I'm going to be praying a lot today before talking to her. I really don't want to put more regrets on my "hit list" and/or resentments! Thanks for the identification!
I ended up posting a thread on all this cuz I really want feedback from everyone. This is just taking up way too much space in my head today! I will not drink over it -- no matter what!
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thats why I could never have a sponsor (especially that sponsor) I would have told her to take a running jump right there and then. lol
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Old 01-24-2009, 11:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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nah

everyone bosses me

I'm comfortable enough to know, I have to ask for advice in a lot of different areas in my life.

However, there's a lot of people that wan't to butt into affairs and tell you what, you need to be doing.

If, I'm spiritually fit in my life, I'm doing what, I should be doing anyway!!
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Old 01-24-2009, 11:12 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I do have a problem family members telling me what to do. Even if I know what they say is true I brush it off. I guess I have always been this way, I am overly stubborn. Maybe this is immature, but it's who I am.
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Old 01-24-2009, 11:47 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I think for me personally, I have always hated people telling me what to do because of my misanthropic feelings which really was about my self hatred. I am also very passive-agressive and let people walk over me but at the same time quietly rebelling and try to manipulate the situation for my own purposes. I have made a lot of progress in turning these unhealthy habits around.
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Old 01-24-2009, 04:08 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hmmmm....im wondering if i went to a therapist
what would they say about my emotional age too.

At 50 yrs old i am mature yet there's a part of
me that still enjoys acting young at heart.

I got sober at 30 and im 18 yrs sober. So that
makes me ..... ?????.....how old in sober yrs? hmmm

My job back in Houston was customer service helping
with bagging, picking up carts, helping customers
with carry outs, elder and handicapped.

It was a physical job and i loved it....to me it
was better than standing in one place as a
cashier. At least i was able to walk outside if
i was pizzed...... lol

Most of the time all was cool except when a new
"kid" or " student in their 20's was appointed
assistant manager in charge over me.....moi!

Most of the "kids" were cool and us older folks
could work in harmony with them.....

Until one gets cocky and lets their position
go to their head......That was where the conflict
came in......them and I would butt heads and
off to the office id go....

Explaining to them that if these kids would talk
or treat us older folks with respect then all
would be ok.....Then i was told they didnt have
to have respect for anyone...we r just suppose
to do what they tell us to do.....sort of like
being in a concontration camp.

Where is ur respect for ur elder????

Then i move home here to Baton Rouge, get
a nice fun job at a bakery and there with so
much turn over in workers....never knowing whose
in charge.....then to get more "kids" to tell me
what to do, when here i am 50 yrs old, that knows
what to do and doesnt need to be told constantly
do this and that......sheesh......

If i could count how many times i have been taken
to the office, ud think there was something wrong
with me too. lol

Im a good person, kind person and would work proudly
next to u as we have fun and enjoy our job together.

Seems as tho most of the retail business hire people
that they know wont stay with them for very long.
And thats sad.....thats why there is such a turnover.

Then when they get a mature person in there that knows
what to do and is trusting, punctual...all the good qualities
for a employee...and they find a way to get rid of u.

I would think theyd want someone good for their business.

Oh well....all i can say is....they lost someone good and I
truely believe they knew that with me.....

Or is it that my HP has something else instore
for me and its not in retail..lol

I still remain teachable and im gonna enjoy
life at this stage of my life.....

Thanks for letting me share.
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SHARON B.
Baton Rouge, La.
8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 01-24-2009, 04:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I can relate to that. Thank goodness, there was only one time where, the guy over our quality dept. was younger then me. I did treat him with respect due to his position but, I've seen immaturity from people in supervisors position thru out the years.

I don't try and kiss butt with my bosses but, I talk about non job topics to get them to a more personal level.

For the most part, I've tried to have a social connection with my bosses away from work. Usually, when I'm doing my job, I've not had any trouble with them.

There are many people that, aren't good in a supervisor role >>>>>
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Old 01-24-2009, 04:51 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I feel strongly that this bakery which is family owned
had to be pleased with the quality of work i did or else
i wouldnt have gotten 2 raises within the 1 yr time i was
there.

What they seemed to have to do is take the side of
this nut case of a peep squeak who is 23 who had been
with them longer than I.

Sure she knew what her job was and i stood by her
to praise her to the bosses. I was her friend and i
treated her with respect for the most part.....

She got a bigger promotion and it went to her pea
brain. Any way....she lost a friend in me and that was
it......

I was told about family owned business'....Very disfunctional...lol

And i thought i was working in the right place..lol

Well....today i dont have to worry about work or anything.

My HP placed me in good hands with a wonderful Man
in my life. Im so grateful.

Just as long as I dont forget who I am and where I
came from.
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SHARON B.
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8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:46 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi Sharon,

Boy do I understand! I think the problem besides ego with these kids is their lack of true respect for their elders! When we were growing up, this was not a prevelent issue as it is in todays society! Thank God my 20 and 21 yr old kids don't act like that!!! I did do something right afterall!

I have a really strong, outgoing personality and my work ethic is one to run circles around these youngsters, but I know what you mean about "them getting the job"!!! It's been awhile for me but know how it works and with the economy, everyone's hiring kids cuz they think the "adults" will want more $$$$. Not so, we just want $$$! Hang in there. HP is going to bless you with something else!

Hugs, Nicki :ghug3
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