Need your take on this...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by prettypoison 
I went to see a counselor today in an attempt to deal with some of the issues that contribute to my drinking, the things I believe I'm trying to drown out.
As I'm answering questions for my assessment she gets to the medical history part and asks me if I drink. I say 'I've been sober two weeks today, I am an alcoholic'. She stops writing and looks over at me. She tells me she doesn't uaually deal with clients with alcohol and drug problems. She goes on to explain to me that it's because "we" alcoholics etc. lie, manipulate and she can't trust if "we" have been using. My heart fell into my stomach.
I didn't know what to say, my head was spinning and my heart racing. I felt so embarrassed, I felt like apologizing for having a drinking problem.
As the session went on she basically said she would work with me under two conditions:
1) that I got into AA and obtained a sponsor (BTW, I have no problem with AA)
2) that I take antidepressants (to assist in not drinking?)
Well I'm conflicted about this. She seemed like a nice lady, are her requests reasonable? I've never had anyone give me "conditions" for talk therapy, but I'm looking for help and I don't know if I'm just being sensitive about this. Please let me know what you think....
As I'm answering questions for my assessment she gets to the medical history part and asks me if I drink. I say 'I've been sober two weeks today, I am an alcoholic'. She stops writing and looks over at me. She tells me she doesn't uaually deal with clients with alcohol and drug problems. She goes on to explain to me that it's because "we" alcoholics etc. lie, manipulate and she can't trust if "we" have been using. My heart fell into my stomach.
I didn't know what to say, my head was spinning and my heart racing. I felt so embarrassed, I felt like apologizing for having a drinking problem.
As the session went on she basically said she would work with me under two conditions:
1) that I got into AA and obtained a sponsor (BTW, I have no problem with AA)
2) that I take antidepressants (to assist in not drinking?)
Well I'm conflicted about this. She seemed like a nice lady, are her requests reasonable? I've never had anyone give me "conditions" for talk therapy, but I'm looking for help and I don't know if I'm just being sensitive about this. Please let me know what you think....
Why would you want to go spill your guys & hope for some real advise to someone that I am sure you are going to be uncomfrtable with!
Good Luck!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I am blessed in that I was assigned an addiction counselor from our local drug/addiction treatment agency. I've been seeing her almost a year and she is wonderful.
I would suggest you look for a mental health counselor who specializes in addiction.
I would suggest you look for a mental health counselor who specializes in addiction.
Eternal optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
I'm so grateful for the feedback. You all have made some very good points.
I know what she said crushed me because this is the most concerted effort I have ever made to get sober and reach out for the help I need to STAY sober. I am full of raw emotions. It's difficult sharing my alcholism with others --- it's hard to hear myself say "I'm an alcoholic".
Next comes the hard part --- I need to clean house --- whatever I'm shoving down inside and not dealing I must come to terms with. I didn't go for counseling to deal with my alcoholism (although I am dealing with it, and coming here helps tremendously). I wanted to find out how to be strong again, clean house--get rid of some rotten old garbage. I was so hopeful going in, only to get shot down. I know there is deception in secretive drinking...that does not make me a liar. If I wanted to lie about drinking, I simply wouldn't have brought it up (that would have been easier).
What she said has only added to the shame I feel for what I've done to myself. I won't give up. I'll try someone else and I definitely will not drink over it...
I know what she said crushed me because this is the most concerted effort I have ever made to get sober and reach out for the help I need to STAY sober. I am full of raw emotions. It's difficult sharing my alcholism with others --- it's hard to hear myself say "I'm an alcoholic".
Next comes the hard part --- I need to clean house --- whatever I'm shoving down inside and not dealing I must come to terms with. I didn't go for counseling to deal with my alcoholism (although I am dealing with it, and coming here helps tremendously). I wanted to find out how to be strong again, clean house--get rid of some rotten old garbage. I was so hopeful going in, only to get shot down. I know there is deception in secretive drinking...that does not make me a liar. If I wanted to lie about drinking, I simply wouldn't have brought it up (that would have been easier).
What she said has only added to the shame I feel for what I've done to myself. I won't give up. I'll try someone else and I definitely will not drink over it...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Don't allow her ignorance and insensitivity to take away from your very solid step in continued sobriety. You know you need help and are seeking it. Not a good start or fit with this one therapist...there are many more.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Pretty, it just doesn't feel right to me - I was very defensive on your behalf just from what you told us. Fair or not, I'm afraid your opinion of her would always be colored by that first meeting and how she made you feel. If you really think she's worth it, maybe you could share with her how badly her comments affected you. You just don't need to have another misery added to your plate at this time of trying to get well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry she made you feel more ashamed PP
like I tried to say before, IMO a good therapist won't do that - they may challenge you, even maybe confront you (if you need it) but they should always leave you with your dignity.
D
like I tried to say before, IMO a good therapist won't do that - they may challenge you, even maybe confront you (if you need it) but they should always leave you with your dignity.
D
Eternal optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Hevyn
You just don't need to have another misery added to your plate at this time of trying to get well.
I can safely say with a little help from my friends (you wonderful folks at SR) I won't be going back. The distrust was already there on her part. I think the professional thing to do would have been to let me know therapy with substance abusers was not her specialty and reffered me on (BTW, she was referred to me by my primary care doc), no harm done. I was not court ordered to be there -- I voluntarily sought help -- so if I was practicing deception when she asked 'do you drink' I could have easily said NO.
In retrospect, when she started giving me ultimatums I should have shown myself the door. I can respect her guidelines, but I felt stereotyped and unworthy of her help.
Thank each one of you who took the time to listen and offer insight. I am grateful.
Eternal optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Dee74
they should always leave you with your dignity.
I have enough shame just from the mess I've made of myself from drinking. Really I don't mind being challenged, I just hoped it would be when I healed and my skin was a little thicker (which is why I was there). I hope to come back with good news... the search is on
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 179
You have NOTHING to be ashamed about: you were so strong to be up front and honest with her (a person who, supposedly, is trained to help people) about your condition. This is the reason you are seeking help. Stay strong--you were honest because you really want to get well. You are doing this for yourself, which is fantastic! If she is not qualified to assist you, move on to someone who can.
Eternal optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Theresa
If she is not qualified to assist you, move on to someone who can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
PrettyPoison,
I have read all of these posts and it seems that everyone assumes you went there to deal with your alcoholic tendencies. Clearly in your original message and a later one you stated you went there to deal with things that cause you to drink.
This therapist assumed the wrong thing as well...that you were there to seek help with quitting drinking. I agree with everyone else about finding a new therapist for many of the same reasons.
You have intonated that you are uncomfortable calling yourself an alcoholic. What makes you think you are an alcoholic? Maybe starting with a firm answer to that question will guide you in how to proceed with the other issues you referenced.
I have read all of these posts and it seems that everyone assumes you went there to deal with your alcoholic tendencies. Clearly in your original message and a later one you stated you went there to deal with things that cause you to drink.
This therapist assumed the wrong thing as well...that you were there to seek help with quitting drinking. I agree with everyone else about finding a new therapist for many of the same reasons.
You have intonated that you are uncomfortable calling yourself an alcoholic. What makes you think you are an alcoholic? Maybe starting with a firm answer to that question will guide you in how to proceed with the other issues you referenced.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
The number one priority with a counselor/therapist IMO is trust. Can you trust her enough to talk with her? Often times it takes more than one visit to determine how trustworthy a therapist is. You could agree to her conditions and try her out for a while, and if you are not comfortable with her, then dump her! and find another. YOU are the important client person here, not her, and if she is good, she will want you to dump her if you dont think that you are compatable. Good luck!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmm...
What concerned about this situation is the fact
she immediately suggested aanti-depressants.
Not every person requires anit-d's...
when I quit drinking.. .I did not.
Heck...I was elated to finally quit!!
I'm sorry you had this unpleasant experience.
.
What concerned about this situation is the fact
she immediately suggested aanti-depressants.
Not every person requires anit-d's...
when I quit drinking.. .I did not.
Heck...I was elated to finally quit!!
I'm sorry you had this unpleasant experience.
.
Eternal optimist
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by KenL
You have intonated that you are uncomfortable calling yourself an alcoholic. What makes you think you are an alcoholic?
I have a hard time with that label (even though it fits) because of the very thing that happened today...the way some people respond to it... it's like saying 'hey I'm a purple two-headed monster with 14 toes', you know how some people will look at ya. I prefer to think I'm defective/different in the I-have-an-allergy-to-alcohol sense. It was hard for me to admit my problem -- mostly to me -- denial felt better until it stopped working.
I didn't go to counseling for help with drinking, but after it was brought up it became the focus for her. I hope that helps..??
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by prettypoison
I should have bailed when I started squirming in the chair. She also quoted something Dr. Phil said that was equally hurtful, some motto he uses in dealing with addicts...ouch.
Your instincts are spot on, pp. The boot, I say!
Big hug, lady.
On to bigger and better things.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
pretty,
It could be the therapist has a loved one who is an alcoholic/addict and that's an unresolved conflict for her too. And she, as many have said, doesn't feel qualified to help.
You need to have someone help you who IS qualified. What she said was, in my opinion, more about her than you! At least she didn't waste your time and now you have the chance to find someone who you will trust and who will understand you.
Love,
Lenina
It could be the therapist has a loved one who is an alcoholic/addict and that's an unresolved conflict for her too. And she, as many have said, doesn't feel qualified to help.
You need to have someone help you who IS qualified. What she said was, in my opinion, more about her than you! At least she didn't waste your time and now you have the chance to find someone who you will trust and who will understand you.
Love,
Lenina
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Pretty,
I'm with most everyone that's posted about the antidepressants. I don't know the extent of your time with her, but it seems odd to me the approach she's taking. I do understand the fact she doesn't usually work with alkies/addicts for the reasons she's stated, BUT... the conditions???? AA, yes - I can see her requesting and/or encouraging you to do that, but the drugs seemed a bit over the top. My opinion is that we need to get away from the drugs/alcohol to even assess if we're clinically depressed or what have you. I think she's jumping the gun and NOT making a wise assessment of what she's requiring. Give her one more shot, before getting on the anti-depressants, and pose all your questions to her. Then if you're gut is telling you to move on - MOVE ON! Even Psychologists, etc.... can make mistakes!
Just my thoughts on this! Good luck!
I'm with most everyone that's posted about the antidepressants. I don't know the extent of your time with her, but it seems odd to me the approach she's taking. I do understand the fact she doesn't usually work with alkies/addicts for the reasons she's stated, BUT... the conditions???? AA, yes - I can see her requesting and/or encouraging you to do that, but the drugs seemed a bit over the top. My opinion is that we need to get away from the drugs/alcohol to even assess if we're clinically depressed or what have you. I think she's jumping the gun and NOT making a wise assessment of what she's requiring. Give her one more shot, before getting on the anti-depressants, and pose all your questions to her. Then if you're gut is telling you to move on - MOVE ON! Even Psychologists, etc.... can make mistakes!
Just my thoughts on this! Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Originally Posted by prettypoison
I think I'm an alcoholic based on just about every definition I've ever read. Because I could never stop even after something happened that indicated there is a problem. I couldn't stop just because I said I wanted to. Someone said they turned down "a few drinks" because they wouldn't want to stop -- that was me. I'd love not to belong to that club...but unfortunately I bought a lifetime membership.
I have a hard time with that label (even though it fits) because of the very thing that happened today...the way some people respond to it... it's like saying 'hey I'm a purple two-headed monster with 14 toes', you know how some people will look at ya. I prefer to think I'm defective/different in the I-have-an-allergy-to-alcohol sense. It was hard for me to admit my problem -- mostly to me -- denial felt better until it stopped working.
I didn't go to counseling for help with drinking, but after it was brought up it became the focus for her. I hope that helps..??
I have a hard time with that label (even though it fits) because of the very thing that happened today...the way some people respond to it... it's like saying 'hey I'm a purple two-headed monster with 14 toes', you know how some people will look at ya. I prefer to think I'm defective/different in the I-have-an-allergy-to-alcohol sense. It was hard for me to admit my problem -- mostly to me -- denial felt better until it stopped working.
I didn't go to counseling for help with drinking, but after it was brought up it became the focus for her. I hope that helps..??
I understood that you went to see her for issues other than drinking. That's the initial point I was making in my post.
As for the question I asked you about being an alcoholic, well, you answered it squarely. What I mean to say is that you seem to have a good understanding of the disease. You also have no problem admitting that you are an alcoholic.
As far as how people look at us when they realize we are alcoholics, well, there is nothing we can do about that as you well know. Now I am no AA, but this is where the Serenity prayer comes in handy for me. Accepting that I cannot change how they view me but changing how I feel about how they view me. You and I know about this disease. How it is a permanent neurological disease linked to genetics. We do not have any damn character defects any more than someone with MS. A disease is a disease. The way society has dealt with alcoholism has a long history of looking down on it and berating those who suffer from it. It will take just as long to change that perception so that alcoholism is accepted as a real disease and not a character defect.
I could go on and on because this topic of disease vs. character defect kind of gets me mad. People are made to feel like s*** for no good reason. They need help to stop the effects of the disease, not shame, ridicule and put-downs.
You have a good head on your shoulders PrettyPoison.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by prettypoison
I doubt I would ever be comfortable bringing up anything related to bad choices related to my drinking in the past....sadly, that is part of my story.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
hmmm well i went to a counseller that does deal with alcohol problems but was told that i had to stop drinking in order for them to help me otherwise it was pointless me attending so i guess thats kind of the same.
i was put on anti depressents and antabuse and am working well through the issues, feeling the best i have in my life and am over 100 days sober from not being able to stop for 1!!! If you had asked me a year ago there is no way i would have done that and considered the counseller to be talking rubbish and not taken the pills, but i'd had enough and just wanted to get my life back.
IMO i don't think it matters that she does not deal with alcoholics as that is not the point, she is there to help you deal with the reasons why you are self medicating.
Best of luck, make the change for yourself...it's great honestly:-)
i was put on anti depressents and antabuse and am working well through the issues, feeling the best i have in my life and am over 100 days sober from not being able to stop for 1!!! If you had asked me a year ago there is no way i would have done that and considered the counseller to be talking rubbish and not taken the pills, but i'd had enough and just wanted to get my life back.
IMO i don't think it matters that she does not deal with alcoholics as that is not the point, she is there to help you deal with the reasons why you are self medicating.
Best of luck, make the change for yourself...it's great honestly:-)
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